| X-Rated Harry Potter | |
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Nuebus - Student  |
HOGSMEADE, ENGLAND- Since its release last Saturday, fans young and old have been poring through J.K. Rowling's newest book Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince looking for action, adventure, and clues as to what might happen in the seventh and final installment in the series due out in 2007. What they didn't expect to find was hardcore scat porn involving some of Rowling's most beloved characters, and yet there it is. Children as young as eight have reported finding sexually explicit sequences just like that spread throughout the book thanks to a flaw in the publication process officials are calling the "hot cauldron" mod. Understandably, parents around the world are furious over the matter and have called on Congress and Parliament to have the defective books removed from store shelves. In its defense Rowling's publisher Scholastic claims that the objectionable material was never intended for young eyes or even public release. The production staff carefully hid the material between chapters through a special printing process, but the millions of counterfeit copies on the market carry a flaw which allows readers to "unlock" Chapter 18 5/8, aka the Slytherin orgy sequence. The publisher has reassured readers that everything will be fine but advises parents to ensure that their copy is genuine before handing it over to their children. As harmful as the passages probably are, young readers say the unlocked pages help bind the story together. At a marathon public reading of the book in Boston, the room reportedly grew very quiet as the reader described the part when Hermione finally lets down her guard and allows Ron to explore her Chamber of Secrets, a true victory for literature and the English language. "I had a hard time with some of the longer words," said one young boy. "I showed it to my mom. I said 'what does c-u-n-i-l-i-n-g-u-s mean?' and she took the book from me and won't give it back. She said she threw it out, but that's not true because I snuck past their bedroom late last night and heard her reading it to dad." Scholastic's excuse, while reasonable, fails to answer one lingering question: if you wanted the sexy text hidden, why have it there in the first place? "It was something Jo wrote when she was a drunk- well, more drunk than she was when she wrote the rest of the book, anyway," said Scholastic CEO Richard Robinson. "We wanted to preserve it for posterity- or blackmail for the next contract negotiation. At the time it seemed like a great idea, for collectors and whatnot. It now seems that we were a teeny bit in error in our judgment." Another reason to keep the racy chapter in tact is to keep the millionaire authoress from coming off like a filthy liar. Over the past year or so, Rowling has been traveling the world promising all sorts of jaw-dropping surprises for Book 6, revelations that many readers complain never take place. For example, she claimed that the book would reveal something new and shocking about Harry's mother Lilly. Readers were naturally disappointed to learn that the revelation was nothing more than she was really good at potion making. In the hidden chapter, however, Rowling's true vision for the book comes to fruition. [Due to decency concerns and the DMCA's new death penalty provision, we cannot present any portion of the text verbatim. We will, however, do what we can.] During a particularly difficult "slash" scene with Harry and Snape, the shadowy pedagog mentions excitedly that Harry performs a particular unmentionable act in much the same way that Lilly did- a shocking hint that perhaps Snape and Harry's mother were sexually involved during their time at Hogwarts that throws 5 books worth of family history in doubt. For fans, the unlockable text represents and interesting look into Rowling's characters. Most readers seem to like the idea of Ron and Hermione as a couple or perhaps Harry and Ron's sister Ginny. However, it seems that no one has considered how intriguing a Hermione/Ginny pairing could be. Many young men have said that they re-read the passage every night just before bed, further proof of the impact Rowling's books have had on juvenile literacy. "I always thought Harry and Hermione should get together, and for about two paragraphs I got my wish," said an eleven-year-old Potter fan. "Then he's off doing a bunch of stuff to a bunch of other people, too. So, I guess everybody got what they wanted." /me walks off stage. /me goes 2 bathroom /me roflmfao _______________ Sanity is for the weak -Let the madness consume you... I'ma moron, i'm the master of morons, i even got a club of morons... so how do u beat me at bein a moron?... and no, not by being u. Ex-Padawan of Chaos~ |
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Mic Den Octela - Student 
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Only problem that springs to mind in that... i got an image of Hermione and Ginny.. *shudder* 0_0  _______________ -Padawan of Virtue -Brother of Menaxia, *|irael, Krynn Adept, Majno, Ris Win Juljul, DaMi3N, Beowulf, Dash Starlight, Carrock and Yuken Zalak Bartender at Munes bar. Sir Mic of Nippledom! Proudly beating Wang, since '07. (Crackdown) |
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Grycen - Student 
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_______________ Owner of Pink Floyd's 480th comment, Darth Sirius's 250th comment, my paddy bro Stig's 225th comment, BDKawika's 200th comment and Jedifire's 100th comment. |
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Rivian Na'Dolo - Student 
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/me trys to stop laughing but cant... oh my garsh that was great... _______________ What Do We Have To Learn From But Our Mistakes? All We Can Ask For Is Forgiveness. -Chaos~ [Master to Threat Na'Dolo and Trickster Na'Dolo][~Proud Friends~ Trooper, Kensei, RoseRed, Kitmitsu, Gradius, Setementor, Tarpman, Liso Jowol ~] [Owner of Tarpman's 2800th comment][Owner of Thomas Skywalker's 5398th and 5600'th comments][Owner of TreeX's 151th, 250th and 350th comments][Owner of Echuu's 666th and 800th Comments][Owner of JediFire's 123th comment][Owner of Vivi's 107th comment][Owner of Threat Na'Dolo's 100th comment][Owner of CC's 500'th and 1234'th comments][Owner of Kewan Obiobi's 310th comment][Owner of Piccolo's 2400th comment][Owner of Kensei's 3300'th comment][Owner of Liso Jowol's unexpected 2600th comment!] [Owner of the kill-Thomas-whenever-you-want-to certificate!][Winner of the 11000'th comment on Aeth S'kray's Count thread] [Looking for unofficial Padawans To Train]Na'Dolo Site Here. |
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Nuebus - Student 
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Quote: I expected to find the convo from bash.org where they changed the word "wand" into "wang." ha. i saw that. laughed my head off but its too old 2 post  i only go for the things new  _______________ Sanity is for the weak -Let the madness consume you... I'ma moron, i'm the master of morons, i even got a club of morons... so how do u beat me at bein a moron?... and no, not by being u. Ex-Padawan of Chaos~ |
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Thomasooo - Student 
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I expected to find the convo from bash.org where they changed the word "wand" into "wang." _______________ In the navy and LOVING it!
Recipient of comment no. 1000 and heart-warming words from Ataris! 
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Darth Sirius - Student 
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It's all good. _______________ The true padawan prodigy of Jedi_Pimp Learning staff from Janus, |
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Nuebus - Student 
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no harm done, just pointing out a mistake under the influence of a broken foot... /me apologises 2 sirius over a seemingly upset post. _______________ Sanity is for the weak -Let the madness consume you... I'ma moron, i'm the master of morons, i even got a club of morons... so how do u beat me at bein a moron?... and no, not by being u. Ex-Padawan of Chaos~ |
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Sared - Retired 
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Any relation to the whole san andreas thing is silly. Both Rockstar and the ESRB are gonna burn, and I'll be toasting marshmellows. _______________ I'm crazy, not stupid. |
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DaRtH-MoBiLiTy - Student 
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I apologize TreeX and Sirius, I was merely just trying to point out that this guy writes a lot of funny stuff. Perhaps i was initially irritated that TreeX did not give Klem his credit, but whatever, probably just an oversight. Sorry again, did not mean to cause any flaming. AHHHHHHHHHH PEACE!!! -DM- _______________ One Day, it will all end. |
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Darth Sirius - Student
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Quote: Quote: Very well written article TreeX, a literary masterpiece, fine piece of journalism. . . .Very funny Notable quote from the article: "Many young men have said that they re-read the passage every night just before bed, further proof of the impact Rowling's books have had on juvenile literacy." damnit i didnt write it, as DM says it was by Klem Johanson. comments on the actual articule by diff ppl always ruin it. Not sure why I am being called out on this. I made a positive post on this thread. I was not aware you did not write it since no credit was given to the actual author in your original post. Even with the knowledge that someone else wrote it, I still think it is written well and very funny. As far as the fine piece of journalism comment, I thought that based on the tone of the article, this comment would not be taken seriously. The article is obviously not true. If my comment on this thread upsets you, I am more than willing to delete/edit it in anyway in order to make you feel more comfortable. Have a great day. _______________ The true padawan prodigy of Jedi_Pimp Learning staff from Janus, This comment was edited by Darth Sirius on Jul 27 2005 05:34pm. |
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Krazzed - Student 
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very funnt bu i bet that som1 just wrote it for some attetion and just made it all up but if its tru thats just odd....*goes and looks in my book* ill brb _______________ (\__/) (O.o ) (> < ) This is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world domination. |
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Eica - Student 
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Hehehe, not true but very funny _______________ Former padawan of RoseRed |
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Nuebus - Student
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Quote: Very well written article TreeX, a literary masterpiece, fine piece of journalism. . . .Very funny Notable quote from the article: "Many young men have said that they re-read the passage every night just before bed, further proof of the impact Rowling's books have had on juvenile literacy." damnit i didnt write it, as DM says it was by Klem Johanson. comments on the actual articule by diff ppl always ruin it. _______________ Sanity is for the weak -Let the madness consume you... I'ma moron, i'm the master of morons, i even got a club of morons... so how do u beat me at bein a moron?... and no, not by being u. Ex-Padawan of Chaos~ |
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DaRtH-MoBiLiTy - Student 
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Yes this is a very good article..., written by Klem Johansen over at ridiculopathy.com He is great, here is another one he did: Bush Taps Randy "Macho Man" Savage to Fill High Court Vacancy- Oh, Yeah -DM- _______________ One Day, it will all end. |
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Darth Sirius - Student 
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Very well written article TreeX, a literary masterpiece, fine piece of journalism. . . .Very funny Notable quote from the article: "Many young men have said that they re-read the passage every night just before bed, further proof of the impact Rowling's books have had on juvenile literacy." _______________ The true padawan prodigy of Jedi_Pimp Learning staff from Janus, |
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DarthMike - Student 
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rofl this is so funny. _______________ "You can't get Windows on a Mac because the drivers are not compatible." --- Some dude from the Geek Squad "So if you have quad-core, you have four times the RAM, right?" --- Some guy at Best Buy |
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Lancer007 - Student 
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lol can you guys spell arsehole backwards? |
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Hitokiri - Student 
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Where's the link? lol _______________ Ph34r m1 1337 5k1llz! |
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Phantom - Student 
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Lmao it had to happen sometime JK Rowling has gone insane with harry potter! Lmao!!! _______________ -Phantom Ex-Master to Threat. Proud owner of Sazabi's 1500th comment! And Threats 50th comment "Insanity: a perfect rational adjustment to an insane world" |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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no way that this is all real at least, I hope not ... for the kids _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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