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Burn - ex-Student  |
I was up till 2 am last night not being able to sleep. But what i did think of was that i'm tired of hearing all these stories of "The master then fights his padawan who fell to the darkside." blah blah blah. I got one for you all so listen up. "Thank you for believing i was ready for the trials master." Jack said "Think nothing of it my padawan" Replied Jedi Master Kar "But i do master, i am proud to be ready, i wish to serve the Jedi Order." Jack replied. "Ah, well, then you must then..." Master Kar trailed off "I sense it too" Jack said. "Quickly, let's go" Master Kar said as they began to run. They had been on a mission for the Jedi Council to investigate a habitable moon a few parsects from Kessel. When Master Kar felt that there mission was completed he sent a transmission back to Corusent. Stating that they had found nothing but that he was glad to announce that his padawan was ready to take the trials. Now, they ran down a forgotten corridor in an abandoned building towards whatever that had caused the disturbence in the force. They entered a large room, it looked much like a training arena, When they both saw him. A man stood there with his head down, in the middle of the arena. "I've Been expecting you, Jedi." said the figure Both Master Kar and Jack Reached for their lightsaber's. Master Kar looked to his padawan and said "Jack, remember the lesson of choosing your battles? Well this is one of them. You Must leave us." "But Master! We could take him together!" Jack hastiliy replied "No, you are to return to Corusent and tell the council of this matter. That they were correct in their assumption, that there are sith here." "I'm staying! you need my help if you are to defeat him!" Jack Said "I know....But now go!" Master Kar said as he used the force to push Jack out of a nearby door. He then used the force to throw a nearby box at the door controls, damaging them. "Now it is just you and I." Master Kar said. "I sense your anger Jedi. Give into it." the shadowy figure said again. "No! I will not!" Master Kar said. Just then the figure lunged at Master Kar. They began deadly fast saberbattle. When Just when Master Kar was on the offensive, the figure kicked his arm, then force pushed his saber out of his hand. Before Master Kar could reach out with the force for his saber, the figure swung, striking him across the forhead. "AHhhhh!" Master Kar bellowed in pain Jack, who had been trying to get in from the otherside heard this and stopped. He looked at the door with horror. For he could no longer feel his Master through the force. Jack turned and ran towards the hanger in which their ship had been stored. Leaving his Master for dead. As he began to leave the atmosphere he said, "Goodbye, my master." Meanwhile "Good, give into your hate, you see? You see how much better it is?" the figure said, with his saber still lowered after his devistating blow. Master Kar lay there clutching his head, still bellowing in pain. Then something unexpected happened. Something unexpected by all. He gave in. "Your hate has brought you to the darkside, welcome." Master Kar stood, and began to laugh as trickles of blood still poured from his wounded forhead. "Thank you. Thank you for freeing me......My Master...." Lemme know if anyone is interested in what i wrote, maybe we'll make a level or maybe i'll make a novel heh. gimme feedback on this though ok? -Burn  _______________ -Has no family, nor "friends" -What is this "friends" you speak of? No not the meaning of it do I |
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What Should i do?
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| Comments |
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The Big Bear [JAP] - Ex-Student ![The Big Bear [JAP]](/image_thumbnail.php?f_type=users&f_width=70&f_height=55&f_image=3848.jpeg)
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I think it is good. But to improve maybe you would what to put in more detail and stretch it out more. Apart from that your a good author _______________ "I don't know what WW3 will be fought with, but i know WW4 will be fought with sticks and stones"-Albert Einstein -Padawan of Silenco |
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Burn - Ex-Student 
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i will continue more tomorrow (thursday the 24th) -Burn _______________ -Has no family, nor "friends" -What is this "friends" you speak of? No not the meaning of it do I |
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crazy_hacker - Ex-Student 
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gwampa, wead me another story A.K.A. continue _______________ if at first you dont succeed, try and try again. if you still dont succeed, youve just wasted a whole lot of time trying something you just cant do
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Burn - Ex-Student
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duh, i know that, but if you read, i placed a hidden hint that he had already been falling. Hence me saying: "I sense your anger, give in to it." THus, showing that he had been dealing with anger already for a while, allowing him to open for a darkside attack. -Burn _______________ -Has no family, nor "friends" -What is this "friends" you speak of? No not the meaning of it do I |
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_cmad_ - Ex-Student 
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There is a BIG mistake in ur story (no offense)... Jedi don't fall to the d/s so easily  _______________ Your friends of today, are your enemies of tomorrow. |
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Flamori Athena - Student 
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I'm collecting stories at the moment, give it to me. _______________ «±» 21st on the Midbie Council, Profile ID: 2027 «±» True wisdom is the knowledge that you know nothing. |
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