| Jedi Knight Online 101 | |
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Lian Del Rey - Student  |
There is a new popular activity among PC Gamers, in which they willingly spend long hours filled with frustration, anger, and humiliation. Scientists have discovered that because of this Frustration Organization, there has been loss of hair, voice, middle fingers, eyes, and lives. (As in lives, we mean actually physically going outside and participating in activities.) No, it is not a physical event that is causing this insanity, but it is a highly deadly and dangerous phenomenon we simply lable, "Multiplayer Gaming." More particularly, there is an action game with guns and swords emitting light rays, with the appearance of that like lightsticks on steroids or viagra. In a particular game, Raven's Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast, it has the guns and the shiny tubes, with some of the most sophisticated swordfighting-like tube-clashing we have ever seen. Despite these apparently lethal weapons being shiny tubes, they can make loud noises, making humming sounds, and even make sparks fly. As if the sparks were not enough, these tubes are also capable of slicing any of your opponents in half, or lose their right arm, left arm, left knee, right knee, head, right thigh, left thigh, right foot, left foot, right hand, or left hand. This was not your average haircut, because instead of showing bleeding inners of the typical human body, they show glowing, orange-red, meaty goo. Most probably a glitch made by extremely bad developers, who accidentally made you be able to lose limbs. Speaking of lost limbs, in the "Online Multiplayer Gaming" cult, there are human players that hack their tubes around, the traditional hack and slash and hope you hit something, but more recently, these players have been labled as "newbies" or, more commonly known as "n00bz!1!" There could also be the human players that run around swinging their glowing stick about, but they may do it more proper. They sever your body without any warning, or without caring about your so-called "chat flag" being up, or having your "lightsaber" down. What are these called? They are called the "normal player." But humanity and the insane cult has labeled these players as "lamers," thus beginning the chain reaction of which the lamed player becomes the lamer, laming the lamer that first lamed them, then both of them are mad, furious, and called lamers. Laming is made even easier, corrupting more advanced players and turning them into newbies as well, by a rip-off scam called "Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy." Do not believe that this thing exists, let alone buying this non-existant item. However, rarely do these "players" ever consider the real feelings of the people they are playing as. "The played" are sadly dragged away from their "model pool," some of which not even being able to be picked because of their gruesome appearance. It is not their fault, however, which is the sad truth. They are created, uploaded, and rashly tossed aside with no more care, by cruel, evil, demonic players called "modelers." These modelers create the poor Played (also known as "models"  and create their "skin," choosing whatever gruesome or awesome appearance that they feel like. A common example of the modeling case would be the poor, sad Darth Malak, who only wanted a good flag capping and duel rounds in his Jedi Knight life, but nobody wants to play him because of his gruesome and inaccurate appearance.In fact, these models even write in their ReadMe files, for many people to read, but are sadly left alone, their tales of life never to be read but for their own eyes. It takes a lot of courage to offer your own, personal feelings to people online that they do not even know— and nobody even reads it. A sad, most unfortunate fate indeed. When a model dies, it is cast into the never-ending spirals of the infinite void, never to be used again. Instead, an exact replica takes its place, being born in a random location on the world, otherwise known as a "map." Some of these sad souls may only be used for one or less seconds before being cast away by the dreaded /kill command. This plague (/kill) is becoming more and more common, out of the disease called Boredom. In order to not catch the disease and spontaneously massacre happless victims, keep your mind occupied by doing something, yes, even if it involves going outside. Please, think of the models. Expanding Vocabulary Multiplayer Gaming: A highly deadly and dangerous phenomenon newbie: A person that knows absolutely nothing about anything and thinks that the Jedi Knight series is still a hack and slash-style action game. lamer: A PC Gamer on any source of online multiplayer gaming, simply playing the game as it was handed to them. modelers: Evil scientists that create models and then leave them to rot in the infinite void. models: Also known as the Played, these are poor, hapless victims created by modelers and left to rot after no longer being downloaded. They can be selected and used in the Model Pool. /kill: A symptom of Boredom. Boredom: A plague/disease that can be avoided by doing something. _______________ slorp |
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| Comments |
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Raider - Student 
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Quote: KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE LA! @___________________@ O NOSE!!! WE R SUNK 4 SUR!!!!! Agreed _______________ Artificial intelligence beats natural stupidity. |
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Thomasooo - Student 
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Quote: KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE LA! @___________________@ O NOSE!!! WE R SUNK 4 SUR!!!!! LOL DJ has gone completely mad!  _______________ In the navy and LOVING it! 
Recipient of comment no. 1000 and heart-warming words from Ataris! 
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DJ Sith - Jedi Council 
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KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE LA! @___________________@ O NOSE!!! WE R SUNK 4 SUR!!!!! _______________ My car is made of Nerf. |
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Thomasooo - Student
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Quote: HAY GUYZ WUTS GOIN ON??????? ^_____________^ WTF??! This guy is our website administrator? :| RUN FOR YER LIVES!!! Nah, he r00lz Rock on, DeeJay! _______________ In the navy and LOVING it!
Recipient of comment no. 1000 and heart-warming words from Ataris!
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DJ Sith - Jedi Council
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HAY GUYZ WUTS GOIN ON??????? ^_____________^ _______________ My car is made of Nerf. |
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Rahn del Sol - Student 
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*uses Force Push on Lian* omg! _______________ http://steamcommunity.com/id/citizen059 |
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Duffman - Student 
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*shakes head* _______________ *Sigh* Married to Mirael D'kana, Former master to Shangri Stomwind and Crash D'Kana, Owner of Gil-Galad's 100th post, Khâ D'Kana's 700th post, and friend to just about everyone |
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