| Smart Cops | |
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Nuebus - Student  |
random joke from a friend... copied it directly so u might wanna have 2 squint 2 work out who's sayin what... guy runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a policeman. Cop says, "License and registration, please." Guy says, "What for?" Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." Guy says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Cop says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please." Guy says, "What's the difference?" Cop says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop. License and registration, PLEASE!" Guy says, "If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration." Cop says, "Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the cop takes out his nightstick and starts beating the crap out of the guy and says: "DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?" amusing and interesting truths: 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me! 4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me 8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing. 11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it! 18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. 19.. Procrastinate Now! 20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? 21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance 23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken. 25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. 26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. 27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music. 29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson. 30.. I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on. Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. Now below here would be an unsuitable joke if u were... religious. Farmer 1 goes 2 check on his plough horse 2 find it dead, so he ponders what 2 do. He remembers yesterday that his brother Farmer 2 was selling a stallion so he drives over there in his tractor and calls out Farmer 2. So after he bought the horse it wouldnt move no matter how loud he was or how harshly he whipped it, so he asked Farmer 2 why. 'Oh, the horse is christen,' explains Farmer 2, 'he won't move unless u say Jesus Christ and he wont stop unless u say Amen.' So thanking him Farmer 1 gets on the horse and says 'Jesus Christ' the horse moves at a trot and to his urging moves at a gallop,without noticing it he went into Farmer 3's field, Farmer 3 sees a horse galloping over his wheat so grabs a shotgun and shoots. he missed but the horse bolts with Farmer 1 still clinging 2 it, he closes his eyes and thinks frnatically to how 2 stop the terrified horse. he finally remembers after 10 minutes and shouts 'Amen!' the horse stops and he wopens his eyes. He sees he's on the edge of a clif and 2 his horror he notices his horse was slipping so he did what any godless heretic would do and swore. 'JESUS CHRIST!' religous joke twas mine. not sure if u lot will find it funny but if u do just say so and i'll rack the moronic part of my brain for the jokes  Och! just noticed the sticky! thought all that would b would b rules on jokes >.< ahh well.. i'll start postin anyjokes i got there instead... _______________ Sanity is for the weak -Let the madness consume you... I'ma moron, i'm the master of morons, i even got a club of morons... so how do u beat me at bein a moron?... and no, not by being u. Ex-Padawan of Chaos~ This post was edited by Nuebus on Jun 19 2005 12:32pm. |
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Nuebus - Student 
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Quote:
Quote: Funny stuff! But the joke with the farmer would've been easier to read if you used the words "to" and "too", instead of "2", seeing how there was a character called "Farmer 2" in it.  Agreed, Funny nevertheless  i'm half asleep and its an edit, what u expect? _______________ Sanity is for the weak -Let the madness consume you... I'ma moron, i'm the master of morons, i even got a club of morons... so how do u beat me at bein a moron?... and no, not by being u. Ex-Padawan of Chaos~ |
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Jeramia Adept - Student 
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those were quite halarious _______________ The Force is my ally, and a powerful ally it is. Padawan Brother to Darth Sirius |
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DJK - Student 
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Quote: Funny stuff! But the joke with the farmer would've been easier to read if you used the words "to" and "too", instead of "2", seeing how there was a character called "Farmer 2" in it. Agreed, Funny nevertheless |
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Thomasooo - Student 
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Funny stuff! But the joke with the farmer would've been easier to read if you used the words "to" and "too", instead of "2", seeing how there was a character called "Farmer 2" in it. _______________ In the navy and LOVING it!
Recipient of comment no. 1000 and heart-warming words from Ataris!
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Jade Jedi - Retired 
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LOL very funny. _______________ *CLICKEH->Never risk the Fett Man|*Download my Saber here. Made by master craftsman Pink Floyd_Mintaka + his 2002 & 4000 comment's [Laz's 700th comment][BDKawika's 600th comment] & Owner of a TOWEL award!!|Master: Sared Padawans: Rage-Ball and Dante Eagle.|*Jade Jedi at The Jedi Academy Archives "There's only one Return and it's not of the King it's of the Jedi" Randal Clerks 2 The top 10 reasons why I procrastinate: 1. |
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Nuebus - Student 
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and i get the feeling i'm gonna get chased away bein called a witch >< _______________ Sanity is for the weak -Let the madness consume you... I'ma moron, i'm the master of morons, i even got a club of morons... so how do u beat me at bein a moron?... and no, not by being u. Ex-Padawan of Chaos~ |
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