| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block? Mom replies, "No, because she's in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you." Dad said, "Bring the Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?" The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a night-cap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible!!! "You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? " "No, " she replies . . . . She says to him ..... "You just happened to be the only man to catch my eye!" _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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An eighteen year-old girl in Aberdeen goes home to see her mum and tells her that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, " Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!! " The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a brand new red Ferrari stops at their house, a mature and distinguished man, with grey hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother and the girl, and tells them: " Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 3 stores, 2 houses, a beach villa and put £750,000 into her bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories, and a £1,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a business and £500,000 each. However..., if there is a miscarriage... " At this point, the father, who had remained silent all the time, interrupts, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him: "You'll shag her again." _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims. "Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!" _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. This comment was edited by Bail Hope of Belouve on Jul 24 2004 10:45pm. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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This guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Give me two single whiskies" "Sure" the bartender replies, "do you want them both now or one at a time?" "Oh, both now" replies the guy, "one's for me and one's for my little friend here" and with that the guy pulls a three inch tall man out of his shirt pocket. The Bartender looked at the little man in amazement and asked, "Can he drink?" "Sure" replied the guy and with that the three inch tall man supped back his whiskey. "That's amazing" replied the bartender, "what else can he do? Can he walk?" With that the guy flips a quarter down to the other end of the bar and asks the little fella to get it. Sure enough, he runs down the bar and retrieves the coin, picks it up and jogs back to the guy. "That really is amazing" replied the bartender, "Can he talk?" "Of course" says the guy, "Hey Jim, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you called that witch-doctor a wanker..." _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Vasper Ba'xian - Student 
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HAHA!! nice!! _______________ Brother to: Tamal, Kavar, J.D.,Jermia, Devlin, Ulic, Xiabara, Seij,Tarron Mib,>>>ROCK ON  .My Spacescapes art page.My Everything Else art page. MY FAV. Jedi Are: Qui-Gon Jinn, Corran Horn, and Anakin Solo. Unofficial Master to Tamal. and Kavar. Founder of the Wuji Hundun Jian saber style. Proud owner of Tamal's 200th comment!//Proud owner of Refl3x's 300th comment!>>>Proud owner of Tyrant's 800th comment>>>Proud owner of Lucky's 170th comment>>>Proud owner of BDKawika's 444th comment>>>To except Existance is to except Reality.
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Darkwood - Student 
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haha good one  _______________ -Darkwood- |
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JamesF1 - Student 
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ROFL!!!!! _______________ Website |
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_cmad_ - Ex-Student 
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ROFL _______________ Your friends of today, are your enemies of tomorrow. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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LOL!!! I love 'em!!! Keep 'em coming!!! ----- A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own.” The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Tennessee. We settle small disagreements like this with the "Three Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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DJK - Student 
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LOL! Ewww! |
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Vasper Ba'xian - Student
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Guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. While he's sitting there having a drink, his monkey is running around eating the olives, the peanuts, what ever he could find. Finally he goes over to the pool table, grabs the Q ball and shoves it down his throat. Well now the bartender is mad so he makes the 2 of them leave. The next week the guy and his monkey come back. He see's the guy sit while the monkey goes over to the flamin cherries. He grabs one, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eat it. The bartender said "ohhh my god!, why did he do that?" The man said, ever since he ate that Q ball, he measures things now. _______________ Brother to: Tamal, Kavar, J.D.,Jermia, Devlin, Ulic, Xiabara, Seij,Tarron Mib,>>>ROCK ON .My Spacescapes art page.My Everything Else art page. MY FAV. Jedi Are: Qui-Gon Jinn, Corran Horn, and Anakin Solo. Unofficial Master to Tamal. and Kavar. Founder of the Wuji Hundun Jian saber style. Proud owner of Tamal's 200th comment!//Proud owner of Refl3x's 300th comment!>>>Proud owner of Tyrant's 800th comment>>>Proud owner of Lucky's 170th comment>>>Proud owner of BDKawika's 444th comment>>>To except Existance is to except Reality.
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Stimpski - Student 
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Hehe. My friend has that T-shirt. _______________ Stimpski (formerly known as DeathScythe many, many moons ago.) JA Forum ID - 3988 <insert generic &/OR witty tagline here> |
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Everybody - Student 
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Proof that girls are evil First we state that girls require time and money Girls = Time * Money And as we all know, "Time is money" Time = Money Therefore: Girls = Money * Money = (Money)² And because "money is the root of all evil"; Money = √Evil Therefore: Girls = (√Evil)² And we are forced to conclude that: Girls = Evil Sorry you girls, not my joke! Is it even funny? IS IT TRUE?  I have solved it! due to a load of typing errors: Money = Monet!!!!!! _______________ Signature, schmignature. This comment was edited by Everybody on Jul 20 2004 12:14pm. |
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Shang Chi - Student 
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Women do not: snore, burp, sweat or fart. Therefore, they must bitch or they will explode _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Shang Chi - Student 
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One time when I was home visiting my folks, my mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risqué picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad young woman. "Mom, what's this?" I asked. "Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to over-eat," she answered. "Is it working?" I asked. "Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!" _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Shang Chi - Student
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A man calls a lawyer and asks: "How much would you charge me to answer three questions?" Lawyer: "Four hundred dollars." Man: "That's a lot of money isn't it?" Lawyer: "I guess so. What's your third question?" _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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LOL!!! ----- Steve just got his liscence and wanted to take the family car out for a drive. "Dad, can I borrow the car?", he asked Dad replied, "Well, can your penis touch your butt?" "Ummmmmm...no." "Then you can't borrow the car." A couple of months go by and Steve asks his father for the car again. "Dad, can I borrow the car?" "Can your penis touch your butt?" "No." "Then you can't borrow the car." Another few months go by and Steve wants to borrow the car to go on a date. "Dad, can I borrow the car?" "Can your penis touch your butt?" Steve thinks for a moment and replies, "Yes! Yes it can!" "Well, then go screw yourself!" _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Shang Chi - Student
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One morning, a son got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of chicken wire. His father said, "Son, where are you going?" The son replied, "I'm going to catch me some chickens." The father said, "Son, you can't catch a chicken with chicken wire." But the son insisted that he knew what he was doing. Later on that day the son came home with two chickens in his hand. The father thought to himself, "I guess he knows what he's doing." The next morning the son got up and was about to leave the house with some duct tape. The father said, "Son, where are you going?" The son replied, "I'm going to catch some ducks." The father yelled, "YOU CAN'T CATCH DUCKS WITH DUCT TAPE!" The son insisted he knew what he was doing. Later on that day, the son came home with two ducks under each arm. The next morning, the son got up with a hand full of pussy willows... The father said, "WAIT UP SON, JUST LET ME PUT ON MY SHOES!" _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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R2D2 - Staff 
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Got one of those bar jokes. A set of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender exclaims, "Don't try to start anything!" That was pretty corny heh. At a Mexican restaurant one day, one of my older buds told me this joke: A piece of rope walks into a store, the manager comes out of his office and tells the rope "The store doesn't deal with his own kind." The rope is quite frustrated and goes outside and beats himself up on the sidewalk, eventually getting himself into a knot. The rope walks back into the store, and the manager comes out and tells him aren't you the same piece of rope that came in here. The rope says, "I'm a frayed knot" (Have to say this aloud heh, you'll get it) Never understood why that made me laugh lol. _______________ "Do or do not, there is no try" Jedi Master Yoda Dual Saberist This comment was edited by R2D2 on Jul 16 2004 06:50pm. |
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DJK - Student
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HHAHAHAH! Lol i wouldnt suck his -ahem- ether |
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Italian Ice - Student 
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Lone star bill, and his Indian friend Squanto are ridein threw the desert. Ol' bill's gotta stop to take a leak. well he walks over to a bush and starts to do his buisness, when BAM! A rattle snake jumps out the bush and bites him in the dick! He tells Squanto to go get help. Squanto rides off and finds a doctor and asks him what to do. Docter says, well you gotta suck teh poisen out. So squanto rides back to Bill. "What did the docter say ol buddy?" "hmmm, Doc say you gunna die." _______________ It's funny how many people know they have the right to remain silent, yet never do. |
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Antares - Student 
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OMG keep it up guys, those are awesome! _______________ "only two things are infinite: Human stupidity and the universe. And i'm not sure about the latter" Albert Einstein Proud padawan to Obi-Wan Kenobi, Brother to Tido, Setementor, Jalune and Jana-Johauna |
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Shang Chi - Student
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This guy asks his friend, 'If they were to drop a bomb right now what would be the first thing you would do?' Second guy says, 'I would screw the first thing that moved, what would you do? ' The first guy says, 'I would stand very still for half an hour.' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Shang Chi - Student
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This woman gives birth to a baby, and shortly afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman says, "A hermaphrodite ... what's that???" The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the ... er...features...of a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my God! You mean it has a penis ... AND a brain?" _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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