| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
|
Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
| Poll | ||
Are these jokes funny?
|
| < Recent Comments | Login and add your comment! | Previous Comments > |
| Comments |
|
Ryu - Student 
|
ROFL _______________ Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. |
|
JamesF1 - Student 
|
Heard it several times before - but still funny   _______________ Website |
|
Bubu - Hubbub 
|
/me keeps the Scotts out of this thread _______________ make install -not war |
|
El Vee For - Student 
|
lol, brutal _______________ “Arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you’re still retarded.” |
|
CuZzA - Student 
|
It is just before Scotland vs Brazil at the next World Cup Group game. Ronaldo goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum "What's up?" he asks. "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Scotland. They're sh*te and we can't be bothered". Ronaldo looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub." So Ronaldo goes out to play Scotland by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - Scotland 0 (Ronaldo 10minutes)". He is beating Scotland all by himself! Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They put the teletext on: "Result from the Stadium "Brazil 1 (Ronaldo 10 minutes) - Scotland 1 (Angus 89 minutes)". They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against Scotland!! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down." "Don't be daft, you got a draw against Scotland, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!" "No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes" _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
|
Thomasooo - Student 
|
Hahahhaha ROFL x 3! _______________ In the navy and LOVING it!
Recipient of comment no. 1000 and heart-warming words from Ataris! 
|
|
SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
|
Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mum! I have someone for you to meet." Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit. Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?" She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning." He knew he was not getting lucky that night. The following night was the same she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit--but now he was wearing a black condom. She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?" He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences." _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
|
SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
|
A drunk walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!" The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!" At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says, "Grandpa, go home, you're drunk! _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
|
SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
|
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realised he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle and went 'bang,bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor. The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver." The doctor replied, "My point exactly". _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
|
Ryu - Student 
|
sorry that 1 wasnt funny  _______________ Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. |
|
Bubu - Hubbub
|
And another one: A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said,"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?" _______________ make install -not war |
|
Ryu - Student
|
lol _______________ Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. |
|
Bubu - Hubbub
|
Here's another engineering one: Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections. " The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" _______________ make install -not war |
|
Ryu - Student
|
LOL _______________ Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. |
|
Bubu - Hubbub
|
haha good one Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit." _______________ make install -not war |
|
Ryu - Student
|
lol n1 _______________ Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. |
|
Shang Chi - Student 
|
I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?" "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing either." Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" No, I don't," I said. He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" "No," I said. "I don't do any of those things." He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a sh** if you live to be 80? _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
|
JamesF1 - Student
|
I'd heard the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman one before - so that wasn't funny. Yours were mildy amusing. _______________ Website |
|
Bubu - Hubbub
|
Let me guess, Kensei, you didn't find that one funny either. How about this one: Q. How many spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Juan. OR------------------- Q: What is E.T. short for? A: Because he's got little legs. OR------------------- Q: What's the opposite of 'omniscient'? A: I don't know. har har *cough* _______________ make install -not war This comment was edited by Bubu on Oct 29 2005 01:07am. |
|
Ryu - Student
|
LOL! _______________ Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. |
|
The Dragon Reborn - Student 
|
An Englishman, an Irishman and a scotsman were stranded on a desert island. After living there for many years, they find a magical lamp. The irishman polishes it on his sleeve and.. POOF! A Genie appears. The Genie grants the group three wishes, but as there are three of them, they have only one wish each. First is the Englishman. He says "i wish i was in the pub back home, with all my mates, a pint, and the rugby on the telly.2 The Genie clicks his fingers and the Englishman is gone. The he turns to the scotsman, who says "i wish i was back home with wife, a pint, and footie on TV" The Genie clicks his fingers, and the Scotsman is gone. He then turns to the irishman, and asks "what is your wish" The Irishman replies "Well, i've lived here a long time now, and i actually really like it. But it seems awful lonely on me own. I think i want the Englishman and the Scotsman to come back" _______________ Padawan to Solitude "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to... suffering" -Jedi Master Yoda "I shall not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will allow it to pass over me and through me, and when it has gone i will turn my inner eye to see its path. Where fear has gone there will be nothing. Only i will remain." -Bene Gesserit Litany, Dune |
|
JamesF1 - Student
|
Sorry Silk, I just didn't find either of those funny _______________ Website |
|
SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
|
One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung." I took a drink from my can of Budweiser, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban Sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and then calmly replied, "I am, that's why she is the one that cuts the grass." _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
|
SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
|
Some dilbert/office style humor: A company had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Management said, "Someone might steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then management said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people; one person to write the instructions and one person to do time studies. Then management said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing his tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then management said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a timekeeper and a payroll officer; then hired two more people. Then management said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people; an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary. Then management said, "We've had this command in operation for one year now and we're $18,000 over budget. We have to cutback on overall costs." Naturally they laid off the night watchman. _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
|
Nuebus - Student 
|
mm... yeah well i didnt think they were, a few ppl laughed at these jopkes from otehr forums so... wth... _______________ Sanity is for the weak -Let the madness consume you... I'ma moron, i'm the master of morons, i even got a club of morons... so how do u beat me at bein a moron?... and no, not by being u. Ex-Padawan of Chaos~ |
| < Recent Comments | Login and add your comment! | Previous Comments > |