| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
|
Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
| Poll | ||
Are these jokes funny?
|
| < Recent Comments | Login and add your comment! | Previous Comments > |
| Comments |
|
Thomasooo - Student 
|
Quote:
Quote: AHAHAHAHAHAHA... not funny! ^Bird Lover   Nah, he's just pissed off because it didn't turn out to be a pr0n story. _______________ In the navy and LOVING it!
Recipient of comment no. 1000 and heart-warming words from Ataris! 
|
|
CuZzA - Student 
|
Quote: AHAHAHAHAHAHA... not funny! ^Bird Lover _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
|
JamesF1 - Student 
|
AHAHAHAHAHAHA... not funny! _______________ Website |
|
Ryu - Student 
|
ROFL nice one _______________ Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. |
|
Thomasooo - Student
|
There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most." He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running off together behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left." The male statue asks the woman statue, "Would you like to do it again?" "Oh, yes let's," she replies! "But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and you poop on its head. _______________ In the navy and LOVING it!
Recipient of comment no. 1000 and heart-warming words from Ataris!
This comment was edited by Thomasooo on Oct 10 2005 11:10pm. |
|
Vision - Jedi Knight 
|
hehe |
|
AvaloN - Student 
|
rofl, nice ones |
|
Eica - Student 
|
lol _______________ Former padawan of RoseRed |
|
Shang Chi - Student 
|
this may be a repeat but here goes It was the first day of school and a new 4th grade student named Pedro. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?'" Again, no response except from Pedro. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped at the students, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new, knows more about history than you do!" A student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Pedro. "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now, with almost mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little sh*t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you!" Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001." The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh sh*t, we're in BIG trouble now!" Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003. _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. This comment was edited by Shang Chi on Oct 01 2005 11:31pm. |
|
JamesF1 - Student 
|
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA *BREAAAATHE* _______________ Website |
|
Eica - Student 
|
Nice ones silk, here's one: A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?" The blonde quickly responded, "How about £50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the husband asked! "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the £50.00 and handed it to her. "And by the way," the blonde added, "It's not a Porch, it's a Lexus." _______________ Former padawan of RoseRed |
|
JamesF1 - Student
|
LOL AT THE LAST ONE! The others were good too _______________ Website |
|
tarpman - The Tarped Avenger 
|
hehehehehe _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
|
SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
|
Listen up! If you don't laugh out loud at this one, call the morgue and reserve a tray, because you are dead. Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she l! ooked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead. _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
|
SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
|
The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman. "Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?" "Shure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we won't have any of that carrying on in this bar." The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz." The bartender nodded, "Well, heck, if you're that far along you might as well finish the job." _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
|
SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
|
An elderly priest made it a practice to visit the parish school once a week. he walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states could they name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day, students knew the names of ALL the states. One lad raised his hand and said, "yeah, but in those days there were only 13." _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
|
SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
|
A Cocker Spaniel, a Poodle and a Great Dane found themselves in the waiting room at the veterinary office. Spaniel to the Poodle: "Why are you in here?" Poodle: "Well, I peed in the house one too many times, and my owners have decided it was time to put me to sleep. Why are you here?" Spaniel: "I've got a very bad temper, and I the other day I bit two of the neighbor's kids. So, my owners are having me put to sleep too." He turns to the Great Dane and asks, "Why are you here?" Great Dane: "Well my owner is a beautiful blonde who walks around the house all day in the nude. Yesterday I couldn't take it any more and when she was on her knees doing something on the floor, I mounted her." Spanial: "So, why are you here?" Great Dane: "I have to get my nails clipped." _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
|
Eica - Student
|
HAHAHA ROFL!!! _______________ Former padawan of RoseRed |
|
JamesF1 - Student
|
ROFL _______________ Website |
|
tarpman - The Tarped Avenger 
|
ROFL!! _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
|
SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
|
As promised, I'm back. Al and Joe two guys are bungee jumping one day. Al says to Joe, "You know, we could make a lot of money renting our very own bungee-jumping service in Mexico. They don't have it down there." Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, and all. They travel down to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd, they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration to the large crowd below! So Al jumps........... Al bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comesfback up, Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him, and he goes down again, bounces, and comes back up. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, Joe misses him. Al falls again and bounces back up.This time, he is pretty messed up. He's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Joe catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" Barely able to speak, Al gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd. What the hell is a pinata?" _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
|
SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
|
Quote: This thread drops to new lows with every non-SilkMonkey post made WOOT I'M LOVED!! I'll have more jokes later... _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
|
tarpman - The Tarped Avenger
|
On the bright side, at least I understood that one. _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
|
JamesF1 - Student
|
This thread drops to new lows with every non-SilkMonkey post made _______________ Website |
|
Eica - Student
|
Pretty lame, but worth a look : An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the council worker "10" replies the Essex girl "10?" says the council worker, "What are their names?" "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne" "Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it." "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the Essex girl, "I just use their surnames". _______________ Former padawan of RoseRed |
| < Recent Comments | Login and add your comment! | Previous Comments > |