| Bank Letter | |
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Sared - Retired  |
The attached is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. To whom it may concern, I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his depositing the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly transfer of funds from my modest savings account, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty-one years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. >My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has recently become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Please allow me to level the playing field even further. When you call me, you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail system to choose from. Pease press the buttons as follows: 1. To make an appointment to see me. 2. To query a missing payment. 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. 7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact. 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee of $50 to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. Please credit my account after each occasion. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year. Your Humble Client, (Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman) _______________ I'm crazy, not stupid. |
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| Comments |
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Thomasooo - Student 
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How come the 96-year-olds get all the brains and humor?  _______________ In the navy and LOVING it! 
Recipient of comment no. 1000 and heart-warming words from Ataris! 
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Refl3x - Student 
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Haha!  _______________ "The only child ever to survive a roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris was Gary Coleman. He has not grown since." Whachoo talkin bout Willis? Go Sox baby. |
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JamesF1 - Student 
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AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH _______________ Website |
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Senor Hat - Student 
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hahahaha _______________ I have beaten The Internet. The end guy was hard. |
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Bubu - Hubbub 
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hehe that's class _______________ make install -not war |
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tarpman - The Tarped Avenger 
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ROFL _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
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Darth Sirius - Student 
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LOL. I used to work for an institution like she described. It was big fun listening to clients complain about our automated attendant that they would reach when trying to contact us. The AVR system was awful. _______________ The true padawan prodigy of Jedi_Pimp Learning staff from Janus, This comment was edited by Darth Sirius on Jul 28 2005 11:41pm. |
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DarthMike - Student 
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sooooo.... is this supposed to be funny? Or is it saying banks are bad? Or is it saying 96 year old women are bad? _______________ "You can't get Windows on a Mac because the drivers are not compatible." --- Some dude from the Geek Squad "So if you have quad-core, you have four times the RAM, right?" --- Some guy at Best Buy |
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