| Guide to women | |
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Ash - Eats Babies  |
I stole this from another forum which happened to have stole it from another forum so i dont really think its stealing, anyway... For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system: SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed.....+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows...0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1 You leave the toilet seat up.....-5 You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.....0 When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.-1 When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.... -2 You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings...+5 In the snow .......+8 But return with beer.....-5 And no liners.....-25 You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0 You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0 You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5 You pummel it with a six iron.....+10 It's her cat.....-40 AT THE PARTY You stay by her side the entire party.....0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy.....-2 Named Tiffany.....-4 Tiffany is a dancer.....-10 With breast implants.....-18 HER BIRTHDAY You remember her birthday.....0 You buy a card and flowers.....0 You take her out to dinner.....0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1 Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2 And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3 It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team ...-10 A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS Go with a pal.....0 The pal is happily married.....+1 The pal is single.....-7 He drives a Ferrari.....-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15 A NIGHT OUT WITH HER You take her to a movie.....+2 You take her to a movie she likes.....+4 You take her to a movie you hate.....+6 You take her to a movie you like.....-2 It's called Death Cop III.....-3 Which features Cyborgs that crush human skulls.....-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans..-15 YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15 You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10 You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30 You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800 THE BIG QUESTION: She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding.....-10 You reply, "Where?".....-35 You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".....-100 Any other response.....-20 COMMUNICATION: When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0 You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5 You relate to her problem and share a similar experience..+50 You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying" well, what do you think I should do?".....-100 You have fallen asleep.....-200 ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH You talk.....-100 You don't talk.....-150 You spend time with her......-200 You don't spend time with her.....-500 You seem to be enjoying yourself..-1000 GAME OVER - YOU LOSE _______________ "We keep odd hours...." ----------------------- They Live, We Sleep |
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| Comments |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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I think it's easier to write the complete Matrix then to write a small program which understands women ...  _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Antares - Student 
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Hmm, interesting, those creatures we call girls seem to have a behavior that is by far more complex than what I ever imagined  _______________ "only two things are infinite: Human stupidity and the universe. And i'm not sure about the latter" Albert Einstein Proud padawan to Obi-Wan Kenobi, Brother to Tido, Setementor, Jalune and Jana-Johauna |
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Rosie - Student 
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Eeeeey!!!! |
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Odan-Wei Belouve - Student 
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ok, my results: Simple Duties: 0 (quite a good score you have to admit )At the Party: -6 (I love to drink with Tiffany.. or was it Sarah? Michelle? oh wth!) Her Birthsday: +1 (yeah, I had to tattoo the date on my left wrist to remember, everything has a price...) A Night Out with the Boys: -7 (feh as if it is my fault if the guy is single !!!) A Night Out with Her: +2 (oh man, I do some sacrifices !) Your Physique: -800 (yes, this costed me a lot but, it's just the truth  )The Big Question: -10 (I avoid the subject to stay safe) Communication: +50 (yeah, I swear it's true, and I'm good at it  )It's That Time of the Month: -1000 (why should I stop to live at this very moment ??? )Total score: -1770 Comment: I'm fucked Oh man, you can't win with women _______________ Padawan and brother to SmilyKrazy - Adopted in the Belouve Family by Fizz and Bubu, BELOUVE ON! - Vladarion, you'll always be in my heart and memories - Spam-Padawan of Jacen Aratan - [DJ is my beloved wife! - JA Family: Brothers:
Virtue, Furi0us, Vladarion, Hardwired, Janus, Axion, D@RtHM@UL, Motrec, Mike , xAnAtOs , Luke Skywalker; Little bro to SilkMonkey ; Special kind of brother to Kenyon ; Sisters in-law: Rosered, Ain-Soph Aur] Photoshop works: click here This comment was edited by Odan-Wei Belouve on Jul 13 2004 12:58pm. |
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Sared - Retired 
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Need to add a couple. Like the few instances where you screw up BAD and instead of loosing points, she just outright kills you. _______________ I'm crazy, not stupid. |
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VirusD - Student 
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hahahaha ! _______________ '** I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.**' '**On going to war over religion: "You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.**" '**I Dont Lie! I Just Bend And Illustrate The Truth A Little**' - By me when talking to a friend. |
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Apologetic - Student 
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Gotta wuv my bumps ^_^ _______________ Love GOD and jesus as they love u  [move]We defend the peace and help the helpless we r the mandilorian jedi troops![/move] |
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DJK - Student 
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Hehehheh!! |
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JavaGuy - Student 
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Quote: THE BIG QUESTION: She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat? ... You reply, "No, I think it's your ass" If every man on the planet did this just once, we'd never have to hear that question again. But would we ever suffer for it in the short term. _______________ My signature is only one line. You're welcome. |
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Vasper Ba'xian - Student 
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MY GOD!!! My GF must have read this thread 2 years ago, cause she's just like that!!! _______________ Brother to: Tamal, Kavar, J.D.,Jermia, Devlin, Ulic, Xiabara, Seij,Tarron Mib,>>>ROCK ON .My Spacescapes art page.My Everything Else art page. MY FAV. Jedi Are: Qui-Gon Jinn, Corran Horn, and Anakin Solo. Unofficial Master to Tamal. and Kavar. Founder of the Wuji Hundun Jian saber style. Proud owner of Tamal's 200th comment!//Proud owner of Refl3x's 300th comment!>>>Proud owner of Tyrant's 800th comment>>>Proud owner of Lucky's 170th comment>>>Proud owner of BDKawika's 444th comment>>>To except Existance is to except Reality.
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xAnAtOs - Student |
Haha you guys still got this thread up.... _______________ Brother to Luke Skywalker and (SKX) Dark Blade 
Lag Brother to Acey Spadey 
Jools is my best friend.
<Henkes> nebody feeling like abusing me with a lightsaber?|+Smilykrazy grabs Gradius, beats the living CRAP out of him, then throws him into a huge vat of ACID |
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Ash - Eats Babies 
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Jeebus you people and your bumps....... _______________ "We keep odd hours...." ----------------------- They Live, We Sleep |
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Garos - Student 
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Hahahahaha Tiffany!!! HAHAHAHA |
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tarpman - The Tarped Avenger 
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Apo ima CUT you if you ever bump this again! _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
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Orion - Retired 
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omg this is awsome! _______________ When a Man lies he murder's some part of the world. These are the pale deaths which men misscall there lives. All this I cannot bear to witness any longer. Cannot the kingdom of salvation take me home? -Cliff Burton Owner of Smily's 1900th comment | <Lady_Catherine> i love your sexy white socks! | (Lady_Catherine) i adore u! | (Lady_Catherine) onion (Lady_Catherine) i lub u |
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Apologetic - Student 
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*bumpaholic* _______________ Love GOD and jesus as they love u [move]We defend the peace and help the helpless we r the mandilorian jedi troops![/move] |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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What's your secret? _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Kueller - Student 
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I seem to be getting only pluspoints with my girl. Except when I'm doing JA work _______________ Personal sleepness-nights-supporter of Virtue. Owner of the 1000th comment of Daidalus and 1943th comment of Gradius! Owner of the 300th comment of Carda! -Taught Gradius all his laming skills
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tarpman - The Tarped Avenger 
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feh _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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lol at post below well... at this point I'm really glad I've never had any girl asking me the 'Does this dress make me look fat?' question. Thank god to that _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Ash - Eats Babies 
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depends on the woman. if you say that to a young lass you are dating then she will probably think you are the sweetest person in the world. if you say that to your wife she will most likely think your full of sh*t _______________ "We keep odd hours...." ----------------------- They Live, We Sleep |
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Steinin - Student 
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Quote: THE BIG QUESTION: She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding.....-10 You reply, "Where?".....-35 You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".....-100 Any other response.....-20 What would her response be if you're absolutely transfixed by her beauty and are only able to utter a "You're the most beautiful woman in the world." _______________ 362 Ohi on! |
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Lian Del Rey - Student 
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I really liked Quote: AT THE PARTY You stay by her side the entire party.....0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy.....-2 Named Tiffany.....-4 Tiffany is a dancer.....-10 With breast implants.....-18 and Quote: YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15 You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10 You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30 You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800 _______________ slorp This comment was edited by Lian Del Rey on Feb 28 2004 03:48am. |
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Killer_Chicken - Ex-Student 
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You give her old choclates for Valentins Day from your closet with your mothers name on it ... -500,000 _______________ I'm so smart,smart S-M-R-T ---- Homer Simpson |
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D@RtHM@UL - Student 
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Nice! |
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