| Guide to women | |
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Ash - Eats Babies  |
I stole this from another forum which happened to have stole it from another forum so i dont really think its stealing, anyway... For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system: SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed.....+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows...0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1 You leave the toilet seat up.....-5 You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.....0 When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.-1 When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.... -2 You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings...+5 In the snow .......+8 But return with beer.....-5 And no liners.....-25 You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0 You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0 You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5 You pummel it with a six iron.....+10 It's her cat.....-40 AT THE PARTY You stay by her side the entire party.....0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy.....-2 Named Tiffany.....-4 Tiffany is a dancer.....-10 With breast implants.....-18 HER BIRTHDAY You remember her birthday.....0 You buy a card and flowers.....0 You take her out to dinner.....0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1 Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2 And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3 It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team ...-10 A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS Go with a pal.....0 The pal is happily married.....+1 The pal is single.....-7 He drives a Ferrari.....-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15 A NIGHT OUT WITH HER You take her to a movie.....+2 You take her to a movie she likes.....+4 You take her to a movie you hate.....+6 You take her to a movie you like.....-2 It's called Death Cop III.....-3 Which features Cyborgs that crush human skulls.....-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans..-15 YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15 You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10 You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30 You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800 THE BIG QUESTION: She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding.....-10 You reply, "Where?".....-35 You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".....-100 Any other response.....-20 COMMUNICATION: When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0 You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5 You relate to her problem and share a similar experience..+50 You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying" well, what do you think I should do?".....-100 You have fallen asleep.....-200 ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH You talk.....-100 You don't talk.....-150 You spend time with her......-200 You don't spend time with her.....-500 You seem to be enjoying yourself..-1000 GAME OVER - YOU LOSE _______________ "We keep odd hours...." ----------------------- They Live, We Sleep |
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| Comments |
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Killer_Chicken - Ex-Student 
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You give her old choclates for Valentins Day from your closet with your mothers name on it ... -500,000  _______________ I'm so smart,smart S-M-R-T ---- Homer Simpson |
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D@RtHM@UL - Student 
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Nice! |
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Stimpski - Student 
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Thank God I don't have a g/f, or a wife for that matter. _______________ Stimpski (formerly known as DeathScythe many, many moons ago.) JA Forum ID - 3988 <insert generic &/OR witty tagline here> |
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Ashyr - Student 
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The question: "Do I look fat?" or "Does this make me look fat?" should just have an automatic no. (I think someone said this in an earlier post) With women, you at least have to act like you care about every feeling and everything that happens to them. But, just 'acting' like your listening doesn't cut it. Cause, if you listen to what she says she likes, and things she doesn't like, then buy her (a) gift(s), That adds at least a +50, depending on how expencive. When it's that time of the month, I really don't know what to tell ya'. I just don't have an opinion, and do whatever she says. _______________ Top ten reasons to get a better computer...|My fan |
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Jippie Phoenix - Student 
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dang the toilet seat being left up is the worst 1 I'm always having arguments about it. why can't she put the toilet seat up so I can do my business. She never listens _______________ |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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rofl well, that is a good list am I glad I'm only sixteen and not living with a girl yet _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. This comment was edited by Bail Hope of Belouve on Feb 27 2004 02:05pm. |
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Steinin - Student 
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/me writes that down. _______________ 362 Ohi on! |
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Menaxia - Student 
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It's very true. The ONLY correct response to 'Does my bum look big in this?' is "NO of course not!" 'fraid there's no other way out of that one guys - but make sure she's seen you look at her before saying it  _______________ This is not the place to look for me |
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Fizz of Belouve - Student 
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bah u self-bumper _______________ One of the Belouve boys, founder of the mighty FiZZsters Midbie council #20 - Fizz - #1933 - Jan '03 - Aug '04 "Renfield, you idiot!" |
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Monteeeeeee - Nugget 
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yea man it rocks just like your pics _______________ If you add me to MSN, tell me who you are
Best Movie Character EVER!! |
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Ash - Eats Babies 
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do you expect anything less from me lol? _______________ "We keep odd hours...." ----------------------- They Live, We Sleep |
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Bubu - Hubbub 
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haha this is good stuff _______________ make install -not war |
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Lian Del Rey - Student 
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       _______________ slorp |
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Ash - Eats Babies 
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*uber quadrouple mega awesome bump* i was thinking of this thread the other day. just felt like bumping my own stuff. _______________ "We keep odd hours...." ----------------------- They Live, We Sleep |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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You forgot: E-mailing this list or posting it on a website: -5000 _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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_cmad_ - Ex-Student 
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women's mood: yeah... u can never know what she will do... it is scary They are all unpredictable...however pron IS predictable but not live... So in some thing pron's just better and in other women are better than pron (yeah, u all know what things i am talkin about here ) _______________ Your friends of today, are your enemies of tomorrow. |
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Muad'dib - Student 
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Women: Porn: (i.e. happy, but blind)Some things are just less complicated. _______________ "It's because I love you. No. It's because I love you" Oh, Anakin, you're eloquence is second to none. I AM THE OPIATE OF THE MASSES! |
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BD - Ex-Student 
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wait a sec ... hey that's the truth ... _______________ -"Do, or do not. There is no try"- |
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Hèlèñ¢å†hè®îñè - Student 
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_______________ Treat others the way you expect to be treated
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Malk - Student 
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Hey women might be confusing and complicated sometimes, but they are wonderful, gorgeous and damn lovely. Don't diss them, kiss them _______________ You swing too hard, ass. I Swear!!! |
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Silencio - Student 
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I'd like steak and a bj day _______________ Second-in-command of the mighty FiZZsters |
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JavaGuy - Student 
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I just have one thing to add: If you want really, really _bad_ advice on what women really want in a man, ask any woman! _______________ My signature is only one line. You're welcome. |
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Rosie - Student 
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hehehe I loooove being a woman |
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aph3x - Retired 
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Lol or You piss all over the ground in the bathroom cause you drank too much partying with your unemployed friends and thier stipper girlfriends: -1,000,000,000,000,000,000 points hahahha ok i just thought of this one You insist that you replace valentine's day with "Steak and B***job Day"(didnt make that part up): -infinity points This comment was edited by aph3x on Aug 24 2003 01:01pm. |
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_cmad_ - Ex-Student 
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women are strange alright... we just need them to keep the human race on earth.... nothin else.... all of it was SO SO SO true... BUT! u forgot one thing: =You piss all over the toilet seat and she sees that..... -1,000,000,000 _______________ Your friends of today, are your enemies of tomorrow. |
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