| Bad Jokes | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
I just love bad jokes! 
What is a dentist's favorite time? Tooth hurty (sound it out) Why did the dead baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted......peanut Have you heard about the new pirate movie? It's rated "Arrrrrr." A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says,"Hey, I've got a drink named after you." After a few seconds, the grasshopper replies,"You have a drink named Steve?" _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Buzz - Student 
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This isn't a bad joke, but it is the perfect joke http://www.funnyforwards.com/perfectjoke.html _______________ When you are going through Hell, keep going. -Sir Winston Churchill. Those who seek power and control of others, no matter the level, no matter the intentions, should never be given it. |
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Bubu - Hubbub 
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rofl @ at that last one _______________ make install -not war |
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Acey Spadey - Student 
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hey you stole mine....refer to the not funny thread for my joke on the grasshopper in the bar...
anyway.. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says. "why the long face" Two blondes walk into a bar, you'd think the second would miss.. _______________ .Lag Bro to Xanatos. Adopted Twin to Bubu. Big-Brother to SmilyKrazy ---- JATSRAD Guru, JASE Member, JA SP Mod Staff ---- The Order of the Stick -- Big thanks to Mango for my avatar -- Quote: Sometimes you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
Quote: (Random hella old quote) <Fizz of Belouve> .. in sovjet russia, cereals spit at YOU!
Quote: whats the point of growing up, if your not allowed to act childish!
Padawan - Henkes
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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Thread Maintainance!!!
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. How do you get holy water? You boil the hell out of it. What do eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids What do you call cheese that isn't yours? --Nacho cheese. What do you call santa's helpers? --Subordinate clauses. What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quattro sinko. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk. _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Buzz - Student
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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?
- Because she was a woman. *note* this is a BAD joke I don't actually promote making fun of women and their driving skills here's another one. Why are women such bad drivers? - Because they were taugh by their fathers. _______________ When you are going through Hell, keep going. -Sir Winston Churchill. Those who seek power and control of others, no matter the level, no matter the intentions, should never be given it. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind too. _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Fizz of Belouve - Student 
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have u seen stevie wonder's new wife ?
so hasn't he. Stevie Wonder died because he came along a rough wall a nd couldnt stop reading. ...more to come _______________ One of the Belouve boys, founder of the mighty FiZZsters Midbie council #20 - Fizz - #1933 - Jan '03 - Aug '04 "Renfield, you idiot!" |
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Narsil - Student 
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And now, some Helen Keller jokes:
How did Helen Keller drive herself crazy? Trying to read a Stucco Wall How did Helen Keller's Parents punish her? They rearranged her room Or They put her in a round room and said "There's a penny in the corner" Or They left the plunger in Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? You would too if your name was "Urughhhhhhhummph" Helen Keller went to town a riding on a pony stuck a feather in her hat and called it... Urrrrruhhhhhhhhh How did Helen Keller break her arms? By trying to read the Road Signs at 40 mph If a Tree Falls in a Forest and lands on Helen Keller, does it make a sound? And many, many more.
_______________ "...and the sword of Elendil filled Orcs and Men with fear, for it shone with the light of the sun and of the moon, and it was named Narsil." Former Padawan of NoFrikinFun and Lightning Rod |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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I like the boomerang one Bubu!
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a swimming pool? Bob What do you call the same guy on the doorstep? Matt What do you call the same guy hanging on the wall? Art What do you call him if he's in a pile of leaves? Russel _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Bubu - Hubbub
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you want bad jokes? well here you go:
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers. What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Damn! Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of the dog. What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes, whack, damn. a bad skydiver goes damn, whack. How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it. What goes clop, clop, clop, bang,bang,clop clop clop? An amish drive-by shooting How are a texas tornado and a tennessee divorce the same? Somebody's gonna lose a trailer. _______________ make install -not war |
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Fizz of Belouve - Student
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here's a regular bad one.
-> johnny the flea wants to jump up a cupboard. he doesn't make it and falls down. outside the sun is rising. -> an important customer walks straight into the companiy's building to the chief secretary. "I have to talk to your boss" secretary: "I'm afraid he is not here." Customer: "But I have seen him through the window" Secretery: "He too...." _______________ One of the Belouve boys, founder of the mighty FiZZsters Midbie council #20 - Fizz - #1933 - Jan '03 - Aug '04 "Renfield, you idiot!" |
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Ulic Belouve - Student 
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I might face hell for this, but I'll say it anyways. It comes out of an academic book I have to read, so if that means anything.
What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a women's track team? One's a cunning bunch of runts, the other's a running bunch of cunts. So, yeah, has some vulgarity, but still funny. _______________ Jedi do not fight for peace. That's only a slogan, and is as misleading as slogans always are. Jedi fight for civilization, because only civilization creates peace. |
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Vaughn - Student 
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big fart...no chief...
oh hex, i had some jokes, but i forget them all... oh yes Ok, so this guy walks into a bar, and there is this chinese guy and a jewish man... wait, gotta check my sourroundings *looks around. On one side, chinese people. on the other side, jewish men* ok, and sitting at the table was a naked priest... oh sorry father *sitting at the other end of the table was a nakid priest* "oh dont worry, ive heard them all" family guy yes, bad joke _______________ When you become an actor, you become the person, and you dont act anymore. You just are. - Tyler HP, Taught by Mr G Simpson |
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Narsil - Student
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Helping JAck off a horse. HAHAHA!
Okay One day an Indian tribe was traveling outside a village, and the chief was getting kinda constipated. Had to go. So an indian brave went into town, went into the general store, and shouted "BIG CHIEF NO FART". The store owner stared for a second, then replied "Weeelllll... how about I give you this. The store owner gives the brave a can of beans and says "Feed this to him, if it doesnt work come back tomorrow". So the brave goes home, night passes, and the next day bright and early, the brave walks into the store yelling "BIG CHIEF NO FART". The store owner looks up, says "Reallly... well here you go," and gives the brave a quart of beans. He says "Feed this to the chief gradually over a week, if it doesnt work, come back when you're out". The brave walks out. Exactly one week later, the brave comes back in, and yells "BIG CHIEF NO FART." The store owner looks surprised. "Really... wow.. well, here you go." and hands the brave a gallon of beans. "Feed this to him over a month, if it doesn't work, come back." So the brave leaves. One month later, the brave comes back in looking furious. Before he can get a word out the store owner yells "What? You can't be telling me that chief is still constipated??" The brave evilly looks at the store owner. "BIG FART.. NO CHIEF" _______________ "...and the sword of Elendil filled Orcs and Men with fear, for it shone with the light of the sun and of the moon, and it was named Narsil." Former Padawan of NoFrikinFun and Lightning Rod |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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Guys, you're killing me!!! Keep 'em coming!!!
_______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Buzz - Student 
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How did Jackie Kennedy break her arm?
-Helping Jack off a horse What did the hat rack say to the hat? -You go on ahead, I'll stay here. _______________ When you are going through Hell, keep going. -Sir Winston Churchill. Those who seek power and control of others, no matter the level, no matter the intentions, should never be given it. |
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YubYub - Student 
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OK, short ones but not too bad.
Why did the pervert cross the road? He had his dick stuck in the chicken. What's the definition of "Suspicion"? Nuns doing push-ups in a cucumber field How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch'n'sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool How do you confuse an irish man? Put him in a round room and tell him to piss in the corner What's got 8 legs and a black pussy? The A-Team A Horse walks into a bar, the bar says "why the long face?" Two eggs in a frying pan. One turns and says "it's hot here isn't it?". The other egg jumps "ARGH!! A TALKING EGG!" Two cows in a field, one says "Moo", the next one turns round. "you bastard, i was gonna say that" that's all for now. it's late and i need my beauty sleep This comment was edited by YubYub on Feb 11 2003 08:51pm. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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LOL!!! I'll be Bach!!! OMG, I think I just peed myself!
Here's another one: These 3 ropes go into a bar and head to a table over in the corner. One of the ropes decides to go up to the bar to order drinks for his buddies and himself. As he goes up to the bar, he notices a sign that says, "We don't serve ropes. Thanks, Mgmt". He gets really nervous but still saddles up to the bar. Nervously, he asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender turns around and says, "Are you a rope?" The rope turns around, pees his pants and runs out of the bar. One of the other ropes decides that he would try to order drinks. He bellies up to the bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender turns around and says, "Are you a rope?" The rope turns around, craps his pants and runs out of the bar. The last rope, seeing both of his buddies, gets real nervous. He gets all tied up in a knot, his ends get all frayed but he tries to get a drink. He gets to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender turns around and says, "Are you a rope?" The rope cleverly replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This comment was edited by Battlin' Billy on Feb 11 2003 08:38pm. |
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Narsil - Student 
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Hmm.. I know a worse joke than that last little girl one.. but can't say it (for fear of being banned, pinged to death, murdered, disappearing, etc.) So I'll stick with 2 classic yo mama jokes. Enjoy
Yo mama so dumb, she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. Yo mama so dumb, she got locked in a hardware store. Ooh, got these off the insert from a PCGamer magazine one time: A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says what is this, a joke? Steven Speilberg approaches Arnold Schwarzennager, Sylvester Stallone, and Jean Claude Van Dam, asking them if they want to be in an action movie about 3 classical composers: Beethoven, Bach, and Mozart. Stallone agrees, and asks to be Beethoven. Van Dam agrees, and demands to be Mozart. Schwarzennager looks up, and says "I'll be Bach" _______________ "...and the sword of Elendil filled Orcs and Men with fear, for it shone with the light of the sun and of the moon, and it was named Narsil." Former Padawan of NoFrikinFun and Lightning Rod This comment was edited by Narsil on Feb 11 2003 05:42pm. |
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phogen - Ex-Student 
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Those jokes are the best! My grand dad has told me some like that! I luv it. |
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Ash - Eats Babies 
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you know, i am so tempted to put something down but knowing my history i better not. im just going to calm down and resist the temptation. seriously, i dont want to go over the edge. _______________ "We keep odd hours...." ----------------------- They Live, We Sleep |
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Arcuss - Student 
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Fizz, that's just wrong.....
Q: Why didn't John Denver take a shower before his last flight? A: He figured he'd just wash up on shore. (works for JFK jr. also) Q: What's the best thing about a hand job from a midget? A: Smaller hands make your shlong look bigger. A priest pops out of a confessional grabs the janitor and says "You have to fill in for me my son, it's the busiest time of day and I really need to use the bathroom" The janitor replies, "But I don't know how to take confessions" "It's easy",says the priest,pointing to a piece of paper on the inside of the confessional, "Just read this and give them the amount of hail marys for the corresponding sin" As soon as the janitor hops in the confessional a woman steps in the other side. "Forgive me father for I have sinned, I have had anal sex with a man other than my husband" The janitor can't find this on the list anywhere so he pops his head outside the booth and sees an alter boy "Pardon me, but what does the Priest give for anal sex?" The alter boy looks around cautiously and says "The last I heard it was a soda and a candy bar" This comment was edited by Arcuss on Feb 11 2003 05:33pm. |
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Kalheka - Student 
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That's a candidate for sickest poster *walks off in search of pepto for upset stomache*  _______________ Death is only the beginning. |
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Fizz of Belouve - Student 
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-> two little girls in the kindergarten:
one: "my daddies dick is half a meter long !" two: "my daddies dick is only 10cm long but it still hurts" that is the WORST joke I've ever heard. I apologize in advance. Not for the faint of heart. -> Q: how to prepare a 5 year old for sexual intercourse ? A: poultry shears _______________ One of the Belouve boys, founder of the mighty FiZZsters Midbie council #20 - Fizz - #1933 - Jan '03 - Aug '04 "Renfield, you idiot!" |
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Sared - Retired 
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Ok, these are stooping pretty low for me but here we go:
Which is easier to unload? A truckload of bowling balls or a truckload of dead babies? The dead babies: you can use a pitchfork.
A mexican guy had two schlongs, he named the first one Jose(pronounced 'hosae'), what did he name the second one? Hose B Geezzz, that hurt, ripping those out of my @$$ and whatnot.... _______________ I'm crazy, not stupid. |
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