| DARKNESS FALLING CHAPTER V | |
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Roan Belouve - Retired  |
Ulic's Story Continues You can Find it here. Follow the link  Comments welcome A little note form Ulic "Chapter VI was the end of my initial run" _______________ *Bro to Vaxxla,Padawan of FiZZandOdan-Wei Part of the mighty Belouve Dynasty-Knight of Nippledom.Twin of Selphestal!**Proud Master to Kaelis and Acura Friend to anyone who would call me the same . Pic by the amazing Majno (merry) |
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Keep it coming guys ranking of the story so far (Chapters I - V) Please let Ulic Know again if your rankings of it go up or down and feedback is great! Thanks
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Ulic Belouve - Student 
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Gannon's the guy that has underground connections, and is very much a useful fellow in talking with the underground. Thus, I have plans for him to be a catalyst in things. And yes, his loyalties will be wavering. I actually seem to recall a portion I wrote where Gannon asks a lot more questions about the Angosian Order. He thrives on intelligence, and he will find things out that will work for and against our beloved heroes. And, as a prelude and a mystery.... ...Don't think that all of Jared's "training" is purely Imperial Royal Guard stuff. No. The rabbit hole goes much deeper. But if you manage to guess what, then you have a deep gift. You'll wonder, but it is something you won't guess. Fine, I'll say...It's NOT a "he's a Light/Dark Jedi that just knows how to hide his abilities." Well, I hope that's true. There might be a spin. Not to give anything away. _______________ Jedi do not fight for peace. That's only a slogan, and is as misleading as slogans always are. Jedi fight for civilization, because only civilization creates peace. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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Ok, read this chapter too and I still love 'em  One thing that confuses me: Quote: Jared was so astonished he would have burst, but being his normal self, he remained silent, for his training always stuck with him,... This makes me think of a Jedi, the "training". After re-reading, I know it's about the Imperial Training, but still it made me dazzle for a moment. Next, I also think you've made a bit of a mistake in this sentence: Quote: Of course the lower officers will have to share quarters, but none of you are that. "Are that". I personally feel this sentence is wrong, or anyway, it sounds wrong. Next, it could be a typo, or it could be just a new word, as many are in the Star Wars Universe. (All I need to do is change one letter, and I'll get a real word, so hence my confusion) Quote: Yep, the latest advancements were all there; the Phase Shielding, the metaphasic shielding, ... Methaphasic can be turned into Methaphysic... but then 'phasic' probably means "phaser" as in Star Trek, right? Next, I don't know how to write it in English, or well, better said that I'm not 100% sure of how to write it, and this made me doubt for a moment: Quote: “Where’s my turret? Damned it, I’m a gunner, not a bureaucrat!” Shouldn't Damned be 'damn' ? Well, that was quite a piece of work I think your story is still lovely, and you're still getting the 4.5 Lightsaber value from me!!  A thing I am a bit expecting is Gannon turning against them... In this chapter, you've put him out of the way, and in one of the first chapters he couldn't do anything good, since he immediately received comments about what he did. I wouldn't be surprised at all if he would join with the Imp. Forces just because he wants to make Jared suffer. However, if you bring in a story about his childhood, and of a trauma in Gannon's life about the Imperials, and then him joining the Imps, then I would be surprised... But then, maybe you aren't planning this for Gannon at all, so you can just discard this - - Bail - - _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. This comment was edited by Bail Hope of Belouve on Apr 29 2004 09:59pm. |
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Ulic Belouve - Student
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Yeah, to expand on my above note that Roan posted.... Chapter VI was the end of what I initially wrote. I've been working over the past weeks to continue my work, and am trying to get Chapter VII together. Chapter postings will become less frequent soon. What I would like is feedback. Things you want to know, things you want to see, items you are confused on (though some confusion is on purpose). Discuss! You have the benefit of being able to say something AS I AM WRITING IT! And if you sweet-talk me some, I might add in your character as a cameo. Ooh, that reminds me, I need to make that note in the writings, of people to be added in and how. Well, thanks, and keep readin' them! _______________ Jedi do not fight for peace. That's only a slogan, and is as misleading as slogans always are. Jedi fight for civilization, because only civilization creates peace. |
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