| An Apology | |
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Gradius - ex-Student  |
I don't expect alot of you to read this, and I don't expect you to accept this apology either. I just want to say it, and hope that at least 1 of you will hear it. Most of you remember way back about 7 months ago, before I was a Knight. I had alot more friends, I was alot friendlier, alot more trusting, and just more fun to be around. Then, I became a Knight. At first, things were ok, and hadn't changed much. I started reading more of the back forums, admining on the servers, helping people when they asked. Then somewhere along the line, I started to go rotten. I think it was somewhere between the macaroni buffet and the chocolate cake. I started to become more of an admin, rather than what I was supposed to be, just a student with the tools to keep the servers calm if they needed to be. I started having troubles with students, many who are now ex-students. I started to take things personally, and I started to let the "power" go to my head. I felt that because I was granted certain admin privilages, I was able to keep bad things from happening to me, and mainly just me. After a while, things started piling up. Every week we had new "troublemakers," one's that I had to deal with alot on my own. After about the 3rd or 4th month, I felt like a pro, like I knew how things were going to happen and how they needed to be handled. I started letting things go to my head more and more each time. My patience grew thin, and I had less tolerance for certain people. I started stereotyping people, putting them into categories, instead of treating each one individually. After a while, I started playing the big bad wolf. Alot of times I overstepped my bounds as a Knight. As less and less JAK+ were active, the more stress started to build up. I started taking over classes everyday. I had to put up with poor attitudes on the servers. It stopped being a fun hobby, and started being a stressful job. I stopped playing on the servers as much, and only went on to keep an eye on things. In IRC, I was always there to jump down peoples' throats over the smallest things. After a while, people stopped listening to me. I lost alot of respect from most of you. People starting finding my "weaknesses" and pushing me to the point of admin abuse. I stopped talking to those of you who were my friends for the longest time. I stopped being what I was chosen to be a Knight for. Even now, I am no longer a Knight, yet I've grown so acustom to being one, and one of the only one's who were around most of the time, that I'm still jumping on people. The only difference now is, I don't have any boundaries. I don't have to be a rolemodel anymore. So I've been going overboard a bit, bending/breaking rules that I put so much effort into enforcing for the last 6 months. I now know why some ex-JAK+ start being a pain in the butt after they step down or are demoted. They feel free, uncaged. They know the rules just as well as the people who wrote them, yet they feel they can get away with certain things now that they don't have to do this work anymore. I'm starting to feel it, I'm starting to feel free, and I'm starting to feel that I can get away with certain things. The difference between them and me is, I feel bad about it. I don't want to become one of those people that I hated so much while I was a Knight. I want to go back to being the person I was. I don't want you guys thinking I'm an ass anymore. I don't want you all to hate me. I don't want to be driven away because I was a fool. I want to make it up to you, but I don't know how. So, all I can do is offer you my apologies. I am sorry for the way I've been acting these past few months. I am sorry for those of you I have cracked down on when I could've handled it so much better. As I said, I don't expect you to accept this. I just want it to be heard. I realize who I've become, and I'm willing to change it. I'm not asking for help, as I didn't help alot of you when you asked me for it. I just want to say I'm sorry, and that I will change again. _______________ - Proud padawan of Kueller. - We really are at the beginning of it all. The trick, of course, is to make sure we never find the end. - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything - <gen-e-sis-happy> Liek, you can train, liek, a n00b, but he'll just be a trained n00b... --> Wise words! - "daer SOE me likes your a company i am having your some money for letting me do stuff cos mes the best amd i do it all meself" - Slider |
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| Comments |
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Coogee - Student 
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<3 _______________ Bro of many in a very deformed family tree || Formerly a Padawan of Motrec, Kenyon & Aphex AKA Quiet Guardian, QG and Coogie |
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Senor Hat - Student 
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awww someone needs a hug  /me amhugs Gradius you dont have to change, you still as awsome as you were when i first met ya, more awsome infact. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Gradius _______________ I have beaten The Internet. The end guy was hard. This comment was edited by Senor Hat on May 09 2005 02:28pm. |
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Janus - Retired 
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*stares at Grad, picks up Stein and bonks him with it* "Whattsa matta wit you!" *raises the one hand* I guess I'm one of those people that think you shouldn't even need to be apologizing, you did a great job as Knight and I should hope to see you back in the role soon. You nut, hunt me down on MSN or TS, we'll talk  _______________ Be honorable, be friendly, be trustworthy. Show respect to all whom you meet. Don't forget you learn when you win AND when you lose. Be the first to admit mistake AND the first to correct it. Be the shoulder for someone to lean on. Always remember those that sacrificed time to help you. Thank you Odan Wei, Vladarion, 3th, Moridin, n00b, Motrec, Faded, Leif, and Tido, you will not be forgotten as the ones to make you remember, it's all about fun... |
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tarpman - The Tarped Avenger 
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 Don't do it Gradius! He's going to try and take advantage of your emotional state!  <3 j00 Grad (and Kueller too) _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
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Kueller - Student 
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I can only say one thing, come to Holland Gradius, make it up to me  _______________ Personal sleepness-nights-supporter of Virtue. Owner of the 1000th comment of Daidalus and 1943th comment of Gradius! Owner of the 300th comment of Carda! -Taught Gradius all his laming skills
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Henkes - Student 
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Gradius you haven't changed on my account man. You're still one awesome person. Just sit back and relax and let the good times come _______________ Get on your feet and do the Funky Alfonzo! |
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SS/ph00d - Student 
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LONG LIVE GRADIUS!!! Ah man, I never really used admin, the people who shall remain nameless that always teled me to the pit so I'd die when I was beating them up with guns made me hate admin. Gradius just chill out, relax all cool outside of the pool, if a couple of guys are up to no good, warn the JAC in the neighborhood Just sit back and be cool... like me Haha anyways take care, good luck. _______________ -ShadowSith: CTF/gunner specialist. |
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cHoSeN oNe - Retired 
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Hey man, I still love ya. I hope we can play some BFV like we used to...Those were some good times! _______________ Get busy living, or get busy dying. |
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Monteeeeeee - Nugget 
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no one ever believes u when u say being JAK+ aint fun, sure it is to start with, u get all the attension. but soon it feels like a everyday job and u need more, and u get sick of the same things happening, so u snap. Maybe i handled things differently by being laid back, but i understand how it happens, u know i always liked u gradius, u used to say hello to me in the morning's all the time, usually the first, but even that changed, we had our arguments in IRC, ( Me calling u a Ass now n such . maybe i was right ) but i guess i have changed since i have retired too, i think what you have done here is great, altho i think maybe it was Sol that made u make this post and u bashed him before this post. shruggs i dunno - either way u made this post so rock on brother oh and say hello in the morning again LOSER _______________ If you add me to MSN, tell me who you are
Best Movie Character EVER!! |
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JP - Academy Pimp 
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I never liked you anyways....so yea you suck , but seriously, I think its awesome that you were able to step back and look urself in the eye, slap yourself, and realize what you were doing wrong. Its something I need to do myself in my RL, as for your knighthood, I was there before you made it and was there next to you during it, and i think u did a fine job. I was there when certain people got the brunt of your beatin, some definately deserved it, and maybe some didnt but hey live, learn, grow. and your doin that, so bigups 2 you my friend. ps...your mom told me 2 say hello >.> <.< _______________ Come on now, every Generation X boy wanted to be Luke Skywalker. Is it because he was a whiney farm boy from some backwater hack planet? No, it's because he was a FREAKING JEDI. He could block lasers with his lightsaber. He could levitate droids & rocks & crap with his mind. Come on, he choked two pig dudes with just a simple gesture. He cut off Darth Vader's hand and kicked him down a flight of stairs. He got his @$$ zapped by lightning from the geezer Emperor, stood up and said "s'at all you got b!tc#??" This comment was edited by JP on May 07 2005 09:23am. |
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Karlin - Student 
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I agree with Ale. _______________ Only I will finish what I have begun. |
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Ale'Velkyrii - Student 
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It certainly takes a man to admit to being less of a man, and that, man, is a very manly thing to do...man... You should teach a class on admitting flaws and avoiding the darkside, ya know? You've tasted it, you leaned into the dark side a bit, but it was too sour for ya. Apology certainly accepted, even though I wasn't here to witness any of this stuff. Keep your head on your shoulders, man. You're doing a good job so far.  _______________ Wanna know what my name means? Peralos Ale'Velkyrii: Perilous Drunken Angel, or PDA for short. Perilous, because I'm bound to get into fights I can't win. Drunken, because ALE! Angel, because a valkyrie is basically an angel of Odin. I'm here to send you to the afterlife, but I can't gurantee I'll be stable enough to win a fight.
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3th - Retired 
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gradimus prime...pay attention to the words of ozzcoz. you're a good man my man keep the chin up and come hang out with all the friends you have here! _______________ this is the internet, be serious damn it! |
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Refl3x - Student 
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Hey grad i know what its like having those kinds of problems, when you get bad kids who turn out bad you think its your fault. But actually, its mostly their choice whether to obey or disobey the rules and keep up their troubles. So, I feel bad for ya for having to deal with these kinds of things.  Anyway, I accept your apologies. _______________ "The only child ever to survive a roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris was Gary Coleman. He has not grown since." Whachoo talkin bout Willis? Go Sox baby. |
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Phantom - Student 
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Dont worry about it man, no need for apologizes. Iv herd its a all to stressful job, it breaks down on some people and they get to feel the way you do. But your right your diffrent because those people dont care of what they did, you on they other hand, you feel bad about it. Its a good sign, that feeling will consume you and youll relize that you dont need to do it. So just realx and enjoy the time we all have with each other man , _______________ -Phantom Ex-Master to Threat. Proud owner of Sazabi's 1500th comment! And Threats 50th comment "Insanity: a perfect rational adjustment to an insane world" |
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Rinzler - Student 
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roar, you'll always be my friend gradimus and no i never disliked you for these things but i guess i never noticed that sort of thing too much ;o _______________ I fite for teh usars!1 |
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thewind - Student |
I don't know you well or the experiences you are appologiezing for, but willingness to admit mistakes is a sign of wisdom. I wish you best of luck, and may your conscience take you far in life. |
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Rosie - Student 
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*HUGGLES GRADIUS* Here have a chocolate cake! |
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Tigerclaw - Student 
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Listen Grad, I never knew you before you became a Knight, so I don't know what you were like okay. All I can say is this. Since I've known you I've always thought you were a great guy, yes even when you were strict and chewin on someones ass. To me you were doing what you were supposed to do, and that my friend is fine by me. If I was getting out of line, breaking rules etc. I'd expect no less than a JAK to chew me out a bit. You have NOTHING to opologise for in my opinion, and you are STILL a great guy. There are others in the JA who should be ashamed of themselves for the ribbing and abuse they give you, not the other way around. _______________ Geriatric single User, with a touch of Staff now and again. Influenced by Dash Starlight, Jaina. Janus, and Gradius in staff. And in yellow stance. Jaina D'Kana, who really helped me when I first joined the Academy and Jaiko D'Kana, who's classes I took in the begining. Proud owner of _Muro_'s 400th ACK! comment. Avatar by the one and only Majno . Padawan to Dash Starlight |
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Matej - Student |
The first step to healing (mental) is the sight. To see what you've become. Even by admiting what you did, or became, it already made you a better person. A part of what you once were. I never knew you well... And I don't play a lot on the JA's servers, to know others well. But every now and then everyone should look deep inside them. Forget about the "Sins" of other people. Look into yours first. We Slovenian people say: "Najprej pred svojim pragom počisti." Which means: "Always clean your floor first." But always remember, we're all Human, no being on the world is perfect, especially not Humans. EVERYONE can make a mistake. I'm 100% SURE that everyone here has already made at least one mistake, that they regret. There is no mistakeless or sinless person. And if there is, feel free to tell us. Tell us that you actually never enjoyed life, never broke rules, or made anything to upset yourself, or someone else. Just some little thing I wanted to write down, but never found the moment to do so. |
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ozzcoz - Cosplay Nerd 
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I can only speak for myself, but I've never hated you Gradius, and i don't think I ever will. You're too good of a person. But I have seen some of what you are on about here, and it does sadden me at times. What I want, and I know it's selfish to ask but I will anyway, is for you to just start enjoying yourself again. Get on the servers, hang around with your friends, and just play the game instead of worrying about silly rules. Get back to that great guy you saw yourself as before by doing what you used to. I'll be waiting for you, big boy. _______________ A wizard did it. |
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PlooKoon - Student 
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Np man U kno me, I don't care what u do, u'll always be Gradius. But i see what you're on about just remember Ur paydius. _______________ Moo |
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Smilykrazy - Retired 
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Grad im really happy to see that you see this in yourself. Most people wouldn't see it, nevermind admit to it. I think you are by far one of the most fun people the JA has. You have a good heart and thats what matters the most. Now that we are all students again, we can go back to actually have some fun around here! _______________ RIP MOM 06/29/58-07/31/08 Married to Koyi Donita 4/30/11 |
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Mindrith Pride - Student 
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well its ok ya never did it to me... but even if ya did buddy i would always forgive u, i do belive the saying is 'live and forget' edit: 'live and forgive' (i think...but i have a bad memorie so ) _______________ [proud owner of talions 200th, 700th,1111th coment AND 1400th , DJK's 3001th coment! , saz's 400th coment! liso's 800th coment! Kitmitsu Aratan's 1200th comment! Cau's 100th comeent, Alexander's (aka CC) 210th, 888th and 2200th comments! Moriarti's 800th comment , Piccolo's 2000th comment! lirael's 505th comment , Quom Farlance's 120th comment, Alexander's 1800th comment , Eica's 1400th comment , Wicek's 3200th comment lady C's 999th comment, Echuu's 1100th comment, Takaru's 325th and 400th comment, Redeye's 200th comment picc's 3600th comment, Ostith's 50th comment, Elmo's 555th comment] This comment was edited by Mindrith Pride on May 06 2005 07:00pm. |
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Sauce - =^.^= 
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being sceptical of people is natural after having witnessed so many of em change for the worse. i can't say i blame you as i feel that way too sometimes. still, u should leave open the possibility that you might be wrong in ur judgment. not everyone is so bad. edit: forgot to say it...U R A OK IN BONTA-KUN'S BOOK!!! This comment was edited by Sauce on May 06 2005 04:44pm. |
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