| An Apology | |
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Gradius - ex-Student  |
I don't expect alot of you to read this, and I don't expect you to accept this apology either. I just want to say it, and hope that at least 1 of you will hear it. Most of you remember way back about 7 months ago, before I was a Knight. I had alot more friends, I was alot friendlier, alot more trusting, and just more fun to be around. Then, I became a Knight. At first, things were ok, and hadn't changed much. I started reading more of the back forums, admining on the servers, helping people when they asked. Then somewhere along the line, I started to go rotten. I think it was somewhere between the macaroni buffet and the chocolate cake. I started to become more of an admin, rather than what I was supposed to be, just a student with the tools to keep the servers calm if they needed to be. I started having troubles with students, many who are now ex-students. I started to take things personally, and I started to let the "power" go to my head. I felt that because I was granted certain admin privilages, I was able to keep bad things from happening to me, and mainly just me. After a while, things started piling up. Every week we had new "troublemakers," one's that I had to deal with alot on my own. After about the 3rd or 4th month, I felt like a pro, like I knew how things were going to happen and how they needed to be handled. I started letting things go to my head more and more each time. My patience grew thin, and I had less tolerance for certain people. I started stereotyping people, putting them into categories, instead of treating each one individually. After a while, I started playing the big bad wolf. Alot of times I overstepped my bounds as a Knight. As less and less JAK+ were active, the more stress started to build up. I started taking over classes everyday. I had to put up with poor attitudes on the servers. It stopped being a fun hobby, and started being a stressful job. I stopped playing on the servers as much, and only went on to keep an eye on things. In IRC, I was always there to jump down peoples' throats over the smallest things. After a while, people stopped listening to me. I lost alot of respect from most of you. People starting finding my "weaknesses" and pushing me to the point of admin abuse. I stopped talking to those of you who were my friends for the longest time. I stopped being what I was chosen to be a Knight for. Even now, I am no longer a Knight, yet I've grown so acustom to being one, and one of the only one's who were around most of the time, that I'm still jumping on people. The only difference now is, I don't have any boundaries. I don't have to be a rolemodel anymore. So I've been going overboard a bit, bending/breaking rules that I put so much effort into enforcing for the last 6 months. I now know why some ex-JAK+ start being a pain in the butt after they step down or are demoted. They feel free, uncaged. They know the rules just as well as the people who wrote them, yet they feel they can get away with certain things now that they don't have to do this work anymore. I'm starting to feel it, I'm starting to feel free, and I'm starting to feel that I can get away with certain things. The difference between them and me is, I feel bad about it. I don't want to become one of those people that I hated so much while I was a Knight. I want to go back to being the person I was. I don't want you guys thinking I'm an ass anymore. I don't want you all to hate me. I don't want to be driven away because I was a fool. I want to make it up to you, but I don't know how. So, all I can do is offer you my apologies. I am sorry for the way I've been acting these past few months. I am sorry for those of you I have cracked down on when I could've handled it so much better. As I said, I don't expect you to accept this. I just want it to be heard. I realize who I've become, and I'm willing to change it. I'm not asking for help, as I didn't help alot of you when you asked me for it. I just want to say I'm sorry, and that I will change again. _______________ - Proud padawan of Kueller. - We really are at the beginning of it all. The trick, of course, is to make sure we never find the end. - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything - <gen-e-sis-happy> Liek, you can train, liek, a n00b, but he'll just be a trained n00b... --> Wise words! - "daer SOE me likes your a company i am having your some money for letting me do stuff cos mes the best amd i do it all meself" - Slider |
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| Comments |
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Kenyon - Lord of the Dance 
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Quote: Like I said they still love you, so abuse their trust! Take what you can from them and they'll never even know it! Jake is my hero.  |
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Jake Kainite - Student 
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Who ever said there was anything wrong with being a Big Bad Wolf  Serously mate, its happens to the best of us. I'm sure we've all got a bit power hungry at times (hell yeah!) but its just human nature (either that or we're all immature....nah its human nature) But seriously, its obvious everyone likes you So you have a chice of 2 things:1. Take the lightside path and be friends with everyone, skip in wild grass fields and press daisys and generally stop being a power mongering badboi! 2. Like I said they still love you, so abuse their trust! Take what you can from them and they'll never even know it muahahahaha!! This post was sponsored by tampax _______________ Apprenctice of Jedi Master Ascari (deceased) Descended from a line of great Jedi Will argue any point of view from any side
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Scythus Aratan - Student 
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I knew Gradius from the days when he had a server and was a druggie. The latter still stands though. _______________ Padawan to the great Jacen Aratan! <Setementor> Scythus is a genius! Claimer of the 5000th post in the Count thread [Solitude] scy rocks [Casual] good point scythus, you're really smart |
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Kano - Student 
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i've know graduis from the day i played this game and he's my friend to the end and if he ever needs help i'll be there for u no matter what _______________ Is back and badder then ever |
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Carda Jowol - Student 
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Quote: Grad The way you describe how you act is not the grad I know. I have always enjoyed your company on the servers and TS. To all those who have experinced this side of you I hope they get a chance to read your apology. May The Force Be With You Roan I have to agree with Roan, I've known u since u became a knight lol, and even tho power can go to peoples head xP, I always thought u were a gd knight and kept admin to self, maybe now and again for fun.. which alot of JAK+ do do, in all that time u have always been the grad I know, the cool, we can take the p*** out of grad xP j/k we lub j000 grad!! _______________ [Gran Father/Founder of the Jowols] |
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Carve - Student 
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Apology accepted, Captain Needa. Now go bag a bangin' hot chick. _______________ © This comment was edited by Carve on May 15 2005 01:38am. |
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n00b - Student 
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Someone needs more n00b time! Buwahaha! Bring your ducky. _______________ Gone but hopefully not forgotten... |
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Hitokiri - Student 
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Heh... I never noticed a change in you Grad, except for how you played less and less. _______________ Ph34r m1 1337 5k1llz! |
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SaZ - Student 
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Quote:
Quote: [please dont annoy me :/ or ill have to end up like grad :/ ] ZING LUB JOO GRADUS!111 lol how i forgot that  i feel really sorry for person who gets lamed in every way you know _______________ playing jk3 since 30th of january (2005), member since 1st of february. [Unofficial Master to Vision and Z�diac ] If you can make a fool of yourself infront of 300 people you can do anything - Jaiko D'kana |
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NotSoLittleCaesar - Student 
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Quote:
Quote: [please dont annoy me :/ or ill have to end up like grad :/ ] ZING LUB JOO GRADUS!111 ditto <3 _______________ Quote: I mostly agree oh Lord of the squeezy mop
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 - Student |
Quote: [please dont annoy me :/ or ill have to end up like grad :/ ] ZING LUB JOO GRADUS!111 This comment was edited by  on May 11 2005 07:13pm. |
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NotSoLittleCaesar - Student
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Quote: Gradius your one awsome gamer for telling us your mistakes and wanting to make up for them. indeed, fully accepted, happy to see your still staying _______________ Quote: I mostly agree oh Lord of the squeezy mop
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Lancer007 - Student 
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Gradius your one awsome gamer for telling us your mistakes and wanting to make up for them. This comment was edited by Lancer007 on May 11 2005 06:09pm. |
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SaZ - Student 
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the things you written are not so bad almost unnoticable... still... you should act like a student more... _______________ playing jk3 since 30th of january (2005), member since 1st of february. [Unofficial Master to Vision and Z�diac ] If you can make a fool of yourself infront of 300 people you can do anything - Jaiko D'kana |
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Hardwired - Retired 
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Don't worry about it Grad. You still can't hold a candle to me....And that pretty much makes it a-ok.... - HW _______________ ::Nothing wrong with a little shooting.....as long as the right people get shot:: |
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Roan Belouve - Retired 
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Grad The way you describe how you act is not the grad I know. I have always enjoyed your company on the servers and TS. To all those who have experinced this side of you I hope they get a chance to read your apology. May The Force Be With You Roan _______________ *Bro to Vaxxla,Padawan of FiZZandOdan-Wei Part of the mighty Belouve Dynasty-Knight of Nippledom.Twin of Selphestal!**Proud Master to Kaelis and Acura Friend to anyone who would call me the same . Pic by the amazing Majno (merry)
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Odan-Wei Belouve - Student 
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Gradius, you suck! ^^ I understand what you went through, though I never witnessed you behaved unfairly so far. Don't take things from here too personal or too seriously, remember we're a bunch of friendly chaps Pff, I shouldn't have to tell you this but... I love ya man, you've been awesome since the beginning, er... well almost the beginning Keep you head up Peace, bro. _______________ Padawan and brother to SmilyKrazy - Adopted in the Belouve Family by Fizz and Bubu, BELOUVE ON! - Vladarion, you'll always be in my heart and memories - Spam-Padawan of Jacen Aratan - [DJ is my beloved wife! - JA Family: Brothers:
Virtue, Furi0us, Vladarion, Hardwired, Janus, Axion, D@RtHM@UL, Motrec, Mike , xAnAtOs , Luke Skywalker; Little bro to SilkMonkey ; Special kind of brother to Kenyon ; Sisters in-law: Rosered, Ain-Soph Aur] Photoshop works: click here |
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Coogee - Student 
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<3 _______________ Bro of many in a very deformed family tree || Formerly a Padawan of Motrec, Kenyon & Aphex AKA Quiet Guardian, QG and Coogie |
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Senor Hat - Student 
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awww someone needs a hug /me amhugs Gradius you dont have to change, you still as awsome as you were when i first met ya, more awsome infact. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Gradius _______________ I have beaten The Internet. The end guy was hard. This comment was edited by Senor Hat on May 09 2005 02:28pm. |
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Janus - Retired 
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*stares at Grad, picks up Stein and bonks him with it* "Whattsa matta wit you!" *raises the one hand* I guess I'm one of those people that think you shouldn't even need to be apologizing, you did a great job as Knight and I should hope to see you back in the role soon. You nut, hunt me down on MSN or TS, we'll talk _______________ Be honorable, be friendly, be trustworthy. Show respect to all whom you meet. Don't forget you learn when you win AND when you lose. Be the first to admit mistake AND the first to correct it. Be the shoulder for someone to lean on. Always remember those that sacrificed time to help you. Thank you Odan Wei, Vladarion, 3th, Moridin, n00b, Motrec, Faded, Leif, and Tido, you will not be forgotten as the ones to make you remember, it's all about fun... |
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tarpman - The Tarped Avenger 
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 Don't do it Gradius! He's going to try and take advantage of your emotional state! <3 j00 Grad (and Kueller too) _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
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Kueller - Student 
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I can only say one thing, come to Holland Gradius, make it up to me _______________ Personal sleepness-nights-supporter of Virtue. Owner of the 1000th comment of Daidalus and 1943th comment of Gradius! Owner of the 300th comment of Carda! -Taught Gradius all his laming skills
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Henkes - Student 
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Gradius you haven't changed on my account man. You're still one awesome person. Just sit back and relax and let the good times come _______________ Get on your feet and do the Funky Alfonzo! |
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SS/ph00d - Student 
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LONG LIVE GRADIUS!!! Ah man, I never really used admin, the people who shall remain nameless that always teled me to the pit so I'd die when I was beating them up with guns made me hate admin. Gradius just chill out, relax all cool outside of the pool, if a couple of guys are up to no good, warn the JAC in the neighborhood Just sit back and be cool... like me Haha anyways take care, good luck. _______________ -ShadowSith: CTF/gunner specialist. |
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cHoSeN oNe - Retired 
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Hey man, I still love ya. I hope we can play some BFV like we used to...Those were some good times! _______________ Get busy living, or get busy dying. |
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