| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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hahaha, lol @ those last two!!  _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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DJK - Student 
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LLMMMAAAOOO!!! at the last! nice ones chi!! keep em comming mate! |
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Shang Chi - Student 
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A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face, while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room." She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that." The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference." She said, "You tell him. He's the one shaving you." _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Shang Chi - Student 
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A married man was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday, she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea, why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it... she'll probably be thrilled." So the fellow did. The next day his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," said the fellow. "Did she like it?" His buddy asked. "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling 'I'll be back in an hour!!'" _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Shang Chi - Student
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At the Urinal, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands clear up to his elbows....he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean." The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious." The cowboy zipped up, and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from the University of Texas, and they taught us not to piss on our hands." _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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DJK - Student
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LMAO!! !! |
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Italian Ice - Student 
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Two men are driving through Rockhampton when they get pulled over by the boys in blue. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick. "What the hell was that for?" the driver asks. "You're in Queensland mate" the copper answers. "When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car." "I'm sorry, officer," the driver says, "I'm from Victoria". The copper runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean-- and gives the guy his license back. The copper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the copper smacks him on the head with the nightstick. "What'd you do that for?" the passenger asks. "Just making your wish come true," replies the copper. "Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asks. "Because I know," the copper says," that two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your mate and say, "I wish that a-hole would've tried that with me!" _______________ It's funny how many people know they have the right to remain silent, yet never do. |
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DJK - Student
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Quote: A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. OMFG!!!!!Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake. "What did you do?" asks the doctor. Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!" |
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CuZzA - Student 
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Quote: A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own.” The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Tennessee. We settle small disagreements like this with the "Three Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck." did you get that off South Park - Season 1 - Episode 12 - Mecha Streisand? _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Italian Ice - Student 
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OMG LMAO _______________ It's funny how many people know they have the right to remain silent, yet never do. |
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Shang Chi - Student
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A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake. "What did you do?" asks the doctor. Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!" _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Shang Chi - Student
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HeHe  _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Bubu - Hubbub 
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A radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali. DJ: "96FM here, what's your name?" Caller: "Hi. Me name's Dave." DJ: "Dave, what's your word?" Caller: "Goan... spelt G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an'." DJ: "... You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: what sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?" Caller: "Goan f**k yourself!" The DJ cut the caller short and took other calls, all unsuccessful, until: DJ: "96FM, what's your name?" Caller: "Hi. Me name's Jeff." DJ: "Jeff, what's your word?" Caller: "Smee... spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'." DJ: "... You are correct, Jeff, 'smee' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: what sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?" Caller: "Smee again! Goan f**k yourself!" _______________ make install -not war |
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Italian Ice - Student
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another explorer one. 3 expolres in the jungle, they are ambushed and captured. The tribe tells them to go into teh woods and fetch 10 of any kind of fruit. The first guy returns with 10 apples. The trib then tells him that if he can put all 10 up his Butt without him flinching, then they will let him live. they start the first one and he flinches so they kill him, and he floats up to heaven. The next guy shows up with 10 grapes. They start to put them in, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and then he giggles. So they kill him and he goes up to heaven. The first guy asks, "Why did you laugh? you almost had it!" He smiles and replies, " I saw Jim comeing with 10 pineapples." _______________ It's funny how many people know they have the right to remain silent, yet never do. |
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Italian Ice - Student
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Two explorers are traviling the jungle when they are ambushed and imprisoned by a native trib. there sitting in a cage when the cheif walks up, " You have TWO choices! Death, or UNGA-BUNGA." The first guy thinks, well, whatever unga-bunga is, it cant be worse than death. " I choise unga-bunga " They remove him from the cage, and while in view of the other guy, every man in the tribe takes turns bending him over and doing him up the butt. He then runs off into the woods all funny like. The next guy thinks, well i dont want that... " I choise death! " The cheif turns to the tribe " HE CHOISES DEATH, BY UNGA-BUNGA! " _______________ It's funny how many people know they have the right to remain silent, yet never do. |
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Italian Ice - Student
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Darn, now everyon knows my main sorce of income! _______________ It's funny how many people know they have the right to remain silent, yet never do. |
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CuZzA - Student
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Have you ever noticed how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Seth C. Belouve - Student 
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NNNNIICE one  _______________ Look unto me for I possess the blue flag!! It is more beautiful then I ever imagined! You will now worship me as if I were a god! *smack, dies* I regret nothing, I lived as few men dared dream!! Red Guy from Red Vs. Blue Series |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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LOLLOLOLOLOLL!!!! _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Shang Chi - Student
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Many years after Bill Clinton had been President of the United States a famous biographer was going to write Bill's life story. During the course of his interview he asked Bill, "What was your best and your worst decision during the Presidency". Bill rolled his eyes back in deep thought and then said, "Monica Lewinsky! I'd have to say Monica was my best and my worst decision". "How could that be, Bill?", asked the surprised biographer. Bill smiled and then shook his head, "I'd have to say she was the both my best and my worst decision for the same reason." "That's odd. What was the reason for that?", said the biographer. Bill squirmed in his chair and answered, "Monica had a big mouth." _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Total War! - Ex-Student 
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Keep it coming Silkmonkey! _______________ -Worthy opponents have challenged me...but none can surpass my skills -Akuma -Proud paddy and friend to leif member # 1.52 of the koyi donita fan club |
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Steinin - Student 
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Silkmonkey's on a killing spree. Good ones. _______________ 362 Ohi on! |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
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A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, upon a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. "So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back! off!! Or you'll answer to me!" St. Peter was impressed, but said: "We don't show any record of this - when did all this happen?" "Oh....Just a couple minutes ago." _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked,"What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
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Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes. What can I do for you?" "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!" "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Billy Bob and leave. The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Billy Bob! This here is Joe Bob, Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, buddy" _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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