| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
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Condom Slogans: 1) Cover your stump before you hump 2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker 3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie 4) When in doubt shroud you spout 5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner 6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong 7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it 8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey 9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter 10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this Parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot." "Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird." "Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers." "Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?" "Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion." The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that." "Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!" The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot issensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman." "What are you talking about?" asks the guy. "When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie and kissed him passionately." "WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?" "Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot. "Oh No!," he exclaims. "Then what?" "Then he lifted up the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down...." "WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?" "Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!" _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
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A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to her lover," into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet "Who are you?" he asked him. "I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator. "What are you doing in there?" the husband asked. "I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied. "And where are your clothes?" asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and said,... "Those little bastards." _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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LOL _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Shang Chi - Student 
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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, he walked over to her and immediately started putting his hands all over her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable idiot!" she screamed. "That's funny," he muttered, "You even sound exactly like her _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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LMAO _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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CuZzA - Student 
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This 1 is dedicated to Michael Owen moving from Liverpool Football Club to Real Madrid This was posted on a Liverpool fan forum in respect to Michael Owen’s imminent departure to Real. Whilst not a true transcript of the negotiations, it does strike a chord amongst the fans judging by their comments to the posting. I think it’s rather funny. Madrid "We want your good striker player. His name all-a over the papers over here. Michaelo Owen, no?" Liverpool"We want £20m" Madrid"No no no - we give you £10m and one of our midfield-a player. We a poor Spanish peasant club, you know" Liverpool"Okay - we'll have Morientes please" Madrid"Ah - the thing-a eez, we accidentally play him in the Champion-a League" Liverpool"Ah right...okay, we'll have Eto'o" Madrid"Ah yes...Eto'o...you can have him. I just tell him to get his bags..." Liverpool"..." Madrid"..." Liverpool"...Hello?" Madrid"Ah - hello. Who am I-a speaking to?" Liverpool"This is Liverpool Football Club. You were about to sell us that Eto'o?" Madrid"Oh sheet? That was you? I'm sorry, I've just sold him to Bartheloan-ah." Liverpool"Oh f**king hell. Who can we have then?" Madrid"Pick-a anyone you like" Liverpool"Anyone?" Madrid"Anyone" Liverpool"We'll have Zidane please" Madrid"except Zidane, Figo or Beckham" Liverpool"Er...how about Juanfran then?" Madrid"Oh, sorry, I meant-a to say Juanfran as well. You no have him. He lazy good for nothing boy. I'd be cruel to give him to you" Liverpool"But that's your entire midfield - what f**king good is that to us?" Madrid"No no no - we have beautiful midfield-a player Nunez." Liverpool"Who? Is he any good?" Madrid"He beautiful, beautiful player. He the man of the match in both reserve games he's played. The best young player I've seen since (mumbles) Bruno Cheyrou" Liverpool"Fantastic - we'll take him then. So that's £10m plus this Nunez?" Madrid"Excellent, excellent. I'll just count it out and send it over." Liverpool"Brilliant. Thanks a lot" Madrid"OH NO NO COME BACK COME BACK THIEF!" Liverpool"Christ, are you okay?" Madrid"Oh - I've been beaten and robbed. They've stolen a million pounds. Now I only have £9m. How will I buy the Michael Owen man now?" Liverpool"Hey that's alright, we'll take £9m." Madrid"Oh you too kind. We admire your Liverpool Football Club for so long. I'd buy all of your players if only I could" Liverpool"Cool - we've got this Croatian and a couple of Senegalese if you're interested" Madrid"Click........brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" Liverpool"Hello? Hello? Madrid? Helloooooo...?" _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world This comment was edited by CuZzA on Aug 16 2004 12:18pm. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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Shang Ci: LOL Cuzza, I knew the last one, but that first one was really good _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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CuZzA - Student
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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. Then pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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CuZzA - Student 
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Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes???" said the mortician. "Yup!, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town together, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'" _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Shang Chi - Student
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A Texas cowboy was riding the range one day and came on a rattlesnake in his path. He drew his six-shooter and started to dispatch the snake when the snake told him that if he would spare him, the snake would grant him three wishes. The cowboy said "Okay" but that he had never heard of a snake being a genie. The cowboy said, "First I want to look like Brad Pitt," the snake said "Granted" and sure enough... poof! He looked like Brad Pitt. The cowboy next said "I'd like to be filthy rich." The snake said "When you get home, you will find more money than you can ever spend." The cowboy then said "I'd like to be hung like this horse here." The snake said "Granted." The cowboy rushed home and sure enough there was more money than he could comprehend. He frantically took off his clothes and went to mirror. But he almost fainted as he said... "Good Lord, I forgot I was riding Old Bess today!" _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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LOL _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Stimpski - Student 
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A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?" The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue." The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo." "Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. "Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo." "Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach." _______________ Stimpski (formerly known as DeathScythe many, many moons ago.) JA Forum ID - 3988 <insert generic &/OR witty tagline here> |
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Koyi Donita - Student 
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These jokes are most awesome. I wish I had some good ones to share too. _______________ For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek. Rom. 1:16 So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. Rom. 10:17 I love my babyface. Smilykrazy is my baby and I love her. ...Swimming through the void we hear the Word, we lose ourselves but we find it all... System Of A Down.
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Jake Kainite - Student 
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Pardon my language on this one A middle aged woman goes to the doctors one day then comes home to her husband. "How'd you get on?" he says to her "Well" says the woman "The Doc says I've got the boobs and bum of a 19 year old!" "What did he say about your 40 year old c**t?" the husband wisecracks. The woman puts on a sour smile and says "No he didn't mention YOU at all!" _______________ Apprenctice of Jedi Master Ascari (deceased) Descended from a line of great Jedi Will argue any point of view from any side
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Shang Chi - Student 
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Q: What did the battery say to the potato chip? A: I'm Eveready if you're Frito Lay _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Shang Chi - Student
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If you want to cut down on the number of relatives who are hanging around, borrow money from the rich ones and lend money to the ones who are poor. You will never see any of them again." _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Shang Chi - Student
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Q: What did the blonde say when she went to check if her turn signal was working?" A: "Yes it is. No it isn't. Yes it is. No it isn't." _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Raider - Student 
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this joke is so lame: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Beacuse he didn't have the guts to it  _______________ Artificial intelligence beats natural stupidity. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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this one made me smile: A man sees the zookeeper, who looks very sad. He asks what's wrong and the zookeeper replies: "Our elephant died today" "Oh I'm sorry to hear that, you must have loved him very much?" "No, but I'm the one who has to bury him" _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Vasper Ba'xian - Student 
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HAHA awsome! _______________ Brother to: Tamal, Kavar, J.D.,Jermia, Devlin, Ulic, Xiabara, Seij,Tarron Mib,>>>ROCK ON  .My Spacescapes art page.My Everything Else art page. MY FAV. Jedi Are: Qui-Gon Jinn, Corran Horn, and Anakin Solo. Unofficial Master to Tamal. and Kavar. Founder of the Wuji Hundun Jian saber style. Proud owner of Tamal's 200th comment!//Proud owner of Refl3x's 300th comment!>>>Proud owner of Tyrant's 800th comment>>>Proud owner of Lucky's 170th comment>>>Proud owner of BDKawika's 444th comment>>>To except Existance is to except Reality.
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Axion - Student 
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w00t!! Awesome! _______________ Axion - Yeah. |
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DJK - Student 
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HAHAHHAA to both lol nice ones shang |
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Total War! - Ex-Student 
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Shang, you rule man! ROFL! _______________ -Worthy opponents have challenged me...but none can surpass my skills -Akuma -Proud paddy and friend to leif member # 1.52 of the koyi donita fan club |
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JamesF1 - Student 
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Heard the second one before, but ROFLMAO at the first one. _______________ Website |
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