| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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haha, I just love Desperado  lol that joke owns!! oh btw, I think the end is wrong it's supposed to be: "I bet them a 1000 dollars each, that I could piss on your bar, piss on your customers and piss on your face, and that you wouldn't be mad, but that you would be happy about it..." or something along those lines, I think  _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. This comment was edited by Bail Hope of Belouve on Apr 09 2004 12:39pm. |
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Gradius - Ex-Student 
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Ok, here's one from Desperado A guy is at the bar with his friends. He walks up to the bartender and says he has a bet for him. Bartender - "Yeah?" Guy - "Ill but you $200 that I can pee into that cup from the other end of the bar without spilling a drop." Bartender - "Ok, I'll take that bet." So the guy whips out his thang and starts letting it loose. He's peeing all over the bar, in other peoples' drinks, even all over the bartenders face. The bartender starts cracking up, ROFL with pee dripping down his face. The other guy starts laughing too. Bartender - "What the hell are you laughing for? You just lost $200!" Guy - "Yeah, I did. But you see those 3 guys over there by the pool table?" Bartender - "Yeah." Guy - "I just bet them $500 a piece that I could piss on your bar, your customers, even your face and you wouldn't be the slightest bit mad about it." _______________ - Proud padawan of Kueller. - We really are at the beginning of it all. The trick, of course, is to make sure we never find the end. - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything - <gen-e-sis-happy> Liek, you can train, liek, a n00b, but he'll just be a trained n00b... --> Wise words! - "daer SOE me likes your a company i am having your some money for letting me do stuff cos mes the best amd i do it all meself" - Slider |
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Gradius - Ex-Student 
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Haha Shang, that pwns! _______________ - Proud padawan of Kueller. - We really are at the beginning of it all. The trick, of course, is to make sure we never find the end. - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything - <gen-e-sis-happy> Liek, you can train, liek, a n00b, but he'll just be a trained n00b... --> Wise words! - "daer SOE me likes your a company i am having your some money for letting me do stuff cos mes the best amd i do it all meself" - Slider |
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_cmad_ - Ex-Student 
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hahaha pwnage Bail  rofl Shang _______________ Your friends of today, are your enemies of tomorrow. |
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Shang Chi - Student 
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A guy ran into a bar and ordered 10 shots of Tequila. So the bartender started to fill up the shot glasses, and the guy starts to down the shots left and right. The bartender barely finishes filling the tenth glass right before the guy slams that one down, too. He then hangs his head over the bar and braces himself for the shock of all the alcohol. The bartender asks, " Hey man, what's wrong with you? You ok??" And the guy says, "If you had what I had, you'd be drinking fast, too." " What do you have?", the bartender asks. "About 75 cents." _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Dan - Student |
damn this thread owns i get plenty of funny emails, however they are usuallt chained and havent been posted before at some point, so if i post anything, and its been posted, dont shout -Aiden |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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well, I've been living off this tread, so time to put something back in it I don't know if this has been said before tho. I warn you in advance this might be a little erm... offensive to people who like sheep ---------------------------------------------- So a Priest goes to Africa, and lives with a Tribe there, and he teaches them about the rules of the Bible, the forgiveness of God, and to fight AIDS, he also says why they can't have sex before marriage. And for some years all goes well. but after some time, a white baby is born in the village. The tribe-masters goes to the Priest and says: "Y'know, you've been teaching us not to have sex before marriage, but now we do have a white child among us..." To which the Priest answers: "But that is just the way of nature. Look at those sheep for example, all of them are white, yet that one isn't... it's black, this is just the natural order of things." To which the Tribesman replies: "Ok, I will shut up about the white kid, you shut up about the black sheep!" --------------------------------------------- hehe _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. This comment was edited by Bail Hope of Belouve on Apr 07 2004 06:04pm. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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haha, lol, that's so funny _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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_cmad_ - Ex-Student 
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hehehe _______________ Your friends of today, are your enemies of tomorrow. |
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Gradius - Ex-Student
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A drunk is sitting at the bar making a fool of himself. Bartender - "Alright Pal, I think you've had enough time to hit the road." Drunk - "Maybe you're right. See ya later." The guy walks out the front entrance and a few minutes later walks in the back entrance. Bartender - "Hey man I thought I told you to go home!" Drunk - "Alright, alright. I'm leaving." The drunk walks out the back way and another couple minutes later he walks back in the front. Bartender - "HEY! I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT!" The drunk leaves and another couple minutes later he walks back in the rear entrance. Bartender - "That's it you walk in here one more time I'm calling the cops!" Drunk - "Geez man do you work at every bar in town?" Hardy Har Har! _______________ - Proud padawan of Kueller. - We really are at the beginning of it all. The trick, of course, is to make sure we never find the end. - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything - <gen-e-sis-happy> Liek, you can train, liek, a n00b, but he'll just be a trained n00b... --> Wise words! - "daer SOE me likes your a company i am having your some money for letting me do stuff cos mes the best amd i do it all meself" - Slider |
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Gradius - Ex-Student
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A guy walks into a bar at about midnight wearing a sports coat and khakis (spelling?). Doorman - "Sorry Buddy, you can't come in here without a tie." Guy - "A tie? Where the heck am I going to find a tie at this time of night?" Doorman - "I don't know. Tell you what if you find something that looks like a tie I'll let you in." So the guy goes to his car and starts digging around for something resembling a tie. Finally he searches his trunk and finds a pair of jumper cables and ties them around his neck like a neck-tie. He walks back over to the doorman. Guy - "Will this do?" Doorman - "What?!? That's a pair of jumper cables are you crazy?" Guy - "Common man this is all I could find." The doorman thinks for a second Doorman - "Alright, you can go in, just don't start anything!" Get it??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! _______________ - Proud padawan of Kueller. - We really are at the beginning of it all. The trick, of course, is to make sure we never find the end. - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything - <gen-e-sis-happy> Liek, you can train, liek, a n00b, but he'll just be a trained n00b... --> Wise words! - "daer SOE me likes your a company i am having your some money for letting me do stuff cos mes the best amd i do it all meself" - Slider This comment was edited by Gradius on Apr 05 2004 10:00pm. |
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CuZzA - Student 
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LOL! _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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 I fixed 'em. Something spazzed out when I posted them. Sorry for the confusion! _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Squibit - Student 
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LOL i also didnt get those 2 _______________ Quote: fiZZe: its SIR Fizzy Fluffy :p Quote: FiZZ[JAK]: that was what I call a counter Ah, things you only ever expect to hear once
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SaberWeildinKow - Student 
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Doh...I didn't get either of them. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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LOL!!! ----- While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em." ----- Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?" "No," the second guy says. "Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says. "Oh," says the second guy. A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?" "See what?" the second guy asks. "Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there." "Oh." A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?" By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!" And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?" _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This comment was edited by Battlin' Billy on Apr 05 2004 09:09pm. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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haha lol _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Gradius - Ex-Student
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An old lady is sitting in her 10th floor apartment when all of a sudden she gets a phone call. Lady - "Hello?" *Unknown* - "Hello, this is the Viper! I am in the lobby and on my way up! Get ready." Startled and confused, the lady hangs up the phone and quickly locks all the doors. She recieves another phone call Lady - "Hello?" Viper - "Hello this is the Viper. I am on the 3rd floor." Now the lady is scared and hangs up the phone. It rings again. Lady - "Hello?!?!?!" Viper - "This is the Viper! I'm almost there!" Hestarical, the lady hangs up the phone and runs in the kitchen to grab a knife. She walks over to the phone to call security when all of a sudden there was a knock on the door. Lady - "Who's there?!?" Viper- "This is the Viper, please let me in." Lady - "NO! GO AWAY OR IM CALLING THE COPS!" All of a sudden the lady see's the locks on her door being undone. *Swoosh* - The door flies open. Viper - Hello, I am the Viper. I have come to vipe your vindows. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......ha. _______________ - Proud padawan of Kueller. - We really are at the beginning of it all. The trick, of course, is to make sure we never find the end. - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything - <gen-e-sis-happy> Liek, you can train, liek, a n00b, but he'll just be a trained n00b... --> Wise words! - "daer SOE me likes your a company i am having your some money for letting me do stuff cos mes the best amd i do it all meself" - Slider |
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Flamori Athena - Student 
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Lost in Transalation Electrolux, a Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer, used this ad in the U.S.: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux." When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly naked." Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea." Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate." Bacardi concocted a fruity drink with the name "Pavian" to suggest French chic...but "pavian" means "baboon" in German. A hair products company, Clairol, introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick. When Kentucky Fried Chicken entered the Chinese market, to their horror they discovered that their slogan "finger lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off" Parker Pens translated the slogan for its ink, "Avoid Embarrassment - Use Quink" into Spanish as "Evite Embarazos - Use Quink"...which also means, "Avoid Pregnancy - Use Quink." When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, "Pepsi Brings You Back to Life" pretty literally. The slogan in Chinese really meant, "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Grave." In Italy, a campaign for "Schweppes Tonic Water" translated the name into the much less thirst quenching "Schweppes Toilet Water." Chinese translation proved difficult for Coke, which took two tries to get it right. They first tried Ke-kou-ke-la because when pronounced it sounded roughly like Coca-Cola. It wasn't until after thousands of signs had been printed that they discovered that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax," depending on the dialect. Second time around things worked out much better. After researching 40,000 Chinese characters, Coke came up with "ko-kou-ko-le" which translates roughly to the much more appropriate "happiness in the mouth." The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. "No va" means "it doesn't go" in Spanish. Ford introduced the Pinto in Brazil. After watching sales go nowhere, the company learned that "Pinto" is Brazilian slang for "tiny male genitals." Ford pried the nameplates off all of the cars and substituted them with "Corcel" which means horse. When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA - with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside since most people can't read. _______________ «±» 21st on the Midbie Council, Profile ID: 2027 «±» True wisdom is the knowledge that you know nothing. This comment was edited by Flamori Athena on Apr 05 2004 03:37pm. |
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Gradius - Ex-Student
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Funny _______________ - Proud padawan of Kueller. - We really are at the beginning of it all. The trick, of course, is to make sure we never find the end. - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything - <gen-e-sis-happy> Liek, you can train, liek, a n00b, but he'll just be a trained n00b... --> Wise words! - "daer SOE me likes your a company i am having your some money for letting me do stuff cos mes the best amd i do it all meself" - Slider |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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haha lol _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Darth Bamse - Student 
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w00t great one! _______________ Why use only one saber, when you can use two, and double the mayhem? |
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Furi0us - Student 
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-HU IS ON FIRST- George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China. George: Great. Lay it on me. Condi: Hu is the new leader of China. George: That's what I want to know. Condi: That's what I'm telling you. George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China? Condi: Yes. George: I mean the fellow's name. Condi: Hu. George: The guy in China. Condi: Hu. George: The new leader of China. Condi: Hu. George: The Chinaman! Condi: Hu is leading China. George: Now whaddya' asking me for? Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China. George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China? Condi: That's the man's name. George: That's who's name? Condi: Yes. George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East. Condi: That's correct. George: Then who is in China? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir is in China? Condi: No, sir. George: Then who is? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir? Condi: No, sir. George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone. Condi: Kofi? George: No, thanks. Condi: You want Kofi? George: No. Condi: You don't want Kofi. George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N. Condi: Yes, sir. George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N. Condi: Kofi? George: Milk! Will you please make the call? Condi: And call who? George: Who is the guy at the U.N? Condi: Hu is the guy in China. George: Will you stay out of China?! Condi: Yes, sir. George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N. Condi: Kofi. George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the phone.) Condi: Rice, here. George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East? _______________ You are not your f***ing system specs. You are not your uptime stats, your script file, or your oversized desktop screencap. You are not your broadband connection. You are not your f***ing post count. This comment was edited by Furi0us on Apr 04 2004 10:24am. |
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Nero - Student 
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800th comment in here... wow impresive _______________ -Nero Quote: Curious, Smartass, what else? |
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_cmad_ - Ex-Student
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hey I'm 14 as well and I laugh too!!! wait /me thinks of all the YOUNGER ppl well yeah, we should watch out for them _______________ Your friends of today, are your enemies of tomorrow. |
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