| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?". The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000." "That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?" "Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly. The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?" "Sure" replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, alright!" Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320. Suddenly, the guy notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! Whhhoooooooooossssshhhhhh! Something whips by him! Going maybe three times as fast! The guy wonders "what on earth could be going faster than my Turbo BeepBeeP?" Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whooooooooooosh! Goes by again! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped! Couldn't be thinks the guy. How could a moped outrun a Turbo BeepBeep? Again, he sees a dot in his rearview mirror! WhoooooooshhhhhhhhKa-BbbbblaMMMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The guy jumps out and discovers it is the old man! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. The guy runs up to the dying old man and asks "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man replies "Yeah. Unhook my suspenders from the side-view mirror on your car!" _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Bubu - Hubbub 
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This might have been posted before, but it's hilarious, so here goes: A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date, nor any sex, in quite sometime. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her MD recommended a Dr. Chang. She went to see Dr. Chang and, upon entering the examination room, he said, "Ok, take off all your crose" "Now, get down and crawl reery fass to the other side of room." She does. Dr. Chang then said, "Ok now crawl reery fass to me." So she did. Dr. Chang slowly shook his head and said, "Your probrem vewy bad, you haf Zachary Disease, worse case I ever see, that why you not haf sex or dates." Confused, the woman said, "What is Zachary Disease?" Dr. Chang replied, "It when your face rook Zachary rike your ass." _______________ make install -not war |
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Axion - Student 
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i got one  its sickly funny tho.. i learned it today..Okay. A boy comes home from school. He says to his dad, "i had sex with my teacher today dad!" his dad goes, "thats great son! you gonna do it again tomorrow?" He says, "No, im gonna let my a** heal a few days." some of yous mite not think this is funny but wen i heard it, it was hilarious! ^.^ _______________ Axion - Yeah. |
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StarWarsGirl - Ex-Student 
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ROTFL _______________ Be strong & brave.Don't ever be afraid. Joshua 1:9 Fear is the path to the darkside. -Jedi Master Yoda |
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Killer_Chicken - Ex-Student 
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Two Rams fans were standing at a bar. The one fan said to the other, "You know, the Patriots might have won the Super Bowl, but their fans are such a**holes!" A man walked up to them and with a mad look on his face said, "I find that statement offensive!" One of the Rams fans replied, "Oh, you must be a Patriots fan." "No," the man said, "I'm an a**hole!" ------------------------------------------------- Relieving Stress in Class 1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 2. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook. 3. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY". (At Least for the Male profs.) 4. Address the professor as "your excellency". 5. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!" 6. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers. 7. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking. 8. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent. 9. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering. 10. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when the professor can't understand you. 11. Wink at the professor every few minutes. (Hey you might even get a date if he/she is cute.) 12. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the room. 13. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall. _______________ I'm so smart,smart S-M-R-T ---- Homer Simpson |
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Killer_Chicken - Ex-Student 
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There were two blondes at the park. One says, "Look at that dead seagull over there." And the other looks up and says, "Where?" ------------------------------------------------- There once was a man named Joe and he was talking to God and he asked, ''How much is a penny worth in heaven?'' God replied, ''One million dollars.'' Then Joe asked, ''How long is a minute in heaven?'' God said, ''One million years.'' So Joe asked for a penny and God said, ''Sure, just wait a minute.'' ------------------------------------------------- Signs Your Co-Worker Is a Hacker 1.Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill. 2.Has won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running. 3.When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex. 4.Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down. 5.Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work. 6.Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeeez!" 295 times during the movie "The Net." 7.Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments. 8.Their video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons. 9.Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr./Ms. President." 10.You hear them murmur, "Let's see you use that VISA card now, Professor "I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!" _______________ I'm so smart,smart S-M-R-T ---- Homer Simpson This comment was edited by Killer_Chicken on Mar 22 2004 10:35pm. |
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Killer_Chicken - Ex-Student
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24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator... 1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!" 2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. 3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" 4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. 5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. 9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" 10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, damn motion sickness!" 11. Meow occasionally. 12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends. 13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. 15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it. 16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?" 17. Say "Ding!" at each floor. 18. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons. 19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. 20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." 21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers. 24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on. _______________ I'm so smart,smart S-M-R-T ---- Homer Simpson |
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Killer_Chicken - Ex-Student
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Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on? A: Because it said, ''Sorry, try again.'' _______________ I'm so smart,smart S-M-R-T ---- Homer Simpson |
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Xavier - Student 
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LOLoLoLoLoL!!!! _______________ ~Xavier |
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StarWarsGirl - Ex-Student
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ROTFL _______________ Be strong & brave.Don't ever be afraid. Joshua 1:9 Fear is the path to the darkside. -Jedi Master Yoda |
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Dicemaster - Student 
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LOL _______________ Dicemaster |
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Killer_Chicken - Ex-Student
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A guy calls his home from work He finds a woman is on the phone and asks who it is The women says she is the maid "We don’t have a maid" says the man "I was hired today" says the maid and the man asks to speak to his wife. "She’s in bed with a man I thought was her husband "Do you want $50,000" asks the man "Sure" replies the maid "Take the gun in the drawer under my desk and shot my wife and the man" A minute later the maiden asks what to do with the bodies. The man says to dump them in the pool "There is no pool" says the maid "Is this 546-8960" asks the man _______________ I'm so smart,smart S-M-R-T ---- Homer Simpson |
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JamesF1 - Student 
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LMAO _______________ Website |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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haha lol _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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CuZzA - Student 
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LOL!!!!!!! _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Bubu - Hubbub
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Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, 'Honey, my hands are freezing!' She says, 'Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up.' After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, 'Man! my hands are really freezing!' She says again, 'Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up.' He does, and again that warms them up. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, 'Honey, my hands are really, really freezing!' She looks at him and says, 'For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?' _______________ make install -not war This comment was edited by Bubu on Mar 19 2004 07:19pm. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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haha, lol _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that ?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust. "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. "Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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_cmad_ - Ex-Student 
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haha  _______________ Your friends of today, are your enemies of tomorrow. |
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Cheta T. Must - Student 
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LOL... ______ there are 2 pilots flying a plane the first one says "finally . were flying faster then the speed of sound" the other pilot says " WHAT!" |
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Shang Chi - Student 
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Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? A: "Oh, Dam!" _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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_cmad_ - Ex-Student 
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rofl Jake lmao Billy _______________ Your friends of today, are your enemies of tomorrow. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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LOL!!! Nice ones!!! ----- A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Jake Kainite - Student 
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2 old people live in an old peoples home, a man and a woman. They're both very old but want to keep their sex lives burning so every night they sneak out in their wheelchairs and roll down a backalley. There, the old lady holds the old mans winky They do this every night for months and months, sneaking down the back alley so the old lady can hold the mans willy, until one night the old man doesn't show up. The next day the old woman finds the old man adn asks him: "Why didn't you come down to the aleylast night?" asks the old woman. "I'm sorry but i've found someone new!" says the old man "NEW! is she younger than me ?"cries the old woman "nope"says the old man "is she fitter than me?"asks the old woman "nope" says the old man "well what then?" pleads the old woman "she has parkinsons "beams the old manPlease tell me you get this joke, you kinda have to know what parkinsons disease is (makes you shake involuntarily, you get the picture.....) _______________ Apprenctice of Jedi Master Ascari (deceased) Descended from a line of great Jedi Will argue any point of view from any side
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Jake Kainite - Student 
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Dice I psoted it a few days ago, cept IMO, mine was better  Wasn't "not being retarded" my answer was "having 2 legs" which in my view makes for a much more satisfying comical experience...... _______________ Apprenctice of Jedi Master Ascari (deceased) Descended from a line of great Jedi Will argue any point of view from any side
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