| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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JamesF1 - Student 
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LOL at the last few Silkeh  _______________ Website |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
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A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Tony home?" "No, he went to the store." "Well, you mind if I wait?" "No, come in." They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one." Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together." Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves. A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You know, your weird friend Chris came over." Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?" _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
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The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right moron, get in." _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
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A South African gold miner was injured at work and had to have his right leg amputated. After the operation he was talking to a fellow miner and said "I suppose I'm f-d now, who would ever want a one legged gold digger?" His mate replied "Try Paul McCartney" _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
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The top 10 unintentionally worst company URLs Attn: Entrepreneurs Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough consideration: 1. A site called 'Who Represents ' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is www.whorepresents.com 2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com 3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net 4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com 5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company… www.powergenitalia.com 6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com 7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com 8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church Their website is www.cummingfirst.com 9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com 10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe ? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) This comment was edited by SilkMonkey on Aug 24 2006 07:33pm. |
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CuZzA - Student 
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Why couldn't the teepee and the wigwam get to sleep? Because they were two tents _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
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A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." (Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.) _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
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A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
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A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!" _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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Pink_Mintaka - Student 
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Quote: A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ... "HEBREWS" Lol  |
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Nightfire - Student 
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You can drink wiskey in 3 different ways. 1. with water 2. without water 3. Like water And how do you know that your drunk? -You see, you feel very intelligent but really can't express yourself And if you drink a lot of cognac, when you've got a cold, it will be gone before the morning... Then there's just the cold left. _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
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A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ... "HEBREWS" _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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Buzz - Student 
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing. _______________ When you are going through Hell, keep going. -Sir Winston Churchill. Those who seek power and control of others, no matter the level, no matter the intentions, should never be given it. |
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Evil Squirrel - Student 
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Buzz joke > all. I still giggle at the thought of it (noting that I read it about 12 hours ago) So a pirate docks his boat and applies for university. less then a week into university he drops out, a reporter asks him "So why did you drop out so early?" and the pirate thinks about it and replies "Cause I Arr Stupid!" _______________ "I'm leaning more towards the cookie side" - leif two time winner of the "SilkMonkey Award for Best Evil Squirrel Based Avatar Picture" award! Geology Rocks! |
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Nightfire - Student
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A Blond comes to the libary & asks. -(loudly)CAN I HAVE A BIG Mac & A COKE PLEASE!? -(quitetly)shhhhh, your in a libery... -(even more quietly)oh, sorry, can i have a big mac & a coke please _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
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Pink_Mintaka - Student
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Heheh, good one! |
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Buzz - Student
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Five Rules to having a happy life 1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other _______________ When you are going through Hell, keep going. -Sir Winston Churchill. Those who seek power and control of others, no matter the level, no matter the intentions, should never be given it. |
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Pink_Mintaka - Student
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Quote: The phone was ringing. A person picks up the phone & in the other end hear a voice. -You'll get 1 million dollars if you awnser "no" to the three following questions i will ask you... -Are you ready?. -Yes. Wah Wah Waaaaah. |
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Nightfire - Student
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The phone was ringing. A person picks up the phone & in the other end hear a voice. -You'll get 1 million dollars if you awnser "no" to the three following questions i will ask you... -Are you ready?. -Yes. _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
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CuZzA - Student
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A perfect men and a perfect woman met on a perfect day. After some perfect dates they had a perfect wedding. One night on X-mas they drove their perfect car on a dangerous road, but suddenly they saw a man on the side of the road, and because they are perfect, they stopped for him. They discovered that that man was Santa, and he was carrying a bag of gifts. Santa got in the car and they drove away. After a couple of minutes there was an accident and 2 of them died. Only the woman survived... Why did the woman survived, you ask?... because the perfect man an Santa does not existent. If you are a woman: Stop reading here. If you are a man: If the perfect man and Santa does not existent, that means that the woman was driving and that explains the accident. If you are a woman and you kept reading: You just proved that women wont listen! _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Pink_Mintaka - Student 
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Quote: It's not really a joke...more of an "amusing story" My dad's work mate, Colin, was speaking to my dad the other week and my dad asked him why on Earth he didn't have a burgler alarm. Colin said that it was because he had 2 Doberman dogs. "Fair enough" was my dad's reply. Anyway, a week later, something happened. That's right. Colin's house was robbed. My dad went up to him and asked (under sounds of laughter) "I thought you said you couldn't get robbed because of your 2 dogs. What happened?" "Well" Colin said, "The burglers robbed my house when I took the dogs for a walk" I feel sry for Colin.. But still an amusing story |
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CuZzA - Student
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It's not really a joke...more of an "amusing story" My dad's work mate, Colin, was speaking to my dad the other week and my dad asked him why on Earth he didn't have a burgler alarm. Colin said that it was because he had 2 Doberman dogs. "Fair enough" was my dad's reply. Anyway, a week later, something happened. That's right. Colin's house was robbed. My dad went up to him and asked (under sounds of laughter) "I thought you said you couldn't get robbed because of your 2 dogs. What happened?" "Well" Colin said, "The burglers robbed my house when I took the dogs for a walk" _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Evil Squirrel - Student 
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Quote:
Quote: Lets see. It was posted four posts down from this post anyways, heres my joke: Someday a man will be walking along Hoping that he will recieve his raise. Instead he will get hit by car. but before he does, The man yells... Post jokes which make sense. You're just spamming the thread. heh. read the first letter of each line. _______________ "I'm leaning more towards the cookie side" - leif two time winner of the "SilkMonkey Award for Best Evil Squirrel Based Avatar Picture" award! Geology Rocks! |
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CuZzA - Student
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Quote: A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, "I'm going to give you some suppositories. I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening." Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository. She agrees reluctantly, then puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks, "Aahhhhh!" "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks. "No... I just realized that the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders!" LMFAO! Best joke I've heard in a LONG time! _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Anubis - Student 
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A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, "I'm going to give you some suppositories. I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening." Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository. She agrees reluctantly, then puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks, "Aahhhhh!" "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks. "No... I just realized that the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders!" _______________ Andrew is my manwhore and I totally <3 him. || Proud owner of SilkMonkey's 3700 comment |
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