| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
|
Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
| Poll | ||
Are these jokes funny?
|
| < Recent Comments | Login and add your comment! | Previous Comments > |
| Comments |
|
CuZzA - Student 
|
There's a bloke! He's an actor! Actually, he's an out-of-work actor. He's not the best. Anyway, he goes to this audition, takes it and comes out. He's has Happy as Larry. He goes home to the wife and shouts "Honey! I've got a part in a new West-End production!" The wife says "Great! Is it a speaking part?" The man says "No. I play the husband."   _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
|
xAnAtOs - Student |
haha i liked that one nightfire _______________ Brother to Luke Skywalker and (SKX) Dark Blade 
Lag Brother to Acey Spadey 
Jools is my best friend.
<Henkes> nebody feeling like abusing me with a lightsaber?|+Smilykrazy grabs Gradius, beats the living CRAP out of him, then throws him into a huge vat of ACID |
|
Nightfire - Student 
|
A man with a 50 inch dick was bothered by the size of his crutch. So he went to see the local doctors & they couldn't help but instead he had heard of a witch that lived just outside of town that was supposed to have knowledge of means to find sollutions to certain problems. He found the witches hut & she was just outside smoking her pipe & he just went for it & asked. -Is there a way to get my penis shorter cus the doctors won't help. The witch thought for a moment & looked at him & thought some more and then said. -Well there's a swamp behind my hut. Somwhere around the center of the swamp there's a frog. Look this frog up & ask it to marry you, if the frog replies no then you sould get some dessired effects. So he went into the swamp found the frog & poped the question. The frog replied no. He looked at his penis & yup it was about 10 inches shorter... But 40 inch still was quite a lot so he asked again. The frog gave the same awnser. He looked again. 30 inces... maybe a bit too much so he asked one more time. Man:Will you marry me. Frog: For crying out loud no, No, NO, NOOOOOOO!!! Hope noone's posted this before _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
|
DarthMike - Student 
|
I think the "..." would indicate that he is going to post the "punchline" later  anyway...An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn't find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there. Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, "Hey you, what are you doing?" "I have to throw this away," replied the tourist. "You can't throw it away here. Look, follow me," the policeman offered. The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the cop, "dump all the garbage you want." The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers. "Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?" asked the tourist. "No. This is the American Embassy." _______________ "You can't get Windows on a Mac because the drivers are not compatible." --- Some dude from the Geek Squad "So if you have quad-core, you have four times the RAM, right?" --- Some guy at Best Buy This comment was edited by DarthMike on Jul 15 2006 08:38pm. |
|
CuZzA - Student
|
Quote: Lets see. It was posted four posts down from this post anyways, heres my joke: Someday a man will be walking along Hoping that he will recieve his raise. Instead he will get hit by car. but before he does, The man yells... Post jokes which make sense. You're just spamming the thread. _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
|
Duncan Frost - Student 
|
Quote: Someday a man will be walking along Hoping that he will recieve his raise. Instead he will get hit by car. but before he does, The man yells... Errr..... what? _______________ Owner of Jedi_Pimp's 800th comment, possibly by accident. |
|
Evil Squirrel - Student 
|
Lets see. It was posted four posts down from this post anyways, heres my joke: Someday a man will be walking along Hoping that he will recieve his raise. Instead he will get hit by car. but before he does, The man yells... _______________ "I'm leaning more towards the cookie side" - leif two time winner of the "SilkMonkey Award for Best Evil Squirrel Based Avatar Picture" award! Geology Rocks! |
|
CuZzA - Student 
|
Quote: Hmm, everyone seems to be retelling old ones Oh shut the .... up. Please. Thank you. If you can tell me where that joke was posted, I'll give you a freakin' medal. By the way, the joke would have to be posted less than a freakin' year ago. _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
|
Duncan Frost - Student 
|
Hmm, everyone seems to be retelling old ones _______________ Owner of Jedi_Pimp's 800th comment, possibly by accident. |
|
NotSoLittleCaesar - Student 
|
Quote: A father entered his daughter's bedroom and saw a letter on the bed. With the worst premonition, he read it with trembling hands. Dear Mum and Dad, it is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he is so nice. Especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle. But it's not only that, I'm pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends. They're the one's providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want. In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure, so Ahmed gets better. He deserves it. Don' t worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement. Apparently I can earn a scene. I get a bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra if they use the horse. Don't worry Mum. Now I'm 15 years old, I know how to take care of myself.Someday I'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren. Your loving daughter, Aimee p.s: Dad, it's not true. I'm watching TV at a neighbour's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than ENGLAND GETTING BEAT ON F*CKING PENALTIES AGAIN,. Haha good one xD _______________ Quote: I mostly agree oh Lord of the squeezy mop
|
|
CuZzA - Student
|
A father entered his daughter's bedroom and saw a letter on the bed. With the worst premonition, he read it with trembling hands. Dear Mum and Dad, it is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he is so nice. Especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle. But it's not only that, I'm pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends. They're the one's providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want. In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure, so Ahmed gets better. He deserves it. Don' t worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement. Apparently I can earn a scene. I get a bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra if they use the horse. Don't worry Mum. Now I'm 15 years old, I know how to take care of myself.Someday I'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren. Your loving daughter, Aimee p.s: Dad, it's not true. I'm watching TV at a neighbour's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than ENGLAND GETTING BEAT ON F*CKING PENALTIES AGAIN,. _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
|
Duncan Frost - Student
|
Quote: At the gates to heaven the gate keeper was having a nice break from work when his superiour Gabriel came to him & told him that he should only let those who've had a really really bad day in The gate keeper accepted this & thought that he won't be letting to many soules in today ... After his break he returned to his duties. All of a sudden a soul appered in a suit quite well dressed looked like a man that was going home to work the Gate keeper thought so he asked him about his day... The man replied. -Bad sir. When i got home i found my wife in bed & i just knew there was another man in the apartment so i searched it. I looked through every possible place he could have naturally been But no... So i went out on the Balcony & there he was hanging on the edge. So i stomped on his finger & he fell down into a tree. But he didn't die so I threw our old refrigirator at him and that sure did the trick. After that i laughed & got a heart attack... The gate keeper was smirking in his dark cloak & let the man pass ... 10 minutes later a man in his underwerar comes along. The gate keeper could already guess who he was but still asked about his day. -Terrible Terrible.I was out on my balcony doing my everyday Yoga when i accidentaly slipped. I fell down to the next floor & was there hanging on the edge when my crazy neighbour comes out stomping on my fingers so that i fall down into the tree belowe. But that wasn't enough He still had to throw a refrigirator on me before he was done... The gate keeper was almost laughing at this But he let the man pass quite a nice senario ey ... 20 minutes later a naked man comes along & the gatekeeper asks his question -Truly Horrible. Can you imagine what can happen when you hide in a refrigirator Meh, already been told on this thread. _______________ Owner of Jedi_Pimp's 800th comment, possibly by accident. |
|
DarthMike - Student 
|
lol, those were some nice clean, wholesome, family-friendly jokes _______________ "You can't get Windows on a Mac because the drivers are not compatible." --- Some dude from the Geek Squad "So if you have quad-core, you have four times the RAM, right?" --- Some guy at Best Buy |
|
Anubis - Student 
|
According to my mother, she and Dad decided to start a family soon after he became an officer in the Air Force. When months went by without success, they consulted the base physician, who chose to examine Mom right then and there. "Please disrobe," he told her. "With him in the room??" she yelled, pointing to my father. Turning to Dad, the doctor said, "Captain, I think I found the problem." _______________ Andrew is my manwhore and I totally <3 him. || Proud owner of SilkMonkey's 3700 comment |
|
Anubis - Student 
|
A guy was in a bad car accident and after months of recovery he still had a problem. He had to have his penis amputated. He went to see the doctor and was reassured that he could help. "First of all you have to pick a new penis," said the doctor. The physician picked up a box from his table and said, "This is our 6 inch standard model. It is dependable and will cost you only $6000. It comes with a lifetime guarantee." The man said, "Okay, that's about right, but what's in the other box?" "This is our 9 inch super model. 9 inches of muscle to please any women. But this will cost you $9,000." The man said, "Oh yeah, that's the one I want. My wife will love me forever. But does it also come with a lifetime guarantee?" "Yes" "What's in the third box?" The doctor picked up yet another box from his desk. "This is our super deluxe model. It's 12 inches of all beef and will drive all the ladies wild. But if you want this much power you'll have to pay $12,000." The man is really on a roll and is tickled pink. "Doc, that's it, that's the one for me. I'll be the envy of everyone I know. But does it have a lifetime guarantee?" "YES SIR!" The man had just one more question, "Does it come in white? _______________ Andrew is my manwhore and I totally <3 him. || Proud owner of SilkMonkey's 3700 comment |
|
Anubis - Student
|
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..." _______________ Andrew is my manwhore and I totally <3 him. || Proud owner of SilkMonkey's 3700 comment |
|
Aiddat - Student 
|
What's the best move to defeat a Hutt in wrestling/martial arts? Slugthrower. _______________ -Aiddat, the Gran with the green blades. "You have a right to be angry, but believe me when I say you don't want to feed that emotion." - Kyle Katarn {Owner of Liso Jowol's 550th comment, Conchris Chaotic's 80th, 150th and 350th comments, Pink Floyd's 200th comment Tyrant's 695th comment, D@RTHM@UL's 10600th comment}, accidentally tricked Pink Floyd into giving me his 1700th comment, I also have Alexander D'Kana's 1950th comment, Mindrith Pride's 1850th comment and I used the same accidental trick on Lewis's 100th comment, and I have Aiddat's 1992nd comment (birthyear), and #Elmo's 450th comment. Unsuccessfully tried to prove Senor Hat's theory wrong. Click for screenshots. Padawan of R2-D2. |
|
Evil Squirrel - Student 
|
Three guys are trying to get into heaven, A Computer nerd, A christian, and your average everyday man-in-a-suit. God tells them that in order for them to get into heaven, they have to stump the devil by asking him a question. The computer nerd asks the devil "How many games were made in the history of computers?", the devil simply claps his hands and a piece of paper apears with the answer, and the computer nerd goes to hell. The christian then asks "How many sins did I do in my entire life?" and once again the devil just claps his hand and reads the answer, and the christian goes to hell. Finnaly the last guy comes and says "I need a chair with seven holes in it" the devil claps his hands and the chair appears. The Man sits down on the chair and farts, stands up and asks "Which hole did my fart travel through?". The devil claps his hands and then says "Third hole on the right" and the man says "You wrong, you idiot! It came out my ***hole!" _______________ "I'm leaning more towards the cookie side" - leif two time winner of the "SilkMonkey Award for Best Evil Squirrel Based Avatar Picture" award! Geology Rocks! |
|
Raziel Anjelis - Student 
|
What did the mute man say to the deaf man? "............." _______________ Proud owner of El Vee For's 200th Comment, and Wicek's 2600th comment DaMi3N's 400th, Trad Redav's 666th.
|
|
Pink_Mintaka - Student 
|
That's just wrong |
|
NotSoLittleCaesar - Student 
|
Lmao, saw this in someones forum siggy "i got annoyed when my old relatives started poking me at weddings, saying 'your next your next'..they stopped doing it when i started doing it to them at funerals' _______________ Quote: I mostly agree oh Lord of the squeezy mop
|
|
CuZzA - Student
|
Quote: How do you know if a woman is going to say something smart? It starts with "A man once told me..." Sorry by the way girls, I was only joking  _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
|
Raziel Anjelis - Student
|
*takes cover** _______________ Proud owner of El Vee For's 200th Comment, and Wicek's 2600th comment DaMi3N's 400th, Trad Redav's 666th.
|
|
CuZzA - Student
|
How do you know if a woman is going to say something smart? It starts with "A man once told me..." _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
|
Nightfire - Student
|
At the gates to heaven the gate keeper was having a nice break from work when his superiour Gabriel came to him & told him that he should only let those who've had a really really bad day in The gate keeper accepted this & thought that he won't be letting to many soules in today ... After his break he returned to his duties. All of a sudden a soul appered in a suit quite well dressed looked like a man that was going home to work the Gate keeper thought so he asked him about his day... The man replied. -Bad sir. When i got home i found my wife in bed & i just knew there was another man in the apartment so i searched it. I looked through every possible place he could have naturally been But no... So i went out on the Balcony & there he was hanging on the edge. So i stomped on his finger & he fell down into a tree. But he didn't die so I threw our old refrigirator at him and that sure did the trick. After that i laughed & got a heart attack... The gate keeper was smirking in his dark cloak & let the man pass ... 10 minutes later a man in his underwerar comes along. The gate keeper could already guess who he was but still asked about his day. -Terrible Terrible.I was out on my balcony doing my everyday Yoga when i accidentaly slipped. I fell down to the next floor & was there hanging on the edge when my crazy neighbour comes out stomping on my fingers so that i fall down into the tree belowe. But that wasn't enough He still had to throw a refrigirator on me before he was done... The gate keeper was almost laughing at this But he let the man pass quite a nice senario ey ... 20 minutes later a naked man comes along & the gatekeeper asks his question -Truly Horrible. Can you imagine what can happen when you hide in a refrigirator _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
| < Recent Comments | Login and add your comment! | Previous Comments > |