| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
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I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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Lord Jaws - Student 
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Lol, good jokes, btw, that blonde joke about the car, That was in the newspaper a few years ago in holland, some blonde actally did that ^^ _______________ One night, I was lying in my bed, looking up at the stars and I said to myself: "Where the h*** is my ceiling?! |
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Bubu - Hubbub 
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hehehe nice ones Bail  _______________ make install -not war |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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On the outskirts of town, there was a big old pecan tree by the cemetery fence. One day two kids filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing them. One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said the boy. Several were dropped and rolled down toward the gate. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered, "it's Satan and the Lord dividing the souls at the cemetery." He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard. Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!" The man said, "Beat it, kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk?" When the boy insisted, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth, let's see if we can see the devil himself." Shaking with fear, they peered through the gate, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the gate tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the gate, and we'll be done." They say, the old guy made it back to town before the boy! _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. This comment was edited by Bail Hope of Belouve on Jun 10 2006 11:19pm. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked," Is your Daddy home?" "Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked," Is your Mommy there?" "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "no". Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman". Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked "May I speak with the policeman"? "No, he's busy", whispered the child." Busy doing what?, asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper" Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"? Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "They're looking for me" _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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There was a painter by the name of Jock, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin his paint to make it go further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Church decided to do a big restoration job that involved the painting of one of its biggest churches. Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job. He went about erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, thinning it down with the turpentine. Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away with the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened. The torrential rain washed the thinned paint off the church and knocked Jock off the scaffold and on to the lawn, among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint. Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?" And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke... Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more! _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?" _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. Next Thursday there will be try outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: " Break Forth Into Joy." Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge ! - Up Yours!" _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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CuZzA - Student 
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LMFAO at the last 4 jokes  _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Raziel Anjelis - Student 
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Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Dave said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed. The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?" Dave says, "I feel great, how about you?" Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?" Dave says, "No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often." " Yeah, well there's just one thing." "What's that?" "Have you farted yet?" "No." "Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Perth." _______________ Proud owner of El Vee For's 200th Comment, and Wicek's 2600th comment DaMi3N's 400th, Trad Redav's 666th.
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father “Daddy, what are they doing?” The father says, “Making a puppy.” So they walk on and go home. A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies, “Making a baby.” The little boy says, “Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead!” _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day. _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each. Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could. _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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#Elmo - Student 
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Quote: LOL I know that's part of the jokes Indeed ! the less funny joke than its funnier... wierd isnt it _______________ 0u+ 0f 5!6n4+ur35 =) |
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Nightfire - Student 
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Quote: Ok. Someone has to do it. I'll step up and be the a--hole. NightFire, your jokes suck.  LOL I know that's part of the jokes _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
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Bubu - Hubbub 
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Ok. Someone has to do it. I'll step up and be the a--hole. NightFire, your jokes suck. _______________ make install -not war |
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Nightfire - Student
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An odd one A reporter was wondering what he was about to write... So he came up with the idea to write about a small village that noone could possibly ever heard of. Well he toke his car & drowe out to a village & found a quite quiet place. He found one house there & a man sitting on a bench outside. He stoped the car & asked the man if he could ask some questions. Reporter: Have there been any interessting ocations lately? The Man: Nope not really. R:Really nothing???  M: Well a 3 weeks ago. My left side neighbours wife lost her way in the forrest. R: oh that myst have been terrible... M:Well we searced for her... We used dogs & choppers n' stuff & we found her & when we found her we had sexual intecours with here The man got an evil grin on his face. Quite shocked the reporter tried to get things going again R  h...so that's the best that has happened lately???M: Well... 2 weeks ago my right side neighbours wife lost herself in the forrest. R h... Well what happened?M: Well we searched for her... We found her & had our way with her The Evil Grin came back To get any sense out of this the reporter tried one last time. R: Well... Have there been any sad things then??? M: Looks seriously at the reporter... Well 1 week ago i lostmyself in the forrest..... _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA This comment was edited by Nightfire on Jun 05 2006 11:42am. |
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Nightfire - Student 
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2 friends were out having fun & drinking untill the first said. -Man I've gotta stop now I'm seeing dubble Then the other friend picked up 50$ & put em on the table & said -Here's the 100$ i borrowed from you last week. 3 guys were bragging about the sizes of their fathers. the First: My dad's so small that he sleeps in the deskdrawers. the Second: My dad's so small that he sleeps in a shoebox. the Third: Well that's nothing... My dad's the smallest cus he's not even visible. 1:st& 2:nd: How come?????? 3rd: He died when a fly steped on him _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA This comment was edited by Nightfire on Jun 02 2006 04:45pm. |
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CuZzA - Student
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Quote: There was an Alcoholic, a Gay (Really really liked men) & a pimp who had made it into heaven. But they we're told one rule. Never ever satisfy your greates desire... Well didn't take long before the Pimp was out he found some nice Angels & well got things going & there he went... But the Alkie & the Gay man managed to stay in heaven quite long. But one day when they we're out walking in heaven they found a bottle of wiskey then the gay man said to the alcoholic: -Don't bend over & grab it or we're both screwed lol _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Nightfire - Student
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There was an Alcoholic, a Gay (Really really liked men) & a pimp who had made it into heaven. But they we're told one rule. Never ever satisfy your greates desire... Well didn't take long before the Pimp was out he found some nice Angels & well got things going & there he went... But the Alkie & the Gay man managed to stay in heaven quite long. But one day when they we're out walking in heaven they found a bottle of wiskey then the gay man said to the alcoholic: -Don't bend over & grab it or we're both screwed _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
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Nightfire - Student
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2 canibals were sitting on a bench & a knight came by & one of em goes like - ooooooo noooooooooo can food There was this man. Living on a farm no trubles & all But anyway the man came up with the idea that he would become rich on oil. So he started to dig. Finaly he had a nice really Hugh hole on his lawn & he thought. Man what should i do with this now... He thought a bit & finaly he came up with the ide make an outdoor loo Well he was a good friend with the priest in the villige & one day when the priest was visiting he told the man that he needed to get to the John. So he ran out & the man waited that he'd return in a cupple of minutes but he never returned So he Went outside to see what had happened & he found the priest dead on the loo. Naturally he calls the priests wife & tells her what happened & she comes there & looks at her husband & then say: -I knew this would happen one day... -WHAT??? - He had a habit of squeezing & holding his breath untill he heard it hit the bottom. _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
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CuZzA - Student 
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Lmfao!!!! _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Phantom - Student 
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Ok heres one that isnt funny if you read it but you have to do it to your friends: A PIMP has 3 whores. He walks up to teh first one and says "Bitch wheres my money?" She replies "Here" He says "Bitch you owe me more" She says "No I dont" He slaps her and says "Bitch dont correct me" He goes up to the second one and says "Bitch wheres my money?" She replies "Here" He says "Bitch you owe me more" She says "No I dont" He slaps her and says "Bitch dont correct me" He goes up to the Third one and says "Bitch wheres my money?" She replies "Here" He says "Bitch you owe me more" She says "No I dont" He slaps her and says "Bitch dont correct me" Now keep repeating this until the person who your telling the joke to stops you and says "Wait theres only 4 whores". Then Slap the person and say "Bitch dont correct me!" _______________ -Phantom Ex-Master to Threat. Proud owner of Sazabi's 1500th comment! And Threats 50th comment "Insanity: a perfect rational adjustment to an insane world" |
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Nightfire - Student
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Det här är ström å jag kommer från ledningen Ok here's one for all that ain't swedish An elephant who just loved to tease the ants all the time was about to give em a hurl again. So he went to their ant-hill & stuck his nose in & BLEW... Well of corse the ants didn't like this so one day they planned a counter attack. So the elephant came...again, & put his nose int the hill...again, & Blew them away... AGAIN. But the ants had been expecting this attack so they focused on landing on the elephant & a lot of em did & started to irritate the elephant. But of course this hugh beast just shruged a bit & all the ants fell of except 1 who was sitting at the elephants throat. It was the ant named Runar. SO all his ant friends screemed to him. -CHOKE HIM RUNAR CHOKE HIM _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA This comment was edited by Nightfire on May 29 2006 05:12pm. |
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Shang Chi - Student 
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A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down. After this goes on for a while, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells, "You need more tail." The guy turns to his son and says, "Son, I never will understand women. I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite!" _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Nightfire - Student
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Ok a naughty one : An Italian guy claims to be a good lover while out having a cupple of drinks in the bar. Of course someone toke notice & invited him to prove it. So they went home to her place & got things going. Afterwards he asked - Finish? She was all like no no So the went to it again & afterwards he asked again -Finish??? She Still said NO NO So they heated things up once more. After this the girl looked really tierd & the italian asked -Finish? She awnsered : No I'm Swedish. _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
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