| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
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I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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JamesF1 - Student 
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LOL   _______________ Website |
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Nightfire - Student 
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France: 3 guys were about to try the new execution. The Giliotine. They were put infront of the mob & got to stand there to show them who they were. The men were given the choice face up/down. Well they asked the first & he wanted it head down... he got his wish in the giliotine & the released the rope & nothing happened. Well this must be a will of the god the executioners thought so the let him go. The Second Face down... rope released.. nothing happend.. so sma conclusion -> A Will of the gods. But the Third one wanted to have his Face up when the released the rope & just as they were about to release the rope he screemed: -Stop I've found the problem... You've forgoten to take the safety off _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
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Raziel Anjelis - Student 
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Two brothers were talking about their sister Alison's newborn baby. Tom: I'm going to visit her in hospital, I can;t wait to see the little champ! Jack: Careful though. The baby was born with no ears, and Alison is very tetchy about it. Tom: Nah, I won't mention it. Later Tom goes to see the baby, and sure enough, there are no ears! Tom: Awwww your baby has beautiful....skin, nails and hands! Is his eyesight good? Alison: Yeah! Perfect eyesight! Tom: Good, cause I don't know where he'd wear the glasses.  _______________ Proud owner of El Vee For's 200th Comment, and Wicek's 2600th comment DaMi3N's 400th, Trad Redav's 666th.
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Nightfire - Student
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2 boys we're bragging about their fathers. One had a rich dad & the other a poor. The son of the rich goy just went on and on about everything his father haduntill the poor son got tierd and said: -Well i know of one thing which mine dad has & your dad hasn't -What could he possibly have that my dad hasn't!!!??? -Hemoroids _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
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Phantom - Student 
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A preist notices that his bike is stolen. He is sure that someone in his congergation did it. So that sunday he preached on the commandment "Thou shall not steal". Then when he got to the commandment "Thou shall not commit adultery" he remembered where he left his bike. _______________ -Phantom Ex-Master to Threat. Proud owner of Sazabi's 1500th comment! And Threats 50th comment "Insanity: a perfect rational adjustment to an insane world" |
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Duncan Frost - Student 
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A priest and a nun are travelling through the desert. Halfway through their donkey dies. They are trapped. Days pass and no-oe comes to save them. So they know they are going to die. The nun says, "Father, in all my life i have never seen a naked man. I would like to before i die." The priest does so. He says "In all my life i have never seena naked woman. i would like to before i die." So the nun does so. Then she says, "Father! What is that little thing dangling between your legs?" he says "if i put it in you, it creates new life." So she says, "Well what are you waiting for? Stick it in the donkey and lets get going!" _______________ Owner of Jedi_Pimp's 800th comment, possibly by accident. |
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Nightfire - Student 
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Now while I'm on the 'lonely men on Islands' theme There was once this HUGH cruiser that by all of a sudden sunk. There were only 2 survivors, a man & a Donkey. Any way these 2 found them selves on an Island when the awoke frome the dissaster. Luckyly the man was a skilled outdoorsman so he could Live there on the island and await his rescue . So the days started passing. days became weeks. Weeks became months and still no sign of any help on the way. The man noticed he got a problem. He was sooo terrible horny and had nothing to take it out on. But then he remembered the donkey. So he tried to get his way with it but it just ran away every time he tried. One day when the man was trying to get the donkey he noticed a ship that came by, & imagine the ship sank. Well the man swam out and found 1 survivor. A woman... Not too bad looking either... probobly some Miss universe or something. Well anyway he rescued the girl and took here to the shoars of the island. After that he tried too get the donkey again. The Girl awoke and found the man sitting on a stone thinking and stearin at the donkey...She said:-thank you for rescuing me... Man: Yeah It was nothing Girl: If there's anything I can do for you ANYTHING AT ALL... I'll gladely do it The man went all then he said: -could you please hold this darn donkey so that it doesn't run away from me _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
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Aiddat - Student 
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What does a Force-sensitive plant do to get its Force power back? It just vegetates! _______________ -Aiddat, the Gran with the green blades. "You have a right to be angry, but believe me when I say you don't want to feed that emotion." - Kyle Katarn {Owner of Liso Jowol's 550th comment, Conchris Chaotic's 80th, 150th and 350th comments, Pink Floyd's 200th comment Tyrant's 695th comment, D@RTHM@UL's 10600th comment}, accidentally tricked Pink Floyd into giving me his 1700th comment, I also have Alexander D'Kana's 1950th comment, Mindrith Pride's 1850th comment and I used the same accidental trick on Lewis's 100th comment, and I have Aiddat's 1992nd comment (birthyear), and #Elmo's 450th comment. Unsuccessfully tried to prove Senor Hat's theory wrong. Click for screenshots. Padawan of R2-D2. |
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Maher - Jedi Knight 
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A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!" _______________ Still here | My Lightsaber This comment was edited by Maher on May 10 2006 10:10pm. |
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Nightfire - Student
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LOL okey wonders programs whatever Next: There was this guy stranded on a small island, and well he was a little short on supplies there so he was just getting more and more Insane everyday. Well the man lost count of the days he spent there on the island but anyway one day there was a bottle flowing around the island. Of course the man collected the bottle and began inspecting it. Now when the man opened the bottle a magic fairy came out of it. She presented herself and said that he was granted 3 wishes. So the man asks 'anything right'. She goes yes. Then he thinks for a moment and then came to a conclusion. ' I want a neverending bottle of beer.' Done!!!. He got his bottle and started drinking... he just kept on drinking.... Finaly the fairy got tierd and asked the man are you ever gonna make those 2 other wishes? The man thinks for a moment then he says 'I'll have 2 more bottles like this' _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
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CuZzA - Student 
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Quote: For all computer geeks out there Computers had arived to heaven and Jesus and Satan were getting quite fond of them. But as suspected one day Jesus and Satan begun to argue about who's the biggest computer genious.They argued for a very long time... finlay God had got tierd and said to them both. 'We'll have a contest to see whose better at using the computer. You'll have one day to make as meny computer miracles as you can. Starting NOW!!!' So Jesus & Satan began to make all kinds of miracles at their computers and time just flew. But when there was about 30 mins left there was a power breakdown. Both computers died and Satan started cursing and Jesus just sighed. The Power came back... Satan rebooted his system cursing even louder and Jesus Just sighed louder. When Satans computer had done it's boot (he pronounced curses that We'd never ever heard of).He noticed that all his miracles were gone... all though Jesus had all his miracles left. Well quite obvious Jesus won the competition. But Satan couldn't figure out why Jesuses miracles didn't dissapear in the power breakdown. So he went to God and asked him. 'God how does Jesus do that?' God replied 'Jesus Saves' I get the joke but not the use of the word "miracle" _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Nightfire - Student
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For all computer geeks out there Computers had arived to heaven and Jesus and Satan were getting quite fond of them. But as suspected one day Jesus and Satan begun to argue about who's the biggest computer genious.They argued for a very long time... finlay God had got tierd and said to them both. 'We'll have a contest to see whose better at using the computer. You'll have one day to make as meny computer miracles as you can. Starting NOW!!!' So Jesus & Satan began to make all kinds of miracles at their computers and time just flew. But when there was about 30 mins left there was a power breakdown. Both computers died and Satan started cursing and Jesus just sighed. The Power came back... Satan rebooted his system cursing even louder and Jesus Just sighed louder. When Satans computer had done it's boot (he pronounced curses that We'd never ever heard of).He noticed that all his miracles were gone... all though Jesus had all his miracles left. Well quite obvious Jesus won the competition. But Satan couldn't figure out why Jesuses miracles didn't dissapear in the power breakdown. So he went to God and asked him. 'God how does Jesus do that?' God replied 'Jesus Saves' _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
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Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the Coroner. "Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. "Thought he was having his picture taken." _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$150" Man - "Sold." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "$350" Man - "Highway robbery. Sold" A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The boy says, "$500"The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that ... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going To take you to church and make you confess your greed." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here."The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in MY closet now." _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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Raziel Anjelis - Student
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Quote: "Women claim that what they look for in a man in a sense of humor, but I don't believe it. Who do you want removing your bra...George Clooney or the Three Stooges?" --Bruce Smirnoff Got another version of that. ''Reading womens magazines, I noticed that the top ten answer of 'What do you look for in a man' is: Good sense of humour. B*****ks. We're not buying that one. Ok you go into a bar and standing at the bar is Kevin Costner. Not renowned for his sense of humor. He's having a drink and he's talking to Ken Dodd. Who do you go for eh? Robin Hood or Robbin' The Tax Man --Jasper Carrott _______________ Proud owner of El Vee For's 200th Comment, and Wicek's 2600th comment DaMi3N's 400th, Trad Redav's 666th.
This comment was edited by Raziel Anjelis on Apr 30 2006 01:27pm. |
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JamesF1 - Student 
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Quote: I was sitting at the bar, and the brunette sitting next to me rolled her eyes at me, so I picked them up and rolled them back. I decided to leave and go back to my apartment. When i got there, I decided to take the elevator upstairs. Gee it was heav y! I finally got into my room, and closed the door. I walked into the kitchen and heard a tap on the door. What a funny place to keep a tap. I glanced toward the window, and noticed a tall blonde walking past my window. I KNOW she was tall, because I live on the 3rd floor.. Literally rolling about laughing out loud. _______________ Website |
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CuZzA - Student
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Quote: question:How do you kill a blue elephant??? reply on't know.awnser:With a blueelephantrifle... q:How do you kill a red elephant??? r:with a red elephantrifle? a:No, you chocke it untill it is blue the use the blueelephantrifle. q:How do you kill a green elephant???? r:absolutely no idea... a:you tell a joke so that it laughs itself red then chocke it untill it becomes blue and use the blueelepantrifle. Lmfao... _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Nightfire - Student
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question:How do you kill a blue elephant??? reply on't know.awnser:With a blueelephantrifle... q:How do you kill a red elephant??? r:with a red elephantrifle? a:No, you chocke it untill it is blue the use the blueelephantrifle. q:How do you kill a green elephant???? r:absolutely no idea... a:you tell a joke so that it laughs itself red then chocke it untill it becomes blue and use the blueelepantrifle. _______________ -Need a light? My 362:nd post was a joke
LAIHELA |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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Why can't you play cards in the jungle? Because there's too many cheetas! _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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it's been posted before, but definitely worth the repost!! Three friars were banished from their monastery for strange behavior and various rule violations, so they decided to start a business together. They traveled around until they found a town that they liked, and opened up a plant shop. Their floral bus iness was soon thriving. One day, a woman was shopping at the friar's store, and while she was strolling down an aisle with her toddler, a large plant reached out, grabbed the child, and ate it. Needless to say, the women was quite upset at the loss of her child. However, the friars refused to believe that one of their plants could have done such a thing. The woman told all of her friends about the incident, and soon everyone in the town was in an uproar. They decided to kick the friars out of tow n. Every person in the town, except for a man named Hugh, gathered outside of the friars shop, shouting, waving sticks, and demanding that they leave. But the friars said "No. We're not leaving". So the townspeople gave up and went home. Well, a coup le weeks later, another woman was walking through the friars shop, looking at plants with her baby, when a plant grabbed her child and ate it. She ran through the streets screaming that a plant had swallowed her baby. The townspeople were outraged, and again gathered outside the floral shop (except for Hugh), waving torches, and demanding that the friars leave town at once. But the friars said, "No way." And all the people gave up and went home. A few days later, yet another woman dared to take her child into thefloral shop. She held her infant tightly in her arms, but it was nouse. A large dandelion wrestled the child from her arms, and ate it. When the townspeople heard of this, they were extremely upset. They again gathered outside the friar' s store (except for Hugh), yelling and threatening bodily harm to the friars if they didn't leave town. But the friars said, "We're staying". So, the citizens gave up and began to go home. Just then, Hugh showed up. He walked up to the friars, and s aid, "Get out of town, now!". The friars immediately packed up all their belongings and stupid plants and fled that very day, never to be heard from again. The moral of this story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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I was sitting at the bar, and the brunette sitting next to me rolled her eyes at me, so I picked them up and rolled them back. I decided to leave and go back to my apartment. When i got there, I decided to take the elevator upstairs. Gee it was heav y! I finally got into my room, and closed the door. I walked into the kitchen and heard a tap on the door. What a funny place to keep a tap. I glanced toward the window, and noticed a tall blonde walking past my window. I KNOW she was tall, because I live on the 3rd floor.. _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. This comment was edited by Bail Hope of Belouve on Apr 29 2006 07:41pm. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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What do you get when you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac? Somebody who lays awake wondering if there's a dog. _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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What's black white black white black white black white black white...a penguin rolling down the stairs. _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. This comment was edited by Bail Hope of Belouve on Apr 29 2006 07:35pm. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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Why did the leppers have to quit playing hockey? Because there was a face off in the corner. _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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What does a one legged ballerina wear. A one one _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. This comment was edited by Bail Hope of Belouve on Apr 29 2006 07:33pm. |
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