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Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!!
Nov 25 2024 03:32am

Battlin' Billy
 - Student
Battlin' Billy
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself.

_______________
Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment |
Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss
JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend
Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE!

This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm.

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Apr 29 2006 07:31pm

Bail Hope of Belouve
 - Student
 Bail Hope of Belouve

Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any children? Every time his wife is in heat he hits her over the head with his shovel.
_______________
Visit the Belouve Family Website!
Quote:
I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion

Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here.


Apr 29 2006 07:28pm

Bail Hope of Belouve
 - Student
 Bail Hope of Belouve

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his butt
_______________
Visit the Belouve Family Website!
Quote:
I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion

Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here.


Apr 29 2006 07:26pm

Bail Hope of Belouve
 - Student
 Bail Hope of Belouve

What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?



A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito
_______________
Visit the Belouve Family Website!
Quote:
I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion

Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here.


Apr 29 2006 07:25pm

Bail Hope of Belouve
 - Student
 Bail Hope of Belouve

# How is a divorce in West Virginia like a hurricane in Florida? Either way, you lose the trailer.
_______________
Visit the Belouve Family Website!
Quote:
I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion

Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here.


Apr 29 2006 07:24pm

Bail Hope of Belouve
 - Student
 Bail Hope of Belouve

What do you call a sheep with no legs?





A cloud
_______________
Visit the Belouve Family Website!
Quote:
I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion

Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here.


Apr 29 2006 07:21pm

Bail Hope of Belouve
 - Student
 Bail Hope of Belouve

What's brown and sticky? A stick
_______________
Visit the Belouve Family Website!
Quote:
I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion

Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here.


Apr 29 2006 07:18pm

Bail Hope of Belouve
 - Student
 Bail Hope of Belouve

A termite walks into a barroom and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
_______________
Visit the Belouve Family Website!
Quote:
I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion

Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here.


Apr 29 2006 10:50am

CuZzA
 - Student
 CuZzA

A man walks into an art museum...a nice fancy art museum. He's looking around at the paintings until he suddenly sees one that catches his eye. It's a blank canvas hanging on the wall. It's completely blank, empty etc.
Anyway, the artist appears from behind him and said:

"So, do you like my painting?"
"What is it? There's nothing there! It's a blank canvas!"
"Well sir, it's a cow grazing in a field"
"What? Well, where's the grass?"
"The cow ate it sir"
"Well...then...where's the cow!?"
"I told you, there's no grass. The cow isn't just gonna stand around if there's no grass is it?"

:P:D
_______________
- Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world

Apr 29 2006 06:14am

Evil Squirrel
 - Student
 Evil Squirrel

For my own amusement, I will now post as many bad jokes as possible :D

What did the muffin say to the cupcake?
Nothing, muffins can't talk!

A gold fish walks into a bar, what does he ask for?
Water!

A man walks into a bar. Ouch

Knock Knock
Whos There?
Orange
Orange who?
Knock Knock
whos there?
orange
Orange who?
knock knock
whos there?
orange
Orange who?
Knock Knock
whos there?
Banana
Banana who?
Arn't you glad I didn't say orange?

Thats tall I can think of... but oh, there will be more... much much more!
_______________
"I'm leaning more towards the cookie side" - leif
two time winner of the "SilkMonkey Award for Best Evil Squirrel Based Avatar Picture" award!
Geology Rocks!


Apr 28 2006 10:57pm

Rosie
 - Student
 Rosie

One day a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home. The kids were outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud and muck. There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around. As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table, and a small pile of sand by the back door.

The family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing, and a lamp had been knocked over. He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she may be ill, or that something had happened to her.

He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what I did today?"

"Yes," was his reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!".

Apr 28 2006 05:30pm

SilkMonkey
 - Distributor of Cold Ones
 SilkMonkey

"Women claim that what they look for in a man in a sense of humor, but I don't believe it. Who do you want removing your bra...George Clooney or the Three Stooges?"

--Bruce Smirnoff
_______________
|-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005)

Apr 28 2006 05:29pm

SilkMonkey
 - Distributor of Cold Ones
 SilkMonkey

"We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home."

--Gene Perret
_______________
|-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005)

Apr 28 2006 05:28pm

SilkMonkey
 - Distributor of Cold Ones
 SilkMonkey

A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years."
"Amazing," said the councelor. "How did you do it?"
"I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward."
_______________
|-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005)

Apr 28 2006 05:27pm

SilkMonkey
 - Distributor of Cold Ones
 SilkMonkey

Man goes to a hitman and asks him to kill his wife.
Hitman: Sure, but it will be $10K
Man: OK, but I want to know how you are going to kill her?
Hitman: I will use just one shot....just below her left tit
Man: That's no good....I want her dead, not kneecapped
_______________
|-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005)

Apr 28 2006 05:26pm

SilkMonkey
 - Distributor of Cold Ones
 SilkMonkey

A very elderly but bright-eyed gentleman, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of after shave, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady tricked out in a modest but very becoming cocktail dress.
The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
_______________
|-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005)

Apr 28 2006 05:24pm

SilkMonkey
 - Distributor of Cold Ones
 SilkMonkey

A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor.
"Is Fred home?" he asked the woman who answered the door.
"Sorry," the woman replied. "Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir," she said, "I'm afraid Fred has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?" "No," the woman answered solemnly,
"Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with this inscription:
"Gone, But Not for Cotton."
_______________
|-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005)

Apr 23 2006 03:13am

Aiddat
 - Student
 Aiddat

I don't quite get it, but nevermind.

Why did the farmer get an award?

He was out standing in his field.

What do get from a pimple at the bottom of your foot?

Pus in Boots.
_______________
-Aiddat, the Gran with the green blades.
"You have a right to be angry, but believe me when I say you don't want to feed that emotion." - Kyle Katarn
{Owner of Liso Jowol's 550th comment, Conchris Chaotic's 80th, 150th and 350th comments, Pink Floyd's 200th comment Tyrant's 695th comment, D@RTHM@UL's 10600th comment}, accidentally tricked Pink Floyd into giving me his 1700th comment, I also have Alexander D'Kana's 1950th comment, Mindrith Pride's 1850th comment and I used the same accidental trick on Lewis's 100th comment, and I have Aiddat's 1992nd comment (birthyear), and #Elmo's 450th comment. Unsuccessfully tried to prove Senor Hat's theory wrong.
Click for screenshots. Padawan of R2-D2.


Apr 23 2006 02:35am

Rosie
 - Student
 Rosie

Quote:
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."


PWNED!

Apr 20 2006 09:19am

Ranius
 - Student

what's a bear doing in a church, standing with raised paws, and staring in the air?

he's trying to reach the holy lamb.
_______________
as long as there is light, there is darkness.
if i won't win fighting i will win dying...


Apr 15 2006 09:29pm

Bail Hope of Belouve
 - Student
 Bail Hope of Belouve

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."
_______________
Visit the Belouve Family Website!
Quote:
I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion

Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here.


Apr 15 2006 07:56pm

The Dragon Reborn
 - Student
 The Dragon Reborn

:P wonderful!:P
_______________
Padawan to Solitude
"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to... suffering" -Jedi Master Yoda

"I shall not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will allow it to pass over me and through me, and when it has gone i will turn my inner eye to see its path. Where fear has gone there will be nothing. Only i will remain." -Bene Gesserit Litany, Dune


Apr 15 2006 11:09am

Jarhok Belouve
 - Student
 Jarhok Belouve

ahh Silk, best one I have read for awhile , lol :D
_______________
-JARHOK BELOUVE-
Unofficial Paddy to the great Squibit Belouve and Solitudes snog machine! |||||||||||||||||||||||PRONOUNCED JARHOK TEH S3X3H by Alexander D'kana|||||||||||||||||||||||||
Loves Liso'sia! Uber new Belouve boy! My special people: Squibit Belouve,Roan Belouve,Bail Hope Belouve and of course the lovely Liso'sia!


Apr 14 2006 11:02pm

Aiddat
 - Student
 Aiddat

LOL
_______________
-Aiddat, the Gran with the green blades.
"You have a right to be angry, but believe me when I say you don't want to feed that emotion." - Kyle Katarn
{Owner of Liso Jowol's 550th comment, Conchris Chaotic's 80th, 150th and 350th comments, Pink Floyd's 200th comment Tyrant's 695th comment, D@RTHM@UL's 10600th comment}, accidentally tricked Pink Floyd into giving me his 1700th comment, I also have Alexander D'Kana's 1950th comment, Mindrith Pride's 1850th comment and I used the same accidental trick on Lewis's 100th comment, and I have Aiddat's 1992nd comment (birthyear), and #Elmo's 450th comment. Unsuccessfully tried to prove Senor Hat's theory wrong.
Click for screenshots. Padawan of R2-D2.


Apr 14 2006 01:14pm

JamesF1
 - Student
 JamesF1

Quote:
Omg lmfao...that's great Silk


ROFL!!!!!!!!!!! :D
_______________
Website

Apr 14 2006 10:20am

CuZzA
 - Student
 CuZzA

Quote:
One dark night outside a small town near Poulsbo,Washington, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames.
The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate.
As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.
Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides.
It was a performance and effort never seen before.
Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.
The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!"


Omg lmfao...that's great Silk
_______________
- Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world

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