| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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Eica - Student 
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. _______________ Former padawan of RoseRed |
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Eica - Student 
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Quote: A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: That the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued...and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires." After the lawyer cashed the check, the Insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. I must point out this is actually a true story not a joke. Still good stuff Bail  _______________ Former padawan of RoseRed |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were. One man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, and the fourth was a government worker. To show off, the engineer called to his dog. "T-square, do your stuff." T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that that that was pretty smart. The accountant said that his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each. Everyone agreed that that was good. The chemist said that his dog could do better still. he called to his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten-ounce glass from the cupboard, and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that that was pretty impressive. Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, "What can your dog do?" The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, claimed he had injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for worker' compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave. They all agreed that that was brilliant! _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mommy Bear points her finger through the door from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mommy Bear who got up first. It was Mommy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mommy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mommy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mommy Bear who set the table. It was Mommy Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water and food dish. And now that you've decided to come downstairs and grace me with your presence ... listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time ... I haven't made the stupid porridge yet!!" _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. This comment was edited by Bail Hope of Belouve on Jan 08 2006 09:11pm. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: That the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued...and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires." After the lawyer cashed the check, the Insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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CuZzA - Student 
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Hokey KCokey _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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darkskye - Student 
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Made me laugh too. I know it as the Hokey-(C|K)okey never the Pokey .. that must be an west altantic thing. _______________ "Out the cat5, through the router, down the T1, over the leased line, off the bridge, past the firewall... nothing but 'Net." Chevron 1 is lit up Proud donator of the forum's 99000th comment 
This comment was edited by darkskye on Jan 06 2006 12:23am. |
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Alex Dkana - Staff 
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It seems to be known as Hokey Pokey, Hokey Kokey, and Hokey Cokey edit: lol made me laugh by the way _______________ To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield | Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken | Rhaiko D'kana - SWTOR EU Guild Co-Founder | Is it what the teacher, teaches? Or what the student learns? A Dkana This comment was edited by Alex Dkana on Jan 05 2006 09:42pm. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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Quote: isn't it Hokey-Pokey? exactly what I thought _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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DarthMike - Student 
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isn't it Hokey-Pokey? _______________ "You can't get Windows on a Mac because the drivers are not compatible." --- Some dude from the Geek Squad "So if you have quad-core, you have four times the RAM, right?" --- Some guy at Best Buy |
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CuZzA - Student 
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Quote: With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote the 'Hokey Kokey' died peacefully age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started. Heard that before...and I absolutely love it  _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Raziel Anjelis - Student 
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With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote the 'Hokey Kokey' died peacefully age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started. _______________ Proud owner of El Vee For's 200th Comment, and Wicek's 2600th comment DaMi3N's 400th, Trad Redav's 666th.
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JamesF1 - Student 
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Nice ones _______________ Website |
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Alex Dkana - Staff
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An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please." So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more. The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one." The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together. The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more. The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died." The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine - I just quit drinking." _______________ To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield | Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken | Rhaiko D'kana - SWTOR EU Guild Co-Founder | Is it what the teacher, teaches? Or what the student learns? A Dkana |
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Alex Dkana - Staff 
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How many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness. How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution. How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb? Six. One to change the bulb, and five to form a society to preserve the memory of the old light bulb _______________ To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield | Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken | Rhaiko D'kana - SWTOR EU Guild Co-Founder | Is it what the teacher, teaches? Or what the student learns? A Dkana |
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Kenwan Obiobi - Student |
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote: *flies ROFLCOPTER!!!!* *jumps in co-pilot seat* *Fits Guns to Co-Pilot part* *Shoots guns @ James* *'james' blocks heh* |
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CuZzA - Student
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote: *flies ROFLCOPTER!!!!* *jumps in co-pilot seat* *Fits Guns to Co-Pilot part* *Shoots guns @ James* _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
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Kenwan Obiobi - Student |
Quote:
Quote: *flies ROFLCOPTER!!!!* *jumps in co-pilot seat* *Fits Guns to Co-Pilot part* |
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JamesF1 - Student
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Quote: *flies ROFLCOPTER!!!!* *jumps in co-pilot seat* _______________ Website |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
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*flies ROFLCOPTER!!!!* _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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Raziel Anjelis - Student 
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A father and his son went hunting one day. The father said to his son ''Right son theres a deer, I'm going to go kill it, you must stay here and not say a word. Not a word, got it?'' The son replies ''Ok Dad.'' The father begins to stalk the deer and after about ten minutes he raises his rifle, and right when he is about to pull the trigger, he hears a blood-curdling scream. He races back to his son and says ''What happened? I told you to stay quiet!'' The son replies ''I was quiet when the cobra slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. I was silent when the scorpion sat on my foot. But when 2 squirrels crawled up my leg and said 'Shall we eat them here or take them with us?' Well, I guess i just panicked.'' _______________ Proud owner of El Vee For's 200th Comment, and Wicek's 2600th comment DaMi3N's 400th, Trad Redav's 666th.
This comment was edited by Raziel Anjelis on Jan 02 2006 03:21am. |
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JamesF1 - Student 
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ROFL at the second one. I've heard it before in a quite different way, but still funny _______________ Website |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
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An old man lying on his deathbed summond his doctor, lawyer and his priest. He handed each of them an envelope containing $30,000. "Gentlemen, they say you can't take it with you but I am going to try. When they lower my casket into the ground I want each of you to toss in the envelope I gave you. After the funeral the doctor confessed to the other two "We needed money to build a new clinic, so I kept $20,000 and only threw in $10,000." The Priest also confessed "We needed renovations at the the church so I kept $10,000 and only threw in $20,000." The lawyer shook his head in disgust. "Gentlemen I am ashamed of you...I threw in a check for the full amount" _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones
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8am Christmas morning three golfers were sitting at the first tee box. One golfer asked the other what it cost him for his wife to let him play golf on Christmas morning? He replied "A $25000.00 necklace, what about you?" "Well it cost me a brand new BMW sedan." The two golfers then looked at the third and asked the same question. He replied, "NOTHING! At 6am this morning I rolled over on top of my wife and said 'Golf or Sex?' She said 'take a coat honey, it'll be cold out there!'" _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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Kenwan Obiobi - Student |
Quote: You ruined my joke... it was gonna be: Cows who? No they don't! They m00! HA!!! YOU MISSED!!!! - Piccolo |
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