| Best Country in the World... 15 Reasons | |
|
Acey Spadey - Student  |
15 Reasons why Australia is the best country 1. Gambling Australia has more poker machines per capita than anywhere else in the world, helping dispel all that annoying peace and quiet in out pubs and clubs. In fact, Aussies can bet on pretty much anything - blowing ones's pay-cheque down the dog track is a time-honoured tradition, like drink-driving and spousal abuse. 2. Cheap Booze It's no secret that Aussies like the odd drink and luckily for us the booze here is pretty cheap, especially down the club where you can get five beers and a shandy for Nan for under 10 bucks. Even better are pub promotions like "dollar drinks" or " two for the price of one" offers - all of which make a delicious mockery of "responsible drinking" policies. 3. Laziness There's only nine deadly sins here, as sloth is celebrated. A beer gut is seen as a symbol of pride - despite the face that two-thirds of Aussie men are overweight, putting us just behind America and Britain as the most obese nation on the planet - and workers regularly bemoan the paucity of RDO's, forcing them to work for the money they earn. 4. Drunkeness equals respect Bob Hawke won the nations's respect when he won a pint drinking contest in uni, and sporting heroes that combine their prowess on the field with massive alcohol consumption usually reach iconic status. A man is judged by how much he can drink before he's so pissed he can no longer function - a noble measure of a man's worth. 5. Idiocy is rewarded Being the egalitarian bunch we are, we don't demand intelligence for success. You can buy a farm, tear down all the trees, ruin your soil with salt and erosion, build a damm upstream and watch as everything downstream dies - the government will give you money, and the general population will hold telethons and benefit concerts to compensate you for your idiocy, short- sightedness and general incompetence. Now that's mateship! 6. Deadly Animals Australia has an amazing array of native wildlife much of which can kill you. We have the world's deadliest snakes, along with crocs, spiders, sharks and even evil jellyfish. Luckily, most Aussies are too lazy to go anywhere near them, so it's only tourists who cop the brunt of their killing power. 7. We root for the underdog We have a rich history of championing those who may not necessarily deserve it - from Ned kelly to out own earless ex-crim Chopper Read. The moral? You can still rob, murder and maim people, just as long as you've got a cheeky sense of humour. 8. Nothing's Sacred In our fair country, everything is up for grabs: wilderness areas are mined and logged, native title areas are mined, you can go four-wheel driving across delicate sand dune environments and go shooting in endangered wetlands. Namby-pamby ethics are shunted aside in favour of tradiyional values like having fun and makeing money. 9. We blame the english You can blame everything on the English; in fact, we hate the English so much, we voted to keep them as our head of state, just so we can keep heaping shit in them instead of taking responsibility for ourselves. And they wonder why we're known as "the clever country"... 10. The dole Sure, it's getting hearder to live a life of leisure on the dole, unlike the halcyon days when a mate could pick up your cheque while you spent the days waiting for your set-wave down the coast. But it's still an enticing option - and with our understaffed welfare system, it's easy enough to cheat a few months away while submitting phony job serch reports and even earning some cash-in-hand on the side. With around 600,000- plus Australians on unemployment benefits, you can be sure you'll be in good company. 11. The climate No wonder we get so many British and European backpackers - they rightfully flee their own dismal weather systems, suitable only for whinging and warm beer, to serach out our southern paradise. And our glorious sunshine and beach-happy culture keep ths medical prefession tickling over too, with Australia boasting the highest rate of skin cancer in the world. 12. Indifference Aussies are often praised for the laid-back nature - a nice way of saying we don't really give a shit about anything, even if it's important. We may have great national pride, but the truth is that no-one even cares about something as simple as the national anthem - even sportsmen and politicians don't seem to know the words. No worries about civil unrest here - no one could ever be bothered to turn up. 13. All-year-round sport Australia is a sports mecca: we can go for hours without finding anything except sport on any of the TV channels, sensibly relegating current affairs and cultural programs to the middle of the night. The fact that we beat the Poms at most things is a tidy bonus, too. 14. Crap local music It must be a hard living in Seattle, or New York,or London, wehre there's an awesome new band or a wicked new album appearing every other day - imagine the amount of time and money spent on going to gigs, buying albums, discussing the thriving local music scene with friends...Not like here, where we sensibly churn out dozens of bands that, despite their rad hairdos and expensive T-shirts, either all sound the same or are totally crap, so that you only need to go to a gig or turn on the radio twice a eyar or so. Leaves us free to stay at home and watch that Wiggles video one more time! 15. Porn Access Sure, we're not quite in the same league as the Yanks or some parts of Europe, where porn is practically a national obsession, but suffice to say it's not too difficult to get your hands on some quality wrist fuel - newsagents and petrol stations stock a fine selection of educational mags and most of the till jokeys will give you the benefit of the doubt event if you're in school uniform and short pants. And if your luckyenough to live in Canberra, you can watch hardcore X-rated porn while letting off fireworkds and growing weed. Genius! _______________ .Lag Bro to Xanatos. Adopted Twin to Bubu. Big-Brother to SmilyKrazy ---- JATSRAD Guru, JASE Member, JA SP Mod Staff ---- The Order of the Stick -- Big thanks to Mango for my avatar -- Quote: Sometimes you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
Quote: (Random hella old quote) <Fizz of Belouve> .. in sovjet russia, cereals spit at YOU!
Quote: whats the point of growing up, if your not allowed to act childish!
Padawan - Henkes |
| < Recent Comments | Login and add your comment! |
| Comments |
|
Padawan On A Stick - Student 
|
why would you be living in a country where there are deadly animals, you can die in any minute??? u'll live in fear??? _______________ When you are told something for years, you learn to accept it. But, after the truth is revealed, you feel conufusion, isolation, and depression. Then you ask, where do I belong? I'm searching for that answer. This comment was edited by Padawan On A Stick on Apr 30 2003 01:18am. |
|
Plo Koon - Student 
|
_______________ Free Tibet! Click this link,and learn Here too |
|
Acey Spadey - Student 
|
yeah tell me about it. although now..it's strangely intresting.. _______________ .Lag Bro to Xanatos. Adopted Twin to Bubu. Big-Brother to SmilyKrazy ---- JATSRAD Guru, JASE Member, JA SP Mod Staff ---- The Order of the Stick -- Big thanks to Mango for my avatar -- Quote: Sometimes you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
Quote: (Random hella old quote) <Fizz of Belouve> .. in sovjet russia, cereals spit at YOU!
Quote: whats the point of growing up, if your not allowed to act childish!
Padawan - Henkes
|
|
Plo Koon - Student
|
LOL _______________ Free Tibet! Click this link,and learn Here too |
|
Buzz - Student 
|
So they turned the women into naked barbie dolls. Interesting _______________ When you are going through Hell, keep going. -Sir Winston Churchill. Those who seek power and control of others, no matter the level, no matter the intentions, should never be given it. |
|
Acey Spadey - Student 
|
Mummy..what's that round soft part.. mum: er..that's...that's....she's just wearing a skin coloured shirt.. _______________ .Lag Bro to Xanatos. Adopted Twin to Bubu. Big-Brother to SmilyKrazy ---- JATSRAD Guru, JASE Member, JA SP Mod Staff ---- The Order of the Stick -- Big thanks to Mango for my avatar -- Quote: Sometimes you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
Quote: (Random hella old quote) <Fizz of Belouve> .. in sovjet russia, cereals spit at YOU!
Quote: whats the point of growing up, if your not allowed to act childish!
Padawan - Henkes
|
|
Jacen Aratan - Student |
Lol, and they actually think people don't know or something when they remove that? This comment was edited by Jacen Aratan on Apr 27 2003 08:27am. |
|
Acey Spadey - Student
|
sniya: where did you dig that up..from 50 years ago or something Aratan.: no it isn't..we even got vice city and they allowed us to have BMX XXX cause they took out the nipples of the women out of it..so now they just have big round orbs.. _______________ .Lag Bro to Xanatos. Adopted Twin to Bubu. Big-Brother to SmilyKrazy ---- JATSRAD Guru, JASE Member, JA SP Mod Staff ---- The Order of the Stick -- Big thanks to Mango for my avatar -- Quote: Sometimes you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
Quote: (Random hella old quote) <Fizz of Belouve> .. in sovjet russia, cereals spit at YOU!
Quote: whats the point of growing up, if your not allowed to act childish!
Padawan - Henkes
|
|
Marq - Ex-Student 
|
Being a Yobbo myself i believe that acey is right australia is the best place to live but there is the down that we are run by a pack of ass wankers. ie Johnny Howard bloody cock spank _______________ For every pause i was nearly garenteed time to speak. It's always the selfish who say that life is way too short. I'm not looking to get old, but I bet it'll happen anyway. |
|
Sniya - Student 
|
other dumb australian laws # A life sentence is 25 years. # Children may not purchase cigarettes, but they may smoke them. # You may never leave your car keys in an unattended vehicle. # It is illegal to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes and black shoe polish on your face as these items are the tools of a cat burgular. # It is illegal to walk on the right hand side of a footpath. # Under Australian Communications Authority (ACA) regulations, a modem can't pick up on the first ring. If it does the, ACA permit for your modem is invalid and there's a $12,000 fine. -Telecommunications Act 1991. # Taxi cabs are required to carry a bale of hay in the trunk. # Bars are required to stable, water and feed the horses of their patrons. _______________ The real question is not whether machines think but whether men do. Bertrand Russell http://www.thejediacademy.net/forums_detail_page.php?f_id=970 |
|
Jacen Aratan - Student |
GTA3 is illegal down under............. |
|
Acey Spadey - Student
|
don't think they are. we have painball courses where you go go shoot people with painballs for fun.. _______________ .Lag Bro to Xanatos. Adopted Twin to Bubu. Big-Brother to SmilyKrazy ---- JATSRAD Guru, JASE Member, JA SP Mod Staff ---- The Order of the Stick -- Big thanks to Mango for my avatar -- Quote: Sometimes you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
Quote: (Random hella old quote) <Fizz of Belouve> .. in sovjet russia, cereals spit at YOU!
Quote: whats the point of growing up, if your not allowed to act childish!
Padawan - Henkes
|
|
MINDofSIN - Student 
|
Aren't semi-auto paintball guns illegal in Australia? *shudders* _______________ Jedi Academy Holocron http://jaholocron.ryanmh.com/ Why should our government send our soldiers to foreign soil to protect freedom of speech, when our freedom of speech is being taking away everyday by the same government. |
|
SirBizNatch - Student 
|
this just entices me more to move to another country with easier access to porn.  _______________ Personal body guard to teh 1337 Jacen Aratan! Midbie Council Memeber||Member of the Almighty FiZZsters |
|
Plo Koon - Student 
|
steve irwin is pretty cool,he goes out and researches those animals! _______________ Free Tibet! Click this link,and learn Here too |
|
Loaf - Ex-Student 
|
hey, his name is Acey_Spadey  _______________ The Notorious Conversation Killer |
|
Silent Whisper - Retired 
|
I think this belongs in the Crazy section. DJ? _______________ "I have learned from Vergere only that there is no such thing as sides of the Force....for the side is merely a reflection of your intentions of the Force. Use it in hate, and it will be hate. Use it offensively in good, and you will find my Truth." -Jacen Solo, "Traitor", New Jedi Order |
|
Sniya - Student
|
Come on you cant even take on Ireland _______________ The real question is not whether machines think but whether men do. Bertrand Russell http://www.thejediacademy.net/forums_detail_page.php?f_id=970 |
|
Acey Spadey - Student
|
lol..i'm not even gonna ask how you got 15 in your backyard. _______________ .Lag Bro to Xanatos. Adopted Twin to Bubu. Big-Brother to SmilyKrazy ---- JATSRAD Guru, JASE Member, JA SP Mod Staff ---- The Order of the Stick -- Big thanks to Mango for my avatar -- Quote: Sometimes you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
Quote: (Random hella old quote) <Fizz of Belouve> .. in sovjet russia, cereals spit at YOU!
Quote: whats the point of growing up, if your not allowed to act childish!
Padawan - Henkes
|
|
Loaf - Ex-Student
|
besides, i can do all of 15 in my back yard  _______________ The Notorious Conversation Killer |
|
Jacen Aratan - Student |
Lol, not a bad country you've got there. |
|
Bodster - Ex-Student |
I consider point 11 - The climate to be one of the great things of Britain. It is just so random that you can't help loving it. |
|
Jedi Al Khalaas - Student 
|
There is no way England can compare with 11 ....bah..2 weeks of sunshine and you forget the misery of December, January and Feburary!!! |
|
underhill - Student 
|
Bwah ha ha! The Wiggles! _______________ "Negative. I am a meat popsicle." |
|
Loaf - Ex-Student 
|
England is exactly like those 15 points, except number 9, thats what Canada's for Besides, England ownz Austrailia's Arse! _______________ The Notorious Conversation Killer This comment was edited by Loaf on Apr 22 2003 10:51am. |
| < Recent Comments | Login and add your comment! |