| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
|
Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
| Poll | ||
Are these jokes funny?
|
| < Recent Comments | Login and add your comment! | Previous Comments > |
| Comments |
|
Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
|
A jumbo jet is just making its final approach to Kansas City International Airport. The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Kansas City. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay here in Kansas City." He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, we have a layover... whatcha gonna do in KC?" Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap.... then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge chest out for dinner. Then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and make love to her big time all night." Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess. Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She's so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag, and down she goes. The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta take a crap first." _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
|
Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
|
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar slowly getting drunk. A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey,why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?” The farmer says, “Some things you just can’texplain.” “So what happened that is so horrible?” the man asked. The farmer then decides to try an answer, “Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over.” “That’s not so bad,what’s the big deal?” The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So what happened?” the man asked again. The farmer relenting, continued, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over.” “Again?” The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So, what did you do then?” the man asked, intrigued. “I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.” “Wow, you must have been pretty upset!” but that’s no reason to just sit here getting all depressed.” The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So then what else did you do?” the man asked again. “ Well I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. That’s when my pants fell down and my wife walked in…” _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
|
Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
|
perhaps a bit offensive, but very good none the less: A guy stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my sneakers please?" The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's teenage daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says, "Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me here to have sex with you!" They stare at him and say, "That can't be!" He replies, "OK, let's check!" He shouts at his friend down the stairs, "Both of them?" "Yes, both of them!" _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. This comment was edited by Bail Hope of Belouve on Nov 04 2004 02:30pm. |
|
Shang Chi - Student 
|
Three men are at the gates of Heaven and St.Peter says to them "Well boys, Heaven is kind of full so you are going to need a good excuse to get in." The first man says... "Well, St. Peter I suspected that my wife was having an affair ... so I came home early from work one day and went into our apartment, # 31. I looked around and saw nothing wrong. Then I walked to the edge of the balcony and saw a man hanging there by his finger tips. I was so furious that I began hitting his fingers but he would not fall so I ran and got a hammer and hit his fingers and he finally fell. But don't u know it the bastard landed in the bushes and was still alive. I was so infuriated that I went into the kitchen and got the refrigerator and pushed it down and it landed on him and finally did him in ... and from all that stress I had a heart attack and that is how I got here." St. Peter says "Okay, u can go in, that must have been terrible." Then he called the next man and said, "Okay sir, tell me your story..." and this is what he said..... "Well, I live on floor 32 in my apartment house, and I was exercising on my balcony one day. I was running really fast and I got ahead of myself ... and flew over my railing!!! I was so scared but lucky I got a grip on the floor below me. Thank Heavens there was a man inside so I started yelling for help and the guy, I mean he must have been crazy, he started to hit my hands!!! I was yelling and screaming and trying to get him to stop and finally he did. He went back into his house and then he came back... WITH A HAMMER! He began to hammer my hands! Then, I FELL! and LUCKY I landed in some bushes. So I started to get up and the Crazy Guy threw a fridge on top of me! Now I am here.." St. Peter says "Okay, u can go in, that must have been terrible." Then he called the third man and said, "Okay sir, tell me your story," and this is what he said..... "Well, St. Peter, I was butt naked in this refrigerator.........." _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
|
Jake Kainite - Student 
|
An old principal of a school is in a board meeting one day, when an angel appears from up above. "Due to your selfless actions and helping all these young children get a good start in life, I shall grant you one wish" says the angel "I will grant you either infinite beauty, infinite wisdom or infinite wealth" Without hesitating for a second the principal says "I choose infinite wisdom" "granted" says the angle, and taps him with her wand then dissapears. All of the other people in the board meeting are astonished at this point and are all staring at the principal. Finally one of them speaks. "well? tell us something with your infinte wisdom then!" "Bugger" the principal says "I should've taken the money" _______________ Apprenctice of Jedi Master Ascari (deceased) Descended from a line of great Jedi Will argue any point of view from any side 
|
|
Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
|
hahaha lol!! _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
|
Jake Kainite - Student
|
A man walking down the road one day spots a pirate. This pirate is an old man with a wooden leg, a hook for a hand and a patch over one eye. He approaches the old pirate and asks "how did you lose your leg old man?" "arrrr!!" replies the old pirate "one day, there be a storm, and the mast fell on me leg" "Thats terrible!" says the man,"what happened to your hand?" "arr!" says the pirate again "once I fell overboard, and a shark bit me hand off!" "Thats terrible!" says the man again "what about your eye?" "arrr" says the pirate once more "one day, a seagull shat in me eye!" "oh" says the man "but how did you lose it? did you get an infection or something?" "no!" says the old pirate "it was me first day with the hook!" _______________ Apprenctice of Jedi Master Ascari (deceased) Descended from a line of great Jedi Will argue any point of view from any side
|
|
DJK - Student 
|
Lol funny |
|
Thomasooo - Student 
|
Good joke, Shang Chi! _______________ In the navy and LOVING it!
Recipient of comment no. 1000 and heart-warming words from Ataris! 
|
|
SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
|
Nice one. _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
|
CuZzA - Student 
|
HAHAHAHAHA ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!! _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
|
Shang Chi - Student
|
A general store owner hires a young female clerk with a penchant for wearing very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk, and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely. The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view, just as he had surmised he would be. Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get 2 loaves as he is having company for dinner. As the clerk retrieves the 2nd loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he quickly requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down. After a few trips the clerk is tired and irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try this raisin bread for herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip she yells, "Is yours raisin, too?" "No," croaks the feeble old man...."But it's startin' to twitch." _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
|
Shang Chi - Student 
|
Two little boys get up in the middle of the night to get a drink. When they walk past mom and dad's room, they hear a noise. Billy looks into the key hole and says, "Oh my God, I can't believe this. I just can't believe this!" Little Tommy asks, "What can't you believe?" Billy replies, "I can't believe my mom yells at me for sucking my thumb." _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
|
Shang Chi - Student
|
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. "This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one woman. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the second woman. And so they haggled before the king until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first mother. But the other mother said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood!" The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law." _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
|
Jake Kainite - Student
|
Another explorer joke 3 exploreres are captured in the jungle by a trible chieftan. He lines them all up and says: "Death or Bukka!!" Now, the first explorer, not wanting to die, says "bukka". The whole tribe starts jumping about screaming "bukka bukka bukka!!". The chieftan pulls down the first explorers pants and proceeds to sodomize him. The first explorer is then released and waddles off in pain. The cheiftan turns to 2nd explorer, who is pretty shocked by now but he doesn't want to die so again, he says "bukka". Again the whole tribe jump around shouting "bukka bukka bukka" and again the chieftan sodomizes the 2nd explorer. Then the chieftan turns to the 3rd explorer. Now the 3rd explorer is a proud man who would rather die with honour than be defiled in this way, so he thrusts his chest out and says "I choose death!!" Again the whole tribe starts jumping up and down only this time shouting: "Death by bukka!!!!" _______________ Apprenctice of Jedi Master Ascari (deceased) Descended from a line of great Jedi Will argue any point of view from any side
This comment was edited by Jake Kainite on Oct 25 2004 11:17am. |
|
Italian Ice - Student 
|
lmao thats so bad,... I love it _______________ It's funny how many people know they have the right to remain silent, yet never do. |
|
CuZzA - Student
|
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was planning to meet him there the next day. On reaching the hotel, he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. But he mistyped the address and his note reached an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her mail, she took one look at the monitor screen and fell to the floor in a dead faint. Hearing thescream, everyone rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen : 'Dearest wife Just checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot in here.' _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
|
Raziel Anjelis - Student 
|
Heres one.....these four explorers are trapped in the forest, in a camp full of cannibals. Being a generous chap, the chieftain says 'If you can shove ten fruits in your ass, then you can go free. However if you show the slightest sign of emotion, you will be thrown in the cookpot.' So, under guard, the four men gather their fruit and return to the camp. The first man had 10 apples, and he got to the 3rd one when he yelled in pain. So in to the cookpot he went. The second man had 10 tangerines, and he got to the 5th one when he yelled in pain, and was thrown in the cookpot. Next, is the third man. He has 10 grapes, and he fits them all in, but on the last one he burst out laughing. Before going in the pot, the chieftain says 'Why did you laugh? You could have survived!' to which the man replies 'Yeah, but i caught sight of the 4th man with 10 pineapples' _______________ Proud owner of El Vee For's 200th Comment, and Wicek's 2600th comment DaMi3N's 400th, Trad Redav's 666th.
This comment was edited by Raziel Anjelis on Oct 22 2004 12:09am. |
|
ozzcoz - Cosplay Nerd 
|
Quote: A man walks into a bar. He sits down and the bartender says "Sorry we don't serve pandas Silk my man, you are random. _______________ A wizard did it. |
|
SaberWeildinKow - Student 
|
Hehe, this is completely random, but I have a chemistry teacher named Mr. Shang  Nice joke by the way |
|
SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
|
Hehehe nice one shang. _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
|
Cheta T. Must - Student 
|
i dont get it. j/k that was awesomeSSSSS |
|
Shang Chi - Student
|
FATHER: "When you go back to your Mom's tonight, give her this envelope and tell her that since you are now 18, this is the LAST check she'll ever see from me for child support. Then, stand back and watch the expression on her face." DAUGHTER: "O.K." DAUGHTER: "Mom, Dad asked me to give you this envelope. He said to tell you that since I'm now 18, this is the LAST child support payment he'll ever have to make to you. Now I'm supposed to stand back and watch the expression on your face." MOTHER: "Next time you visit your father, tell him that after 18 years I have decided to inform him that he's not your father. Then, stand back and watch the expression on HIS face." _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
|
Gradius - Ex-Student 
|
Quote: soda pop is just another name for a pop such as rootbeer pepsi fanta and all those Yup, it's what they called it when it first came out, cause the bubbles pop and whatnot. I dunno where the word "soda" came from though. But yeah, so, this guy walks into a bar and say "Owww!" _______________ - Proud padawan of Kueller. - We really are at the beginning of it all. The trick, of course, is to make sure we never find the end. - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything - <gen-e-sis-happy> Liek, you can train, liek, a n00b, but he'll just be a trained n00b... --> Wise words! - "daer SOE me likes your a company i am having your some money for letting me do stuff cos mes the best amd i do it all meself" - Slider |
|
Urded - Student 
|
soda pop is just another name for a pop such as rootbeer pepsi fanta and all those _______________ Mapper a la strange. Proud owner of SilkMonkey Award for Wishing He Had Menaxia's Best IRC Smile Award. A Penguin Jedi is Me! |
| < Recent Comments | Login and add your comment! | Previous Comments > |