| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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Fizz of Belouve - Student 
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A man takes a balloon ride at a local country fair. A fierce wind suddenly kicks up, causing the balloon to violently leave the fair and carry its occupant out into the countryside. The man has no idea where he is, so he goes down to five meters above ground and asks a passing wanderer: "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where I am?" Eyeing the man in the balloon the passer-by says: "You are in a downed red balloon, five meters above ground." The balloon's unhappy resident replied, "You must be an economist." "How could you possible know that?" asked the passer-by. "Because your answer is technically correct but absolutely useless, and the fact is I am still lost". "Then you must be in management", said the passer-by. "Thats right! How did you know?" "You have such a good view from where you are, and yet you don't know where you are and you don't know where you are going. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now your problem is somehow my fault!" dont hit me if it has been posted before  _______________ One of the Belouve boys, founder of the mighty FiZZsters Midbie council #20 - Fizz - #1933 - Jan '03 - Aug '04 "Renfield, you idiot!" |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one. As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said. "No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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DJK - Student 
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Quote: This is something from a book that Seinfeld wrote, its called "Seinlanguage" ROFL! nice one RoseI don't think anything competes with a magic act for humiliating entertainment value. What is the point of the magician? He comes on, he fools you, you feel stupid, show's over. You never know what's actually happened. It's never explained. And that's kind of the attitude the magician seems to have as he's performing. It's like, "Here's a quarter. Now it's gone. You're a jerk." Sometimes they ask you to blow on it. There's something mature adults like to do, blow on a deck of cards. I also love that little pretend look of surprise they do when the trick works. Like "Oh, I didn't know that was going to happen myself. I even amaze me."  |
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Flash - Student 
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ROFL! Owned by the professor! |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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Talk about Pwn3d!!! ----- Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms--so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, despite the Chemistry final being on Monday, they decided to go to the Uuniversity of Virginina to party with some friends. They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and tiredness, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found professor Bonk after the final and explained to him how they missed the final. They told him they went up to the University of Virgina for the weekend and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare. They couldn't fix it for a long time and were late getting back to campus. Bonk thought this over and agreed that they could take the final the following day. The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told them to begin. They looked at the first problem which was something simple about molarity and solutions; it was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be an easy final". They then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on it. The question contained only two words: (95 points) Which tire? _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Rosie - Student 
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This is something from a book that Seinfeld wrote, its called "Seinlanguage" I don't think anything competes with a magic act for humiliating entertainment value. What is the point of the magician? He comes on, he fools you, you feel stupid, show's over. You never know what's actually happened. It's never explained. And that's kind of the attitude the magician seems to have as he's performing. It's like, "Here's a quarter. Now it's gone. You're a jerk." Sometimes they ask you to blow on it. There's something mature adults like to do, blow on a deck of cards. I also love that little pretend look of surprise they do when the trick works. Like "Oh, I didn't know that was going to happen myself. I even amaze me." |
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Shang Chi - Student 
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Signs of Our Times: On a plumber's truck in Akron, Ohio: "A straight flush beats a full house!!!" On a septic-tank-cleaner's truck in Hyattsville, MD: "We're the #1 business in the #2 business." Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." At a military hospital-door to endoscopy: "To expedite your visit, please back in." On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." On the trucks of a local plumbing company: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Axion - Student 
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LOL good ones billy and shang _______________ Axion - Yeah. |
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DJK - Student
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HAHAHHA NICE ONE CHi!!! This comment was edited by DJK on Apr 30 2004 09:10pm. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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LOL!!! ----- There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!" _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Gradius - Ex-Student 
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LOL Shang-Chi _______________ - Proud padawan of Kueller. - We really are at the beginning of it all. The trick, of course, is to make sure we never find the end. - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything - <gen-e-sis-happy> Liek, you can train, liek, a n00b, but he'll just be a trained n00b... --> Wise words! - "daer SOE me likes your a company i am having your some money for letting me do stuff cos mes the best amd i do it all meself" - Slider |
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Shang Chi - Student 
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Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!" "What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!" The nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!" "Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!" When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets. "Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!" At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong. "What's wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!" _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Gradius - Ex-Student
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A man and his wife go before a judge. Man - "Your Honor, I wan't a divorce." Judge - "Okay, why do you want to divorce your wife?" Man - "There's no pleasing her! All she does is whine about how I never do anything, and she doesn't even work! I support the whole family." Judge - "So your wife is a nagger?" Man - "Oh no Your Honor, she's white just like you and me." _______________ - Proud padawan of Kueller. - We really are at the beginning of it all. The trick, of course, is to make sure we never find the end. - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything - <gen-e-sis-happy> Liek, you can train, liek, a n00b, but he'll just be a trained n00b... --> Wise words! - "daer SOE me likes your a company i am having your some money for letting me do stuff cos mes the best amd i do it all meself" - Slider |
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Gradius - Ex-Student 
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A guy goes to see a psycologist. Guy - "Help me Doc! I'm a wigwam! I'm a tepee! Dr. - "You're crazy get out of here." He goes down the street to another psycologist. Guy - "You gotta help me I'm a wigwam! I'm a tepee!" Dr. - "Get out of here ya looney." He tries a third one. Guy - "Dr.! Dr.! I'm a wigwam! I'm a tepee!" Dr. - "Settle down, you're too tense." Get it? If not, tense = tents. _______________ - Proud padawan of Kueller. - We really are at the beginning of it all. The trick, of course, is to make sure we never find the end. - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything - <gen-e-sis-happy> Liek, you can train, liek, a n00b, but he'll just be a trained n00b... --> Wise words! - "daer SOE me likes your a company i am having your some money for letting me do stuff cos mes the best amd i do it all meself" - Slider |
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_cmad_ - Ex-Student 
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HAHAHA  PWNAGE _______________ Your friends of today, are your enemies of tomorrow. |
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DJK - Student 
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HHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH!!!!! PERVERSE!! HAHAHHAHA! funny thought hehehehee |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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This one's a bit racy, but funny!!! ----- Arthur Davidson, inventor of the Harley Davidson motorcycle corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." So Arthur asked God " Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "ah, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to rofessional, you have some major design flaws in your invention: 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion. 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds. 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much. 4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust. 5. The maintenance costs are outrageous." "Hmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." so God went to his celestial super computer, typed in a few words, and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God tells Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours". _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Thomasooo - Student 
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LOL, guys! _______________ In the navy and LOVING it!
Recipient of comment no. 1000 and heart-warming words from Ataris!
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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LOL!!! ----- An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Gradius - Ex-Student
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This guy walks into a bar with an aligator. Guy - "I will bet someone here that I can stick my genitles in this alligators mouth and he won't try to bite them off." Bartender - "I'll take that bet." So the guy pulls down his pants, pries open the gator's mouth and sits his sack on the it's tongue. The next thing he knows the alligator bites down on his privates. The guy is screaming. He reaches for a bottle a smacks the alligator over the head with it, knocking it out. Guy - "Who else wants to try?" A hand goes up in the beack of the room. It's a woman. Woman - "I will if you promise not to hit me over the head with a bottle." _______________ - Proud padawan of Kueller. - We really are at the beginning of it all. The trick, of course, is to make sure we never find the end. - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything - <gen-e-sis-happy> Liek, you can train, liek, a n00b, but he'll just be a trained n00b... --> Wise words! - "daer SOE me likes your a company i am having your some money for letting me do stuff cos mes the best amd i do it all meself" - Slider |
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Casual - Student 
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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband." -Cas _______________ Thanks to the human heart by which we live, Thanks to its tenderness, its joys, and fears, To me the meanest flower that blows can give Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears. |
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Casual - Student 
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An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "How did you know?" he asks. "The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again." -Cas _______________ Thanks to the human heart by which we live, Thanks to its tenderness, its joys, and fears, To me the meanest flower that blows can give Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears. |
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Urded - Student 
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Okay, here it goes: This guy's in New York, and he needs a taxi. He flags one down and the driver asks "Where to, sir?" The man replies "I'm going to Times Square" The driver says "alright, should be there in ten minutes." As they're driving, the driver takes a wrong turn. The man puts a hand on the driver's shoulder to tell him. The driver freaks out and starts going all over the road. Afterwards, the man asks the driver what happened. The driver replies "Sorry; i used to drive a Hearse." _______________ Mapper a la strange. Proud owner of SilkMonkey Award for Wishing He Had Menaxia's Best IRC Smile Award. A Penguin Jedi is Me! |
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Shang Chi - Student
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A drunk man staggers into a Church and sits down in a confessional box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs a few times to attract his attention, but the man still says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies, "No use knocking man, there's no paper on this side either." _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Urded - Student
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So there's this blond that live's in florida and she walks into a very expensive shop. she walks up to the manager and says "Hi, i would like to buy a pair of alligator shoes." The manager says "That will be $90". When the blond says "Well the least im going to buy them for is $65". "Then i cant sell them to you". "Fine, ill get my own pair of alligator shoes" and the blond walks out of that store. Later that night the manager is driving home when he see's the blond in mud waist deep and she has a shotgun. A 7 foot alligator begins to approach her. She shoots it and drags onto shore where there are 11 other dead alligator's. She roles it over and esclaims "dang, this one isint wearing shoes either!" _______________ Mapper a la strange. Proud owner of SilkMonkey Award for Wishing He Had Menaxia's Best IRC Smile Award. A Penguin Jedi is Me! |
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