| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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tarpman - The Tarped Avenger 
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so true... and Shang Chi, your jokes are awesome too! Keep 'em coming!  _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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LOL!!! ----- Tired of his low approval ratings, President G.W. Bush called up the head of the CIA and said, "I want your very best agent over here first thing in the morning." Moments later, a call went out to the Middle East, and the most gifted American agent was headed back to Washington. The next morning, the agent was escorted into the Oval Office. The President said, "I hear you're the best in the business. I can't trust what my staff tells me. So I want you to visit every state in the union, every major city. I want you to stay out on the road until you have an idea of what the vast majority of Americans would like to see happen in the Oval Office. Understand?" The CIA agent responded affirmatively. He left the White House and wasn't heard from for nearly four months. Finally, he showed up early on a Saturday morning, and the President saw him immediately. The President said, "Did you find out what an overwhelming majority of Americans want done here in this office?" "Yes, sir." "Well, then, express the will of the people," Bush ordered. So the agent stood up, pulled out a gun, and shot him. _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Shang Chi - Student 
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Two rednecks walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking a beer and talking about the current price of chewing tobacco. Suddenly a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the rednecks looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head. The redneck walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the redneck walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer. His redneck friend says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick maneuver, but I ain't never seen nobody do it before." _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Shang Chi - Student 
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A Texas farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large." Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows." The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?" The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look, "What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?" _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Bubu - Hubbub 
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LOL Billy ------------------------ There was a Rabbi who went to the Catholic Priest at the church and asked "How do you get the money to make your church so beautiful?". Father said "We hear confessions; observe while I demonstrate". So the priest gets in the center compartment, the Rabbi on one side and in walks the first penitent. "It's been one week since my last confession and I have commited adultery three times". Father says "For your penance say a Hail Mary and put five dollars in the collection box and your sins will be forgiven". The next penitent walks in and says "It's been one week since my last confession and I've committed adultery three times". Father says "For your penance say a Hail Mary and put five dollars in the collection box and your sins will be forgiven". The Rabbi says, "Ooh, can I try?" So the priest and the Rabbi switch booths. In walks the next penitent. "Can I help you" says the Rabbi. The penitent says "It's been one week since my last confession and I've committed adultery two times". The Rabbi says "Go out and do it a third time; we have a special, three for five dollars!" _______________ make install -not war This comment was edited by Bubu on Apr 22 2004 07:44pm. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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LOL!!! ----- OK, this one IS bad but it made me laugh: There's 2 fish in a tank and one fish says to the other, "Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?  _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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tarpman - The Tarped Avenger
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HAHAHA SHANG CHI RULES!! *DISCLAIMER:* but not as much as SmilyKrazy _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
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DJK - Student 
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ROOOOOOOFL LMFAO! |
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Shang Chi - Student
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Words of wisdom: One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up! The donkey later came back and kicked THE CRAP out of the farmer that tried burying him. Moral: When you try to cover your a**, it always comes back to get you. _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Roan Belouve - Retired 
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LOL Shang! _______________ *Bro to Vaxxla,Padawan of FiZZandOdan-Wei Part of the mighty Belouve Dynasty-Knight of Nippledom.Twin of Selphestal!**Proud Master to Kaelis and Acura Friend to anyone who would call me the same  . Pic by the amazing Majno (merry)
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DJK - Student 
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rolf how evil :p |
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Axion - Student 
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LOL poor guy.. I got one.. What do Eskimos get from sitting on ice? Polaroids! _______________ Axion - Yeah. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. "When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to the fly. "we're going to tour the nightspots and make a fortune." Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate. At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moonwalking. "What about this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender. In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the newspaper THE EDMONTON SUN, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe. "Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are everywhere." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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been posted here before... funny nonetheless _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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tarpman - The Tarped Avenger
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ROFL great one shang chi! _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
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Evil Squirrel - Student 
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rofl, heard that one before, still funny _______________ "I'm leaning more towards the cookie side" - leif two time winner of the "SilkMonkey Award for Best Evil Squirrel Based Avatar Picture" award! Geology Rocks! |
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Shang Chi - Student
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An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in Long Kesh Prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly after sending the letter, the father received this reply, "For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up with shovels and dug up the entire garden. They found no ammunition. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened. His son's reply was: "Best I could do from here. Now plant your potatoes. _______________ Thirty spokes converge on a single hub, but it is in the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the cart lies. Clay is molded to make a pot, but it is the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the clay pot lies. Cut out doors and windows to make a room, but it is in the spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the room lies. Therefore, Benefit may be derived from something, but it is in nothing that we find usefulness. |
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Evil Squirrel - Student
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One day a man is in a store and has to go to the washroom, he sees the normal "male" "female" signs. He thinks "Male!? I need a adventure..." so he walked into the wall _______________ "I'm leaning more towards the cookie side" - leif two time winner of the "SilkMonkey Award for Best Evil Squirrel Based Avatar Picture" award! Geology Rocks! |
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Bubu - Hubbub
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oh.. well too bad _______________ make install -not war |
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_cmad_ - Ex-Student 
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That was posted before here, b00bs _______________ Your friends of today, are your enemies of tomorrow. |
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Bubu - Hubbub
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Out in the middle of darkest Africa there was a White Missionary living with a tribe of black natives. One day the big chief comes along and calls the Missionary into his hut, where he was sharpening his big axe. He explains to the white man that his daughter has just given birth to a white baby, and that since the missionary's the only white man for thousands of miles, the missionary will be the 'main course' at dinner that night. 'Now just hang on a minute, give me a chance to explain, chief,' says the Missionary. 'You're jumping to conclusions here. Let me tell you a story. See all those white sheep out in the field and how there's one black one amongst them.' The Chief thinks for a moment. 'OK!' says the Chief, 'You say nothing, I say nothing.' _______________ make install -not war |
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DJK - Student
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LOOL burn that f****r |
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tarpman - The Tarped Avenger
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OMG THAT'S SO CRUEL!! i love it _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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LOL!!!!!!! _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Gradius - Ex-Student 
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w00t! Five stars, two very enthusiactic thumbs up, fine holiday fun. _______________ - Proud padawan of Kueller. - We really are at the beginning of it all. The trick, of course, is to make sure we never find the end. - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything - <gen-e-sis-happy> Liek, you can train, liek, a n00b, but he'll just be a trained n00b... --> Wise words! - "daer SOE me likes your a company i am having your some money for letting me do stuff cos mes the best amd i do it all meself" - Slider |
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