| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
|
Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
| Poll | ||||||||||||||
Are these jokes funny?
|
| < Recent Comments | Login and add your comment! | Previous Comments > |
| Comments |
|
Battlin' Billy - Student 
|
LOL @ Acidic! ------ Here's the joke where I needed a victim, just remembered (all those drugs I did in the 90s haunting me again  )Billy, Fizz and Aratan are killed in a boating accident and they all go up to heaven (believe it or not ). So St. Peter takes them all on a tour of the facilities. He shows them the offices, the healthclub, etc. and then they come to a room full of what looks like a bunch of electric meters.Billy asks St. Peter, "What's with all these meters?" St. Peter replies, "These show how much everyone in the world masturbates. The faster the hands go around, the more they masturbate." So they look at the meters and they see Billy's meter, and it's going around quite rapidly. Then they see Aratan's and it's going a little bit faster. They keep looking for Fizz's but can't seem to find it. Aratan asks St. Peter, "Hey, we found Billy's and my meter, where's Fizz's?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that bastard masturbates so much, we put his meter in the office and use it as a fan." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
|
Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
|
hehe Already knew that one  but still, good one _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
|
Acidic - Student 
|
Hahah... Not something you want to think about before you goto bed that one.. but... %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% There's an American brigade walking down the streets of Baghdad and they notice thise terribly mangled Iraqi soldier on the ground on the side of the road clearly dead. A few meters away on the same side they notice an equally mangled American soldier but he was moving! They rush over and cradle his head and ask, "What on earth happened?" "Well," the american replied in his obvious texan accent " I was walkin' down this here street where I saw that Iraqi soldier on the other side... I called over to him, looked him right in the eyes and said: "Saddam Hussein is a lying, pitiful, deceitful peice of trash. "He looked me in the eye and said 'George Bush is lying, pitiful, deceitful peice of trash'. "And we were shaking hands in agreement when the truck hit us." _______________ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- (Read error: Connection reset by beer) |
|
CuZzA - Student 
|
EEK! but rofl! _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
|
Battlin' Billy - Student
|
LOL!!! Both good ones!!! Thanx Acidic! ----- Two women are walking through a zoo. They come across the gorillas and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The two women are fascinated by this. One of them just can't bear it any longer and he reaches into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabs her, drags her into the cage and mates with her for six hours nonstop. When he's done, the gorilla throws the woman back out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the woman is taken away to the hospital. Next day her friend visits her in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?" "AM I HURT?", she shouts, "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called, he hasn't written ..." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
|
Acidic - Student 
|
Alright i got two here: A man (Martin) walks into an expensive restaurant and as he sits down at this really snazy lookin' table he knocks the spoon off. Before he could begin to bend down the waiter that just seated him reached into his top pocket and pulled a spoon out and placed it where the other spoon had been. Martin looks up at the waiter in amazement and asks "How did you know i was going to do that?" The waiter replies, "We had some restaurant experts in here before our grand opening to see how we could increase the efficiency of the restaurant and make it easier and more beneficial for the customers. They did a survey and found that 87.4443% of the time someone sat down at our tables they knocked the spoon off the table. So instead of us having to get a new one we just pull this one out, and take the other to get washed." "Well," said Martin, " certainly my type of restaurant then. Can i get some soup to start?" "Certainly sir!", was the reply. A few minutes later the waiter returns with his soup. And as he turns to recieve this he notices a white string hanging out of the waiter's fly. "What's that for?" "Oh... Excuse me sir!", he zips himself, "Remember those experts i told you about?" he got a nod. "They also examined our bathroom efficiency, they explained that we take too much time washing our hands after we go and taking so much time is bad for business. So we take hold of the string instead." "Ah!" replied Martin. "How do you get him back in though?" The waiter's response: "I'm not sure about the other waiter's but i use the spoon." -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- 2nd A middle-aged lady walks into a doc's office and yells, "Doctor you gotta help me! I have severe flachulance (pardon spelling) but they don't smell or make any sound at all! Help me!" The doctor looks around sniffs a few times and says to her. "I have these pills here, go home, take 1 every 2 days and come back in 2 weeks." "Will this help me doc?",asked the lady. "Im pretty sure we will get this sorted out Ma'am." In 2 weeks the lady comes back in yelling even more loudly and looking extremely horrified. "Doctor please help me! I took the pills and everything but i still fart more than a cow after a 5th helping of baked beans. Even though i can't hear them still, they smell horrendous. You hafta help me doc!" "Ah well, now that we've got your sense of smell back we will start working on your hearing.  _______________ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- (Read error: Connection reset by beer) |
|
Axion - Student 
|
lol nice one i got a joke a irishman walks out of a bar.. _______________ Axion - Yeah. |
|
Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
|
rolf that is good lol _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
|
D@RtHM@UL - Student 
|
ROFL !! Didn't actually read it, to lazy for that, but i'm sure it's very funny |
|
Battlin' Billy - Student 
|
An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so the decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?" He replies, "To the kitchen." She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replies, "Sure." She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He says, "No, I can remember that." She then says, "Well I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that." He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replies, "Well I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down." With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
|
Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
|
lol _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
|
Battlin' Billy - Student
|
Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results. The insurance clerk says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent at the same time and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, the situation is either bad or terrible!" "What do you mean?" "Well, one Mrs. Smith tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other Mrs. Smith has tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife." "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" "Normally, yes. But you have an HMO and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once in a year, so we can't repeat the test until next year." "Well, what am I supposed to do now?" "The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off on the outskirts of town........ If she remembers the way home, don't sleep with her." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
|
Buzz - Student 
|
There's a TV ad that uses that. I have it on my computer, pretty good. _______________ When you are going through Hell, keep going. -Sir Winston Churchill. Those who seek power and control of others, no matter the level, no matter the intentions, should never be given it. |
|
tarpman - The Tarped Avenger 
|
lol!  _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
|
Apologetic - Student 
|
VERY AWESOME! I need to do that next time _______________ Love GOD and jesus as they love u [move]We defend the peace and help the helpless we r the mandilorian jedi troops![/move] |
|
Flash - Student 
|
Ooo, smart thinking. |
|
Battlin' Billy - Student
|
It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 500 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Half of an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet. "Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. An hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there. "No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?" "No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice. "Do you know who I am?" the student asked again in a louder voice. "No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority. "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room. _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
|
tarpman - The Tarped Avenger
|
there's a few versions of that one going around... still funny though! _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
|
Flash - Student 
|
LOL! |
|
Battlin' Billy - Student
|
LOL! Nice one Rosered! ----- There where three nuns who never did anything wrong. One day the high priest came to them and told them that in order to become better nuns they had to do something bad and then drink from the holy water. So the three nuns went out that same day and did something wrong. The first nun came and the high priest asked her what she did wrong. " I took a lollipop from a little kid." So he let her drink from the holy water. Then the second one came back and the high priest asked her what she did wrong, she said " I took a balloon from a little kid." So he let her drink from the holy water. Then came the third. "What did you do wrong?" asked the high priest. " Well", she said," I peed in the holy water." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
|
Rosie - Student 
|
Avon Calling An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree." |
|
Rosie - Student 
|
love it billy |
|
Flash - Student
|
Billy, that's just freaky. |
|
CuZzA - Student
|
Whats Michael Jackson's favourite type of cheese? Ba-ba-ba, ba-baby-bell _______________ - Even if Carlsberg made "w*nkers", Christiano Ronaldo would still be the biggest "w*nker" in the world |
|
tarpman - The Tarped Avenger 
|
incredible!  _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
| < Recent Comments | Login and add your comment! | Previous Comments > |